Requiescence - Demo [Action/Romance/Fantasy][BxB]

[Dovahkitteh]

Hi everyone! I'm a newbie to making visual novels, but not new to playing them. I'm currently a university student studying game design, so I thought it would be a fun project to try making my own VN on the side.

Requiescence is my first VN project. It's intended to be action/adventure/romance themed. I'm hoping to accomplish 3 full routes (with good and bad endings) by the end of this year. Currently, there's just one guy working on the narrative - me - so editing and the like takes awhile.

Overview: Kymil is a young adventurer who's just arrived at the daunting threshold of a massive cathedral. At least, it seems like a cathedral, from the outside. When he ventures further, the seemingly-normal interior becomes an increasingly daunting network of hallways, caves, and fantastical, illusionary passages that challenge his perception of reality. Along the way, he meets several others who've ventured into the cathedral, each with their own story to tell.

Here is the current demo! >> [Windows Download] [Mac Download] <<

Some important notes:

- The art is NOT mine. The backgrounds are placeholder art that I took from DeviantArt. Its purpose is to help evoke the mood I'm trying to create, and was my inspiration in writing the original story. It will be replaced in the final product.

-On a similar notes, the sprites are not a final product either. They're placeholders that I made using a sprite maker.

-This demo is about 7.5k words, and I'm hoping to reach ~100k words in the finished VN.

-The game will not be commercial, more than likely.

What I'd really appreciate feedback on:

1) Did you come across any awkwardly worded passages, typos, or parts that seemed out of place?

2) Approximately how long did it take you to finish?

3) What's your opinion on the pacing/choice of music and SFX?

4) How do you feel about the main character?

5) What spot, if any, feels like it might be a good place to insert an opening video?

6) Any other questions or comments?

Thank you, everyone! Any input is highly valued. As I said, this is the first VN I've actually made, so I welcome tips and constructive criticism.

[cynthaiz]

Hi! Overall, the VN was good. I'll make a few points though~

1) There were no awkwardly worded passages as far as I could tell. I did spot a typo around the part where Kymil is reading the runes on the slab. The "the" in the sentence was repeated.

2) It took me around 50 minutes to finish the game, reading all the text and everything.

3) Overall, good pacing. Music is fine. There are some places where I feel like SFX should be added, such as a drip SFX when Kymil's blood drips on the slab, or a roar SFX with lowered volume when Kymil mentions that he can hear "a faint, deep roar."

4) I am okay with the main character for the most part.

5) Yes, of course! I would love to be updated on this VN!

[Dovahkitteh]

Hi! Overall, the VN was good. I'll make a few points though~

1) There were no awkwardly worded passages as far as I could tell. I did spot a typo around the part where Kymil is reading the runes on the slab. The "the" in the sentence was repeated.

2) It took me around 50 minutes to finish the game, reading all the text and everything.

3) Overall, good pacing. Music is fine. There are some places where I feel like SFX should be added, such as a drip SFX when Kymil's blood drips on the slab, or a roar SFX with lowered volume when Kymil mentions that he can hear "a faint, deep roar."

4) I am okay with the main character for the most part.

5) Yes, of course! I would love to be updated on this VN!

Thank you very much for the feedback! I agree on the point about the SFX - I'll make a note to add those in. I also know that the main character might seem a little weak right now; I think it's hard to establish a believable, identifiable protagonist without having them interact with other characters. In the original story I wrote (that I'm adapting to the VN) Kymil doesn't encounter anyone for awhile. I'm thinking about possibly changing that to include some characters earlier so he can better establish his personality, but it's admittedly kind of a struggle to figure out where to put them.

[Belgerum]

1) Did you come across any awkwardly worded passages, typos, or parts that seemed out of place?
Nothing really jumped out at me when I played through.

2) Approximately how long did it take you to finish?
It took me around 30-35 minutes.

3) What's your opinion on the pacing/choice of music and SFX?
There were some spots that felt like they were definitely missing music/SFX, like was mentioned earlier, but to be honest, sounds and music are used to enhance the narration and dialogue, and there isn't really any way to tell how much you should have or not. In fact, it doesn't have to be music all the time either. If you want to build suspense, or give a section a unique feel in the game, try finding a track of just ambient noises to put behind your tracks instead of music. For instance here, maybe some ambient lava bubbling, faint wind noise for drafts, or other fitting background noise. These can be found pretty easy, and sometimes work in a way music can't.

4) How do you feel about the main character?
Since the demo didn't have him interact with anyone quite yet, I can't say much about him, and you don't reveal much of why he's in the cathedral, or his motives from his backstory, but filling in those blanks is one of the fun parts of writing a story.
Besides that, he's enjoyable enough, though the main focus of the demo wasn't on him, but the environment he was travelling.

5) What spot, if any, feels like it might be a good place to insert an opening video?
At the moment, there isn't any specific moment where there is a break in the narrative enough to do such, but you could put it any number of places with some expanded text to build up a moment. Perhaps at the front door of the cathedral, have some sort of monologue about how he know he can't do anything but move forward, and that the doors ar his only way to salvation, blah blah blah, and then have an opening after he passes through them in a dramatic moment. That's at least one point where you could do it, but there's plenty of other places you could try, depending on where you want the story to lead eventually.

