Have to say, the "Mental Health" tag caught my eye so I'm giving this a try. I'm writing thoughts down as I read, so I'm not done yet as of now, so some comments may not be relevant by the end of the story. I'll try to remember to delete those xD
General comments/errors I spotted(?):
a) Idk if it's just my computer's problem or something, but at certain points the dialogue jumps so fast to the next one that I literally can't read it. Normally you should click for the dialogue to advance so I'm assuming you coded that on purpose to imitate the effect of a person's sentence being cut off, but I literally haven't read half of the sentence before it jumps so it is slightly annoying. xD
b) Probably not really an error, but...currently by this scene (when Aurine didn't show up to school the next day after they first met), you've said that "Aurine doesn't go to school much, only a few days a week" like...3 times by now, if I remember correctly. First time was when Aurine showed up wanting their seat back, the next is at lunch, and then in this scene. It just felt really repetitive and even strange when Orion was asking where Aurine is because I was literally just like "...don't you know this already?"
c) I'm at the finished worksheet too early scene, and Orion's like "well I haven't told you much about myself yet", but I -swear- I've heard him say the exact same thing regarding his transfer here (just slightly more brief) the first time they had lunch together, no? It feels weird when you say "I didn't tell you anything about myself" then start right off the bat with something I've already told you about myself.
d) At the point where Nova says "Always working things out on the board", I'm seeing two Nova sprites on screen xD
e) Panic attack in the nurse office scene: Orion said "I guess I just panicked too much about my second day of school" Is it second day of school? I thought in the previous lunch scene, they already said something about a third day. And if I remember correctly, first day they met, second day Aurine showed up, third day Aurine DIDN'T show up, so I'm guessing this should be ~4th day?
f) Typo at the scene where Orion confesses he has a panic disorder "They tell you to just calm down and not get stressed out". There's an extra t in "stressed"
g) Either I remembered wrong, or I could have sworn Nova already talked about AOPII when she first ran into Orion at the park and talked about having that to look forward to during the divorce, and how she's excited it'll come around soon? In this scene, she's telling Orion about it again and Orion sounds like he's never heard it before, so I'm a little confused.
✩ Which character(s) could be improved on, story/background wise?
Aurine, maybe. I feel like not much is known about their personality/background other than that they share some similarities with Nova in terms of divorced parents, needing a constant...and apparently they skip school and doesn't care about school. And the use of the pronoun "they" got me really curious...I might have missed a bit because of wrong choices but was this ever explained? I'm assuming it has some significance, so I was really interested and curious about Aurine.
✩ Is their mental illnesses discussed clearly enough?
I think so! Nova's depression was depicted clearly, but I think a bit more on Orion's panic disorder is better. So far there was just that one scene where he had a panic attack, and after that it was more about him being obsessed with school than his panic/stress/anxiety. As for Aurine...I'm assuming she also has some problems too? But maybe I'm dense, but I can't really tell what.
✩ What scenes need to be expanded upon?
Some scenes feel really short and abrupt. E.g. the scenes where she takes Comet to the park is cute, but nothing happens except her taking Comet there, a few lines of mental thought, then heading back home.
Some scenes where there's tension between Nova and Orion also feels rushed. E.g. the one at lunch where he's like "you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to", it felt really abrupt.
Orion's therapy sessions are also a little rushed. I get that you're keeping it short but it went from the therapist saying "Tell me everything, big or small that happened", Orion talked about the argument, the therapist lectured him on how school isn't important to everyone, then moved on immediately to a different topic instead of discussing it, or discussing other things about his day like the therapist herself asked. That's not an accurate portrayal of a therapy session, and it's also...strange, if that makes sense xD
✩ Did you like it?
Yesss I did. I wish it were longer though, because the story is good and I'd love to see more! It's a very nice concept, and I have a soft spot for VNs that try to be realistic and portray difficult themes like mental illnesses accurately. The art was really nice <3 I like the theme of stars throughout the story. I'm just mainly glad that the theme of mental illnesses was taken seriously and it isn't like some stories where at the end everything is magically healed and fine just because of getting a new friend/relationship.
