Hope~ Symphony of Tomorrow[BxG][Romance,Comedy,Drama] Alpha

[Lekhaka]

About the honorifics, It's a tough decision. I also like them a lot, especially when trying to show subtle things about relationships(respect, seniority, etc). If I had to remove them from the game I would have to adjust some passings in order to maintain the context.
For now I'm writing them as I already was from the beginning. When I finish the script, I'll review this point, since it seems to be a important point for many.
I wonder if having an option in the beginning to turn them ON/OFF would be too silly lol. Since there are people who like them and people who don't, it might actually be a good solution

I'd suggest you try to write it without the honourifics. This encourages you to think about what actions you could show, and what sort of dialogue can be exchanged between characters, without relying on simply a name suffix. In the later editing stages, you can always add the honourifics back in.

If you use Japanese terminology well, it really adds a lot of meaning which would otherwise take entire paragraphs of English to explain.

Well using your tadaima example, would how would you put it into a game? I presume with an outside-context note explaining the term? Or is it expected for the audiences of this sort of game to know such terminology already?

[Samu-kun]

Well using your tadaima example, would how would you put it into a game? I presume with an outside-context note explaining the term? Or is it expected for the audiences of this sort of game to know such terminology already?

My style is to just insert it without any kind of explanation. I think it's a common enough practice in English literature to add foreign words to stories set in foreign locals. I've seen terminology like "Laoshi," (Chinese for teacher) "Fraulein," (German for Miss) and "Ecole" (French for school) sprinkled throughout English literature. Jane Eyre even went as far as to include dialogue in complete French without any translations at all, heh.

[Lekhaka]

My style is to just insert it without any kind of explanation. I think it's a common enough practice in English literature to add foreign words to stories set in foreign locals. I've seen terminology like "Laoshi," (Chinese for teacher) "Fraulein," (German for Miss) and "Ecole" (French for school) sprinkled throughout English literature. Jane Eyre even went as far as to include dialogue in complete French without any translations at all, heh.

It just so happens that I know what lǎoshī, fraulein, and école means, but not tadaima. Of course this doesn't necessarily mean anything, but perhaps it is an indication of how frequent these words appear to english speakers. Another difference is that these chinese, german and french words have simple 1-word translations (more or less), while tadaima required you to write a paragraph to explain its usage since it includes a non-analogous cultural concept as well as a non-english word.

Basically, I suspect the comparison to be not entirely valid. I would not choose to include "tadaima" in an english work untranslated without any explanatory note, because I think 99% of the audience would not understand (and also not bother looking it up later to understand the meaning, basically making it a failed attempt at communication)...whereas a much greater number would understand the 3 other examples you gave. Also, terms that have simple translations can be easier to place in an obvious context to aid comprehension without a literal translation note, which can't be done with something as conceptually nuanced as tadaima.

[Aedin]

- After going through the whole firefly scene, when the credits pops up, they're really hard to notice. I actually didn't see them until I was on about the third page of it.
- The negative Souta in the gym seems really out of place.
- When you are directly talking to someone, you need to put commas around their names. "Just go, Hikara, and set your wings free."
- What is "~~~..."? It kind of seemed to me as a filler screen. No purpose and kind of distracted me.
- For those of us who aren't Japanese, it's kind of hard to understand some of their things. Such as after the first class. The teacher said "Class Rep" and the girl said "Rise. Bow" I guess this has to do with the whole Japanese in English language blahblahblah that's been going on. It really doesn't bother me if you have them or not. It's your game and your choice, but keep in mind that many of your potential customers may be unfamiliar with the traditional activities of Japanese customs.

+ The chibi scene was zoo cute.
+ Meeting Eri was adorably hilarious. Whenever I find myself in an awkward situation, I'm just going to start screaming "PUPPIES. SEAHORSES."
+ DORYAAAA
+ Thank you for putting students in the classroom. Just, thank you.
+ The guy in the cafeteria reaching for the ceiling the entire time made me giggle.

You are a really talented writer. The story started off really slowly, but once it was out of the firefly scene, it started to pick up. Your characters are very interesting and involving. Each had a great personality that shows evidently. I'm really looking forward to seeing this developed and meeting the other characters. The art is gorgeous as always, Deji.
Is it common in Japan for students to just live on their own? I've seen that in several VNs, but it's something I am unused to. Just wondering.

[wakagana]

So, I finally was able to get it to work on Mac after clicking randomly about. 8D

Either way, here are my thoughts.

+
Character Art
Character Dialogue
Character personalities and how they interacted with the protagonist.

-
Some spelling/grammar mistakes (As is expected)
A few glitchy-pauses/breaks in the programming (Although I think that is common if you hit space bar really quickly after the text is done)

The beginning was nice visually, but I was a little put off by the writing. I had no idea what was going on, or why the protagonist was freaking out so much. (although I imagine it will be explained more so throughout the story.)


Over view: I think you've done a really good job making some of the characters have personalities that are easy to roll with and are funny, the character art is professional, and the background art is good as well, although sometimes a little strange looking. The story its self is still shaded to me, but once you get more and more done I'm sure it'll be easier for the reader to understand.

Keep up the good work!

[DangoRiceBalls]

*SCREAM* *HUGGLE-WUGGLES CREATOR/AUTHOR/POSTER* I wub you! It's out! HALLELUJAH!
I've been stalking this for a while :3 YUSH.
Gonna do it nao...

[Takanashi]

Woah! I've been away for awhile:\

@Aedin thanks for the feedback and for the kind words! (: I hope not to disappoint in the final version.
About the living alone theme, I guess it's not that usual in real life but since I'm not a Japan native I'm unsure to where this subject stands in real life.

@wakagana thanks for the feedback and for the also kind words! Since this demo is only from alpha stages, I'm still working on improving the "intro" in order to make it more streamlined and less confusing for the player. I'm really glad that everyone seems to be enjoying the character personalities, it's one of the points that I've really worked hard on

@DangoRiceBalls haha xD don't forget to post a comment with your feedback! (:

Thanks you all for the feedback!