Demo (Annyeong U.F.O) - looking for any sort of critique!

[Hasuko]

Hi all, this is my novel Annyeong U.F.O - it's a very rough demo as I have no actual art yet, just using things from here that I've found. It takes place in Korea, revolving around a young man named Yohan.

Also there is some actual licensed music in there but that's just a placeholder. As it's just a demo there's no custom menu art, etc. yet but I'm hoping to find someone who can help me with that soon. I'm looking for some crit on scenarios, writing, etc. Anything is welcomed!


Credits for the temp build:

Sprites:
Billy
Adam by PeriwinkleImp
Touhou by Kaoru

Backgrounds:
+cube+ (http://xxcubexx.web.fc2.com/)
Uncle Mugen
Zylinder

Sounds:
http://www.freesound.org/

[raistlintg]

Hi !

So, about Annyeong UFO :

I like the crazy direction the story takes when the ship's "body" appears.
There are already some funny sentences in this demo, and the idea of the ship transfering his IA in robots (or whatever) is good.

The art : I think Yohan's friends look fine, Yang looks very good, but Yohan himself and the alien are a little less ... lively, the drawing seems more akward.
Maybe they were drawn first ?

The story : some passages deserve more description on what Yohann sees, feels and thinks :
- when the UFO lands, because it's a mysterious moment and should be emphasized.
- when the UFO uses its camouflage, same reason
- when the alien glows in the dark, it's beautiful and gives a direction to the story (the alien is pure in contradiction to the rotten city Yohann lives in.)

And more important : Yohann should ask himself what the heck this alien is doing here, why did he come ???
I guess it will be explained later, but it's strange that Yohan doesn't seem to care about this mystery.

Anyway, just personal opinion.
Congratulation for making it this far and good luck for the rest !

PS : It's in Korea so why is everything written in japanese in the streets ?? I know it's Uncle Mugen's BG, but as a result it doesn't feel like Korea.

[Hasuko]

Sorry about the Japanese - I know it doesn't fit. It's just placeholder art for now and I hope to get some Korean BGs done once I can afford an artist!

Yohan and the alien are made from a sprite creator, so they're just also temporary. It's mostly all placeholder art.. I'm hoping to find better art for Yohan and the alien soon or be able to hire an artist.

Thanks for your insight on the ship scene. I think you're right on the emotional end of it, so I'll definitely see if I can add that emphasis you're talking about!

I really really appreciate your input! Thank you so much!

[NoahSindri]

I am downloading it right now ^-^ I'll play it and send you my review ^-^

[Hasuko]

Thank you! I've got a new build of it with a GUI and more story and I will be posting it as soon as I finish up a larger portion of the script. ^^

[namastaii]

I want to try this out just because 안녕 is in the title XD