slyfoxxy wrote:I updated the font on both versions
should be much easier to read now.
PC
MAC
Didn't see that so I downloaded from the first post......
Anyway, I live in England, so I don't write in American English, I can but I rarely bother, along with correct grammar in forum posts
. It's not uber-thorough, but I did pick up on a couple of things
Presentation
The start screen suggests a fairly dark and violent story, so far it doesn't seem all that dark
When you click on load game, the writing seems a little squished, boxes only fill top bit of the screen
Boxes only at top of preference screen also
I really like the parchment dialogue box
I like the font, but after a while it gets a little tricky to read, but there is plenty of room in the box for it to be a little bigger, or change the colour, also the comma has a very strong resemblance to the period...... And 's' looks like a 'c'.
Inconsistencies/Miscellaneous
It tells you Rein grinned broadly, but we can see his facial expressions
In the beginning when she sighs, she sighs with no capitalisation, when the handmaiden knocks, both words are capitalised 'Knock Knock' as opposed to 'sigh', then on the last screen before the end of the prologue 'Gasp' is capitalised. Then when she sobs, 'Sob* (this after Gideon's death on the path that you chose to follow him), that shouldn't have an asterisk as it should obey the style which you have used so far which is a pair of single speech/quotation marks. Same with 'SMACK*
Gideon says "Running Late again I see." I think there should be a comma before "I see", but I'm not certain, however "Late" shouldn't be capitalised.
When Gideon says "Good morning My Lady." There really ought to be a comma between the greeting and the term of address. "My Lady" is a grey area, and there are a whole bunch of grammar rules surrounding its capitalisation, Milady or M'lady should always be written as such, "My Lady" would always be capitalised if you are referring to the Virgin Mary, but generally speaking it should be lowercase, but it depends on her particular role in this society. It mostly follows the same rules of sir and ma'am in terms of capitalisation, however if you were using it as part of her title then it would be capitalised. E.g. "My Lady Evangeline"
"One of the soldier's had managed to sneak up behind me, holding me fast." There shouldn't be an apostrophe.
Soon after Gideon should have 'sunk' to the ground rather than 'slunk' which is a descriptive verb of movement.....
Also his mouth should probably have been forming an 'o' rather than an O, unless you meant oh.
After that, the next couple of screens start with lowercase letters instead of capital.
When he addresses her a priestess, you might want to capitalise that as he is using it as a substitute for her name, so I would likely consider it in terms of a nickname/alternative to her name, much like Seer rather than a term of endearment such as 'love' although if they were regularly and specifically referred to as love, then you could capitalise it. Like you would capitalise Bob, even thought is a nickname, but not dear, unless you used that to refer to a specific person on a regular basis. But you don't have to capitalise it if you really don't want to.
Music
I like the music for the most part, but the music on the menu doesn't seem to fit with the rest of it.
Sprites
The assassin kind of has a curving in bit above his left elbow
I really like the outline which separates them from the background
When the assassin turns and flings himself out the window, he is shown rising up, my immediate impression was that he had jumped straight up in the air. Maybe simply have him disappear, before telling us, or tell us before/as he does it.
Good range of expressions.
I really like the style and shading
It kind of looks like Gideon, Rein and the assassin are all lit from their left, but Sebastian appears to be lit from his right. Even though sometimes he isn't really standing in the right position in relation to the others for this to happen.
Backgrounds
The backgrounds are very beautiful, but imo the pink-purple forest seems slightly out of place in context with the others