Rhyme or Reason: BETA

Post demo and beta versions of your game here for testing.
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ludeshka
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Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#1 Post by ludeshka » Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:19 pm

Hello!
I´m going to request your help here.

Rhyme or Reason is a romantic comedy, with six endings.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to test this game and TELL ME IF IT WORKS!

Nobody but me has worked on this, so I have no idea if it works on pcs other than mine.

Should you find spelling errors, or any other mistakes, please tell me, since I want to present the best game I possibly can.

Thank you so much for reading. :)
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Valmoer
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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#2 Post by Valmoer » Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:41 pm

Quite in the mood for a romantic comedy.
On top of that, I'm way better at noticing others' mistakes than my own errors :lol:
Do count me in, please.

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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#3 Post by autumnruby » Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:42 pm

I'd love to try this!

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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#4 Post by Donmai » Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:41 am

With pleasure!
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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#5 Post by Reikun » Wed Jun 25, 2014 4:18 am

Hi! I've really been looking forward to your works ever since I played Hierofanía (and... proceeded to silently stew in deep feelings of love and admiration for your insanely wonderful way of storytelling). Hierofanía was such a huge inspiration to me and I still love it to this day... so I was very excited to for this game and WOW it's amazing ;_____; Even though it's short it's lovely and I enjoyed it very very much! A-ANYWAY! I tested it out! I'm 99% sure I played through every option available. No errors or exceptions on my end! Running Windows 7.

Some typos (bold signifies what it should be corrected to):
  • - Karen's family owns a cafe
    - strictly artistical liaison
    - it has to be the worst name for a club
    - Japanese cartoons (just need to capitalize the 'J')
    - DJ (is normally capitalized)
    - I didn't really get her name then
    - What's it to you? (it said 'what's it to to you')
    - systematic education
    - I didn't serenade him.
    - Even if what Brian says is true
    - and they're the only important thing in the world (no typo here but what "they're" is referring to is a little ambiguous; it reads like it's referring to Rhyme's feelings, but I think you actually mean "the band" is the only thing important in the world?)
A small grammar note: "on Winter" would normally be "in Winter," BUT I didn't mind it at all the way it is. So it's really up to you if you want to edit those bits since they are so minor and I don't think anyone would misunderstand it. If you need a proofreader for those little on/in's should you decide to change it...... feel free to ask me!

I was able to get all 6 endings without a problem! Really loved it and can't wait for your formal announcement!
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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#6 Post by ludeshka » Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:16 pm

AutumnRuby, Donmai, Valmoer: Thank you so much for giving this a try. Please, tell me if you find any errors?

As for Reikun: THANK YOU SO MUCH for the spellchecking.

"IN" and "ON" are terribly hard things to learn for me. I try to think them in Spanish, but it always comes out wrong! "In" es "Adentro" and "On" es "Sobre", okay, but which am I supposed to use here...?"
I've only very recently learned "these" and "this".
Some things take forever for me to learn. I mean, I've been tought them, but it never sticks!

Also:
Reikun wrote: - and they're the only important thing in the world (no typo here but what "they're" is referring to is a little ambiguous; it reads like it's referring to Rhyme's feelings, but I think you actually mean "the band" is the only thing important in the world?)[/list]
I regret to say that, indeed, I was talking about Rhyme's feelings. Rhyme indeed thinks their feelings are THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING.
Yeah. What a role model for today's youth, that Rhyme.

I know this game is so very diferent from Hierofanía, but it started life as a Nanoreno 2014 project, and so I wanted to work on something shorter and simpler. :P
I soon found out writing romance had its own challenges and wasn't as simple as I thought. O_o
But thank you for your kind message. :D

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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#7 Post by Reikun » Thu Jun 26, 2014 8:02 pm

ludeshka wrote:I regret to say that, indeed, I was talking about Rhyme's feelings. Rhyme indeed thinks their feelings are THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING.
Yeah. What a role model for today's youth, that Rhyme.
Ah, okay. That was my first interpretation, but the friend I was playing through with interpreted it the other way so I was just checking to see which one it was haha.
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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#8 Post by philip » Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:34 pm

Just downloaded and played through (enough times to get all the endings). A nice story, well told and interesting.

