See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

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Orchid Lake
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See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

#1 Post by Orchid Lake » Sat Jan 23, 2021 2:03 am

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Summary
You are plagued by recurring dreams of a girl, and it’s taking over your life. Try as you might you can never figure out who she is and try as you might you can’t remember her face. Every now and again something would come through, a silhouette or an accessory but never anything concrete enough to go on. Eventually the line between dream and reality blurs, but with the help of a friend you pull yourself together.

One day someone who reminds you of the girl you can’t remember appears before you.

Intro
You know that feeling you get?
When the world slows down
and you stop, for a moment, stop running
And the past finally gets a chance to catch up to you

Sometimes in the middle of the night
When the moon is high
And the clouds are silent

And you remember

And you remember the Joy
the Melancholy

And you remember being Happy
being Sad

And you remember nothing.
Like a piece of you had been lost for the longest time.
Can’t remember What. Who. Why....
Just the Emptiness that it left
That Void.

Description
See you Again is a slow burn drama based on the above intro. I’m reluctant to say that it’s an answer to it because sometimes what we need is more than an answer, but something we can relate to.

See you Again is currently the working title because the original (If at all possible, can I see you again) was a bit long. Right now I only have a windows build. Feel free to ask for another build, I’d be glad to do that for you.

Feedback
Mainly I’d like to know if it’s interesting. I’m pretty sure I’m biased all things considered so I’d like a second opinion on whether what is on paper is actually gripping or at least not so boring you would drop it. I’m excited as to where the story is building to but that’s my bias.

Next is that I understand that dialogue is my weakness. I feel like I'm stronger in the overarching plot but the individual scenes are weak in their execution. I know the purpose of every scene and what I need to try to convey but whether that is done well is something I doubt myself in.

That said Any feedback is welcome including admins telling me this doesn’t belong here.

Download
See you Again


changelog
2021/01/28 - vc2s2 released
2021/02/10 - vc2s4 released
2021/02/12 - vc2s4 released
2021/02/26 - vc2s15 released
2021/05/14 - vc3s11 released
Last edited by Orchid Lake on Fri May 14, 2021 8:32 am, edited 8 times in total.

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Orchid Lake
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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Early]

#2 Post by Orchid Lake » Thu Jan 28, 2021 6:27 am

Update: vc2s2 released

We are now officially out of the prologue. When storyboarding it was just called Chapter 1 but I guess it makes more sense to people at the prologue. See you guys next time!

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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Early]

#3 Post by Orchid Lake » Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:17 am

Version c2s4 is out now. I have a bit more ready so we should have some more coming soon.

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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Early]PC/Android

#4 Post by Orchid Lake » Thu Feb 11, 2021 4:23 pm

Another chunk released. Also changed version number to avoid confusion.

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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

#5 Post by Orchid Lake » Fri Feb 26, 2021 4:51 am

Well what ended up happening was I was so close, I thought I might as well just finish all of ACT II, so here we are.

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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

#6 Post by ThugzillaDev » Sun Feb 28, 2021 5:35 pm

Looks cool! But for some reason, I can't see the game page on itch.io? It tells me 404.

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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

#7 Post by Orchid Lake » Tue Mar 30, 2021 1:14 am

ThugzillaDev wrote:
Sun Feb 28, 2021 5:35 pm
Looks cool! But for some reason, I can't see the game page on itch.io? It tells me 404.
It's no public yet, so page isn't visible. Download link should still work.

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Vek Qurin
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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

#8 Post by Vek Qurin » Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:57 am

Hey there,

Having finished reading what you have posted so far: I would like to say your story is lovely, compelling, and shows significant potential. You should be very proud of your work; I did enjoy reading it!

In the spirit of giving feedback. I would say the overall piece appears to be in an early draft stage from the reader's perspective and could use some editing and proofreading. Not that this is a bad thing by any means, just pointing out the vibe I got. So yeah, there were some grammar issues, swapped words, punctuation errors. More or less your standard rough draft fair. With that being said, some of your sentences appeared to have words missing or possibly unintentionally skipped. That left me rereading a few lines over and over again in attempts to speculate at the sentence's intended context. For example, a minor easy to fix one right at the beginning of the first scene you wrote:

"With most of the laundry done you let your eyes back to the girl across the river."

Which I believe was intended to be: "With most of the laundry done, you let your eyes wander back to the girl across the river."

The story's various scenes sort of jumped around a bit without much in the way of transitional or scene-setting/establishing descriptive text. That at times left me slightly confused as to what was going on? Asking myself, wait, how did we suddenly get to this different location, or point in time? This might just be due to the lack of visuals at the moment or the fact I was probably tunnel-visioned on the story text while reading and not so much noticing the location textbox updates. :)

For example: In one scene, you have Eve and Kristy randomly shopping as teenagers for a jacket. Then the next scene Kristy is suddenly a doctoral professor introducing herself to her new class. With no notation that there was a time skip. So my mind sort of went tilt and thought: "Wait what?!, since when is a high school teenager hanging out with her friend at the mall suddenly a college professor? Before it clicked, that a time skip had taken place.

Also, some of the characters felt like they sort of appeared out of nowhere, with limited descriptive text given to the reader to establish these new characters in their mind. Leading to them talking to Kristy as if she already knew them but leaving the reader sort of in the dark of who they are. Note: Not so much referring to the mystery girl during the dreamscapes as that makes sense, but more Eve and Greyson.

Another minor issue that I would point out is that you use an abbreviation without establishing what it was beforehand. I'm, referring to when "TA" was used to reference Greyson, and later on, Eve's job. While I was able to fill in the blank as "teacher aid" given my past schooling experiences. It's not really ideal to write under the assumption that your reader will know what an abbreviation stands for without first having established its meaning beforehand.

Well, hopefully, what I wrote is at least somewhat useful for you. But still, please take it with a grain of salt as it's only one person's opinion. Be safe, I wish you happiness and the absolute best in all your future endeavors. :D

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Re: See You Again [Drama][Visual Novel][Demo][Script Only]PC

#9 Post by Orchid Lake » Fri May 14, 2021 8:31 am

Vek Qurin wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:57 am
Hey there...
Thank you so much for you feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Unfortunately I haven't had time to address the issues you've pointed out yet, I have however finished the rest of the script.

I'm currently working on the epilogue, but will soon try to bring on some editors to iron out any other potential issue.

Again, thanks you for your interest in my project, it means a lot to me.


I'm currently looking for an editor. I'm not sure if I should reach out for professional help considering there is no budget to really speak of. That said, after all the editing and proof-reading of the script I'm going to be looking for an Artist/Art director.

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