Lemma Soft Forums

I've only adapted prologue of my story draft to ren'py.
All comments welcome.
Preferences, save and load are disabled; it's only 10-minutes prologue.

Download link: https://mega.co.nz/#!6cwiwBwa!bnrUuFoCe ... htFRsLHSNc

There are a lot of grammar errors and awkward phrasings, particularly mixing up tenses and using strange word order. I didn't take specific notes, but I can do a closer read-through of your script and give you some suggestions, if you like.

Also, the filter you used on your backgrounds doesn't look very good. It gives the impression that you started off with tiny images and scaled them up until they were blurry and pixelated. But this could just be my personal opinion and that's the effect you wanted, so feel free to ignore =P

Are you going to add music? It would really help with the mood setting. Or even just a few sound effects would create some atmosphere.

There are a lot of grammar errors and awkward phrasings, particularly mixing up tenses and using strange word order. I didn't take specific notes, but I can do a closer read-through of your script and give you some suggestions, if you like.

In my defense, this is the first story I write and English is not my first language.
Any critics will help, please do so.

Also, the filter you used on your backgrounds doesn't look very good. It gives the impression that you started off with tiny images and scaled them up until they were blurry and pixelated. But this could just be my personal opinion and that's the effect you wanted, so feel free to ignore =P

I'll change the filter to poster filter instead of pixelate next time.

Are you going to add music? It would really help with the mood setting. Or even just a few sound effects would create some atmosphere.

In it's upcoming version, yes.

I couldn't open it. My computer didn't recognize the file type.

Still, I wanted to suggest that you dd a few sentences description of the plot. I know you don't want to give anything away but I usually just skip a game without a short introduction. Something like the blurb on the back of a book or movie cover would be perfect.