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I tried my hand at Ren'Py a while back, and made a demo for a visual novel, using Invader Zim. I'm thinking about using Ren'Py again in the future, and I was wondering if I could get any critical feedback after my first foray. I've never done this before, and it's been a couple years since I've flexed my prose writing muscles, so I could use comments on pretty much anything. I don't own Zim and a friend did the music, but other than that, any mistakes in there are all really my own fault.

You can download the demo here: http://www.purple-tree-studios.com/files/reinvaded.zip It takes about 10-20 minutes to play through, with two ending-ish bits.

I enjoyed the demo
I really want to know how the story goes on. Keep up the good work!

Thank you, I'm glad to hear that you liked it. ^_^

Aahh, this show really brought back memories. I was an avid fan of Invader Zim, but with time my love for it waned. Seeing this sparked my interest, so I had to see ehat it was all about.
First of all, I love your art style. It's something completely different from Vasquez's distinct style from the show, and this isn't bad. It definitely adds a different flavor to it, which I'm sure is intentional, due to the spin on this story.
I can see that the main focus is going to be the horror aspect of Zim universe, which I am thoroughly intrigued by. The show, while mostly light-hearted and humorous was pretty dark, to the point I wasn't exactly allowed to watch it as a kid. I was a little disappointed there wasn't much humor thrown in there, but I can understand how that could be distracting if the story is meant to be taken more seriously than the original. In the very least, I found Dib's interaction with himself (fourth wall awareness?) was really amusing. I also like the pacing of the dialogue and narration. So far it's pretty solid. There are line breaks in almost every screen, but would it seem weird if I actually like this? I'm not sure if it would annoy others, but I think it adds more tension, as well as discourage me from just skimming it over. Also, I feel like it adds more to the fact that this is in Dib's perspective. However, I noticed that once a scene ends, it lingers on the last background for the scene before transitioning into the next one. Not a big deal, but in a longer playthrough I could see this becoming an issue to me, anyways.
The only major thing I feel could be improved on is the audio. The sound effects throughout were distracting to me, since the quality was poor in contrast to everything else. I think the music was very charming and in good quality. However, I feel that the style and tone doesn't really fit the genre, and isn't something I was expecting in something Zim-related. I know you had a friend who composed the music, and I don't mean this to knock down their good effort and talents or anything. I just think something more intense, and possibly techno would be better suited for this. I highly recommend going to jamendo, and just listening to different styles you think would fit it best.

Other than that, it was a really enjoyable game! I would really like to see more of this and what happens in the future. Even if you don't decide to continue this particular project, I would be interested in seeing any new VN's you decide to create. There is definitely potential from what I've seen. I hope I was helpful somehow, and I encourage you to continue with your stories. Cheers!

This caught my attention because I'm a fan of Vasquez and Invader Zim. I wasn't sure what you were going for... but I'm still not sure.

It felt like this sat in an uncomfortable in-between zone. Because the characters and premise are based on an existing work, given the nature of that work I think you can go in one or two directions: really comedic or really serious. If you tried to go really comedic, it would have been extremely tough because the series itself doesn't lend itself well to parody. (I mean, I can think of a somewhat comedic/satirical series, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, successfully taken up to eleven in The Melancholy of Haruhi-Chan, but doing something with Invader Zim would be like trying to do something with Haruhi-Chan. I can't even imagine it.) So, I'm glad you weren't trying to go comedic!

I feel like this might work as a "in-the-middle" piece for people who were not familiar with Invader Zim. As someone who is, I just don't find it interesting unless there is something a little more "new" about it. I am interested in the potential -- both in terms of the art style and writing. But I felt very lukewarm about it. I am glad the art style is its own... but at the same time it didn't feel very inspired. I think Ms. Bitters is the best example. In the series she has that exaggerated tall, curvy, over-the-top snake-like shape, complete with sound effects. Here she retains some of those features, but they seem to be retained for the sake of being retained. It feels like she is tall and hunched over for no reason. She is too odd to look like a normal, bitter old teacher, but her oddness doesn't contribute to a specific purpose as it does in Invader Zim. This is why I say the "middle" doesn't work so well here. There are all kinds of ways to show that a teacher is mean, ugly, bitter, or whatever, but IMO this sprite is not successful at that. The design of the sprites of Dib and Zim made much more sense, although they could use some work with proportions and such.

The writing to me feels similar to the Ms. Bitters sprite. Stuck in the middle without a clear purpose. I might be a little more interested if I had not seen Invader Zim, but since I have... the series really does have a dark edge underneath. The character Dib could be seen as "just" a joke, a paranoid guy who happens to get it right for once. But there's really a lot to work with if you want to bring out his serious qualities. The writing hinted at it, and his actions showed a level of obsessiveness, but I don't think it captured his Cassandra syndrome, his haughtiness, his conviction, his passion. In IZ, it shows it by over-the-top comedy, where Zim's green skin is SOOOOO obvious that it's utterly ridiculous that nobody believes him. In this VN you have the challenge of showing it just as strongly, but in a different way. What makes his stalking of the "Innes" family any different than the previous stalkings? We also need a hint that maybe previous stalkings really were just paranoia/desperation for attention. I know it's tricky since we're hearing things from his point of view... but, for example, he could have thoughts that are clearly crazy to the player, but at the same time, the player can see from his thoughts that they are completely logical to him. Dib done very seriously could be quite a tragic character -- again, Cassandra. I think the player really needs to know that he's really right this time. Since it is a serious portrayal, it can't be that Zim's skin is green; it needs to be something else. It needs to be something that the player can see absolutely unambiguously, but at the same time, nobody besides Dib can see.

The demo, of course, doesn't get too far into the horror, but it is an interesting concept! I think it'll be a lot stronger if Dib's character (as a tragic one) can be firmly established by the point at which the demo ends. I hope this has been helpful.

Good luck! =)