Lemma Soft Forums

I just finished the Demo of my game Kako no Koi Threadlink

Now I need some Testers for the english demo!
It would be nice to get some feedback about story, bugs, grammar issues etc.

Edit: Demo is released

Hi Yukari-

Just downloaded your story and went through it. It held my attention, as I found it very interesting, and well done. The artwork was nice, and although there were a few grammar errors here and there, they did not detract from the overall story.

What are your plans? What more do you want to do with the story? Would be very interested in hearing about it.

philip

I'm the scriptwriter for this project, so I think I'm qualified to answer:

Yukari is planning to release Kako no Koi commercially, as a full novel-length VN. This, of course, depends on whethe the demo is able to gather enough attention to successfully crowdfund the full project.

For the time being, we're hoping to get through the English beta phase until the end of this month.

I haven't played through the whole demo yet, but I figured I should write a review now before I forget.

There are a lot of grammar mistakes and typing errors. You might want to have someone look at that and correct it (it's easier finding mistakes in other peoples' work).
So far, I thought the story was nice (haven't had the time to really get into it yet), and the art is great. I really liked the part you get after you quit, it was kind of funny and you don't see that too often in VNs (from my experience, at least).
I did notice one thing with saving, and that is that it's in German.

Other than that, I don't think there was anything else I wanted to say.

Loading wrote:There are a lot of grammar mistakes and typing errors. You might want to have someone look at that and correct it (it's easier finding mistakes in other peoples' work).

That's what we're doing the Beta for. Thanks for dropping a note!

I decided to play a little more, and got to the part where Chizuru wanted to talk to Naoya about his sister. They were up on the roof, Chizuru just finished telling Naoya to wait with his bento because she forgot hers and the scene changed to her leaning on the railing. An error occurred at that moment.
Here's the error:

An exception has occurred.
While running game code:
File "renpy/common/00start.rpy", line 160, in script call
call expression "splashscreen" from _call_splashscreen_1
File "game/script.rpy", line 1861, in script
IOError: Couldn't find file 'Music//Chizuru.mp3'.

Loading wrote:I decided to play a little more, and got to the part where Chizuru wanted to talk to Naoya about his sister. They were up on the roof, Chizuru just finished telling Naoya to wait with his bento because she forgot hers and the scene changed to her leaning on the railing. An error occurred at that moment.
Here's the error:

An exception has occurred.
While running game code:
File "renpy/common/00start.rpy", line 160, in script call
call expression "splashscreen" from _call_splashscreen_1
File "game/script.rpy", line 1861, in script
IOError: Couldn't find file 'Music//Chizuru.mp3'.

We found that one too. For the time being, just click "Ignore", and you can continue playing.

I finally finished it, and I decided to keep track of anything I noticed (other than grammatical errors) so I didn't post ten times for each thing separately.

During the ghost hunt, after Nagi tells the story, and then Hiroyuki makes her angry, as soon as the text
"Tsk. Really, you middle schoolers are something. Let me tell you a little about MY Occult Club..."
shows up, his sprite shows up on top of Nagi (in the middle of the screen).

(this is the route where he agrees on Nagi being weird, I forgot to check for the other route)
When Nagi wants to go on another ghost hunting expedition with her brother (this is in her room, with the club president there), the shrine is briefly shown. I'm not sure if this was just a result of me using the spacebar to advance through the game, but it was only briefly flashed. As I said, it could have been because I use the spacebar, but you might want to check it out just in case.

Shortly after, when Naoya wants to accompany the occult club's president to the door, I get something like a notification at the top of the screen in the middle (not an error screen) saying the following:
Missing Images
Na2rstaunt

On Saturday morning, Nagi says she's leaving to go get some things to make charms, but her sprite stays there instead of disappearing.

On what I assume is Monday, after the incident with Hiroyuki peeking at a girl's panties, you have the scene with Naoya's mother worrying about Nagi who was supposed to come home early due to some cancelled classes. The transition from black to the scene didn't seem very smooth at all. Again, this could have been caused by me using the spacebar, but it's still worth checking out.

(this is the route where he says Nagi isn't weird)

When Yuji gets punched by Naoya and "jumps" at him, his sprite disappears. I'm not sure if this was intentional, but I figured I might as well list it just in case.

Shortly after, Naoya thanks Hiroyuki, and right about then, the menu and Hiroyuki's sprite both vanish for a second before reappearing again. Again, I'm not sure if this was intentional or something accidental.


Also, there's one thing I would like to say. In the description you have of the story, you mention something about Nagi committing suicide. To me, this was quite a big spoiler, and I'm sure this would be the same for other people as well. I think her death would have a much bigger impact if you didn't list it in the description, as it would seem more sudden, rather than the person waiting for her to die.

Thanks for the replies!
I will solve the issues and upload a new demo soon.