A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

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dorne
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A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#1 Post by dorne » Mon May 20, 2013 9:07 pm

A Tale of a Meeting

Windows 32 bit Edition

This is the first real short visual novel I have produced and am releasing. I still feel that I may need to improve it a bit, but I'd like to have some eyes on what I've come up with. It's a story that's been in my mind for a few months, and finally, after one day of working on it until 4AM in the morning, I've managed to come up with something that's not totally bad. Please, let me know what you guys think! This is a non-commercial kinetic short novel just to let you know.

Basic Storyline:

A young empress must secure peace with a kingdom twice her size, or face total annihilation at the cost of her mistakes.

Image

Image

Protagonist:
Image

Antagonist:
Image




Based on a sci-fi setting in the future, where after the golden age of space exploration, and humanity has reached all parts of the galaxy. Turmoil and decay bring forth a dark era, and humanity begins anew.

Statistics:

The game contains 131 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,397 words,
for an average of 18.3 words per screen.
The game contains 0 menus.


Based on a web-based 4x TBS/RTS strategy game called Anacreon 3.0, found here: http://anacreon.kronosaur.com/. Find out more about the game there.
Attachments
A Tale of a Meeting-all.zip
A Tale of a Meeting Windows Combined Win/Lin/Mac edition
(77.53 MiB) Downloaded 115 times
A Tale of a Meeting-win32.zip
A Tale of a Meeting Windows 32-bit edition
(69.3 MiB) Downloaded 128 times
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A Tale of a Meeting. A short sci-fi VN featuring space opera in one part of the universe.

Dorne's Lets Read Visual Novels
https://www.youtube.com/user/dornevn/videos

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Anne
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Re: A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#2 Post by Anne » Fri May 24, 2013 8:34 pm

Will there be more chapters?

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dorne
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Re: A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#3 Post by dorne » Sat May 25, 2013 9:19 am

Thanks for replying! I will be making more chapters in the future yes :) . I had originally intended this to be a one shot tale based on a real life conversation I had while playing Anacreon, but now I see I can probably expand upon the universe. I am starting work on a few other stories for now not related to this universe, but I will come back to make more in this one.
Image
A Tale of a Meeting. A short sci-fi VN featuring space opera in one part of the universe.

Dorne's Lets Read Visual Novels
https://www.youtube.com/user/dornevn/videos

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Anne
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Re: A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#4 Post by Anne » Sat May 25, 2013 12:41 pm

Good, because I'm interested :) I'd definitely like to see more of these characters (and the story also looks kind of unfinished the way it is now)

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Re: A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#5 Post by philip » Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:27 am

Just came across this; downloaded it and played through. Interesting and well done, but short - I would be very interested in seeing an expanded tale. If you were to do more of it, would it be a VN or KN?
"One who has never made a mistake has never attempted anything!"
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"Finish what you start"

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dorne
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Re: A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#6 Post by dorne » Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:26 pm

philip wrote:Just came across this; downloaded it and played through. Interesting and well done, but short - I would be very interested in seeing an expanded tale. If you were to do more of it, would it be a VN or KN?
Thanks for reading! It would most likely be a Kinetic Novel, but I may change my mind. As well, I may keep this one on the backburner for a while; I've been working on my writing skills and thinking of other stories for now.
Image
A Tale of a Meeting. A short sci-fi VN featuring space opera in one part of the universe.

Dorne's Lets Read Visual Novels
https://www.youtube.com/user/dornevn/videos

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storykween
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Re: A Tale of a Meeting [Sci-fi][Short]

#7 Post by storykween » Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:24 pm

Greetings, I tried out your game and I enjoyed what you have so far! For the sake of providing helpful criticism, I'll point out what I liked most and what I'd suggest you keep working on.

Strengths:
--Concept: I really like the concept of the story of empires across space and am curious to learn more about the universe
--Music: I really like your use of music in the VN, it set a strong atmosphere
--Pacing: The story flowed with a good steady pace, enough to keep the reader interested and make them want more. That is very important, so good job

Nitpicks:
--Writing: Some of the writing felt a bit awkward to me, as in basic sentence structure and paragraph flow. I didn't copy any specific examples but you might just want to have an editor help you clean it up
--Color Composition: Although I liked your use of images overall, you might want to think more about the overall color composition of your VN and try to make it more consistent. For instance, the characters were colored with pastel shades while the background was more saturated, so they felt mismatched at times

That said, I realize your VN is in the early stages and you're working on the project non-commercially. But I hope that my comments are helpful. Overall, your VN seems off to a great start and I wish you the best of luck! :D

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