6) Would you be interested in playing more?
Sure would. There's enough ideas here for a good story, and if you keep it interesting by spicing it up with new characters and such, I'd love to play a full thing.

7) Any other questions or comments?
My last real comment about this is just that you write really well, but make sure you have a plan, and that the story elements mean something in the end. The blood dripping, the lava passage, the note, the icy bridge, and everything are great concepts, but at this stage in the story, you've just been moving forward and acknowledging them in turn. Do they each mean something deeper than just being a cool set piece? Why are they there, and why should the reader remember them after they are done reading the story. I see a lot of good writers make great scenes, but have trouble combining them into a cohesive whole, with no moments that are pointless or unrelated. Have a plan for that, and you should be golden.

[Laiska]

Hi, it looks like you've only made a Windows build for this. Would you consider making a Mac build as well?

Also, are the placeholder BGs you're using ones that you have permission to use, or which are listed as free/CC resources?

[Dovahkitteh]

Thanks for the feedback - it was all very constructive, and you mentioned several things I've actually been mulling over myself as I continue to craft the script.

...For instance here, maybe some ambient lava bubbling, faint wind noise for drafts, or other fitting background noise. These can be found pretty easy, and sometimes work in a way music can't.

I definitely agree - I went in and added some lava SFX to the part you spoke of. After a bit of listening I decided I'd leave some music there for now (although I changed the track because I wasn't overly fond of the current one), but in the future I may go back and change it to just have the ambient sound.

The blood dripping, the lava passage, the note, the icy bridge, and everything are great concepts, but at this stage in the story, you've just been moving forward and acknowledging them in turn. Do they each mean something deeper than just being a cool set piece? Why are they there, and why should the reader remember them after they are done reading the story. I see a lot of good writers make great scenes, but have trouble combining them into a cohesive whole, with no moments that are pointless or unrelated. Have a plan for that, and you should be golden.

I particularly appreciate this comment because I do indeed think I have a tendency to get carried away with the "this thing that doesn't seem important now but will definitely play a role later" sort of business. >.> I'm also a little afraid that I introduce too many different locales, too fast; it's something I'll probably have to revisit soon. The main concern is giving the reader the feeling that they're advancing deep into the earth, which is one of the reasons why I present a variety of environments. As for the other miscellany, I do have a plan for them. I'll make a note, however, to remind the reader of their presence a bit more frequently, so they're not just introduced and forgotten.

Hi, it looks like you've only made a Windows build for this. Would you consider making a Mac build as well?

Also, are the placeholder BGs you're using ones that you have permission to use, or which are listed as free/CC resources?

I've updated the main post with a Mac build, as well as the updated Windows build!

As for the BGs - they are not CC resources, unfortunately. I know it's something of a no-no to use art in this manner, but I do plan on replacing it in the near future. I actually contacted Pytom before originally to ask him if it'd be okay to have it in the demo, and was told it was alright as long as I didn't go to Kickstarter with it and disclosed it wasn't mine.

[Belgerum]

A few more tips, after looking at the newer build a bit:

You know, if you wanted to make the game a bit more accessible, you could probably cut back on some of the file size for the game.

Firstly, since the game doesn't compress it's files into an archive (There's some code for it at the very bottom of options.rpy), I can see a whole lot of files in that zip file that don't look like they're used. In fact, there's a 115 MB folder titled "Unused BGM" inside the distribution. Seems a little unnecessary, and means the reader is spending extra time and internet power downloading files that aren't used.

Instead of using larger image files, try using just these lines of code for solid color hex codes. They take up less space, since they don't need external image files, and automatically fill the screen, no matter what size you make the game menu, so it's pretty useful.
image bg black = "#000"
image bg white = "#fff"

another side effect to leaving your files unarchived means that someone with a text editer can go change that #jump part2 code and see the rest of the game you might not have wanted them to see...

If you're looking to have the man you encounter later have the name "???" for a period, I might suggest using a dynamic character name, rather than adding another seperate "u" character. Try looking here for a relevant example:
http://www.renpy.org/wiki/renpy/doc/coo ... 's_that%3F

[Dovahkitteh]

@Belgerum:

Yeah, the file size is a bit huge right now, but I do plan on compressing it quite a bit for the final build. The unused BGM is where I'm storing music I'll eventually use, just haven't yet, but it probably makes more sense to just store it on my HDD, doesn't it? ;p Thanks for the tips about the solid color BGs, I'll get rid of the jpgs.

I'll archive, too - the part that I took out will probably actually be in the full demo, but you're right, I don't want anyone going about messing with the files!

As for the new character(s), I did take note of dynamic characters, but a lot of side characters I intend keeping unnamed. I may use the function in the future, though.

Edit: Went ahead and archived scripts/images + moved the yet-unused BGM to my hard drive. Cut down the file size a lot, thanks! (Updated build links as well)

[Kate]

Stopping in to say hello and your project caught my attention! I'll be trying it out later... also, cool name