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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#9 Post by Lucid » Sat Jun 28, 2014 2:41 am

So like, I played it through once and found these. I'll play the other paths when I have the time. I skipped mentioning the ones Reikun already found. Sorry this is kinda long, but I hope it helps!
Oh, and sorry if it sounds nitpicky at times. You are a really a wonderful writer :)

I told her her town was a butterfly, waiting for Summer to flutter her glittery wings. (Near beginning)
While grammatically correct, writing one "her" after another made me confused the first time I read it, haha. Maybe add "that" after the first her?
EDIT: Waaaay at the end of this post, I wrote that you do not need to capitalize the names of seasons. I did not mention that in this line because in the song's lyrics, it sounds like Summer is a personification of the season summer, so you can chose whether to keep it capitalized or not in this line.

He doesn't even look over his shoulder, he just storms off. (Bumping into ex-band member)
Insert an "and" after the comma to fix this run-on sentence.

She huffs and I seem to have lost any attraction I have for her. (meeting Nancy)
Change to "to" because "for" implies that Rhyme feels attraction towards Nancy rather than the other way around.


But I'll be here just for one week. (A choice in first convo with Nancy)
Would sounds better if you switched those two words.

I...Don't know. I don't know if she'd like them. (Talking with Karen in her room)
Shouldn't be capitalized because it's not the start of a new sentence


But what did you think about it? (Karen and Nancy talking in the cafe)
Should be "them" because they are talking about multiple songs

A moment when I'm either going to try too hard or give up, no middle ground. (At music store)
You don't really need the comma and the comma makes it a run-on, so maybe replace the comma with "with."

I know it, I know it. I've been here before. (right after previous line)
People usually just say "I know," so getting rid of it would make it sound less weird.

It's not the weight I'm used to, and it won't sound the same, but, how different can it be? (same scene as last two)
The last comma isn't needed.

Karate Kid plays guitar and has to battle it out with the devil with the power of rock? (the audition)
Add "The movie where" at the beginning of the sentence and change the question mark to a period.

Can you remember it? (right after previous line)
Grammatically correct but another sentence could fit better here. Maybe replace with "Don't remember it?" or something

...(his name turns out to be Brian) (soon after previous line)
Reword. My suggestion is "whose name is apparently Brian" but you can roll with whatever you like

Peter has physical therapy today, otherwise he would have received it himself. (returning the guitar)
It's a run-on. I think I'd be best if you changed the comma to a period to make this two sentences instead of one.

Could you tell me how to get there, anyway, please? (getting directions to the hospital)
You don't need the comma before "anyway."

Being a very indignified dancer of the same myself, and knowing it sucks to have witnesses I do the only thing I can. (putting up posters with Nancy)
You need a comma after "witnesses."

Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence (back at the cafe)
Put double quotations around song titles. I think she mentioned the song's title when singing earlier too, so you'll need to double quote the title there also.

It's a rather tiring job, as not only you have to carry the crates inside... (after previous scene)
The bolded part sounds oddly worded. I suggest "because not only do you have to"

Was she...has she...did she say anything to you these days? (talking with Candace)
I would change it to "recently"

Then, it's like a storm breaks out (during the concert)
I think "Then, it's like a storm is let loose" sounds stronger, but breaks out works too. You need a comma after "then" though.

Today is my last day on Silver Shore (after the concert)
Change "on" to "in"

You can come back on summer (talking with Karen)
"On" to "in the"

I'll, I'll come back in Summer ("Paralell" Universe ending) <---"parallel" is spelled like this btw
There should be a "the" in front of summer, and seasons do not need to be capitalized

Silver Shore is beautiful in Summer. And in Winter. And in Spring.
same as above

I...Can't stay
This is technically one sentence, so "can't" does not need to be capitalized.

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Re: Rhyme or Reason: BETA

#10 Post by ShatterMe » Sun Jun 29, 2014 11:32 pm

Hey there. First off, the people above me have covered pretty much every piece of constructive criticism I had to offer. To me, the most important thing is that you proofread it, or even have fresh eyes proofread it for you.

I do, however, have one piece of feedback to offer you... And it's right here in an unnecessary spoiler tag! ^_^
WOO! THAT WAS AWESOME... Lovin' the art. LOVIN' the art... And the music's fitting but not too harsh. Great work! I loved testing out this VN overall.

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