Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

Post demo and beta versions of your game here for testing.
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Letitia_L
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Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#1 Post by Letitia_L » Sat Apr 30, 2016 11:21 am

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[GxB] [Suspense, Romance, Friendship]

Warning : Mature content


Main thread : viewtopic.php?t=38247

DEMO 1.2 Released! : https://letigame.itch.io/up-until-the-end

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Story

This was supposed to be an ordinary day, in an ordinary life. But it isn't.
You were in the town library, reading a good book when...You don't really remember. You know you passed out. And when you wake up, you are surrounded by flames!
Will you get out of danger? Will you create bond with your companions? And maybe, will you find love on the way?

Features

You incarn the namable protagonist. There is no sprite for her, since I want the player to identify to the character.

- ~ 105 000 words
- One romanceable character
- Multiple endings
- Original Art
- Free ( Pay what you want )

The length of the full game would be approximately 4-5 hours.
The demo is approximately 20-30 minutes reading.

About

This is a game entirely made by myself and it is the first visual novel I'm making, but I hope you'll enjoy playing it !
English is not my native language, so I'm very very sorry if there are any mistakes in the game, or on my post on the forum.
I don't know yet if it will be a free game, « pay what you want », or a commercial game (but cheap).

Update

The version 1.2 of the demo is released!

What is new in this version :

- Little changes in the story
- Backgrounds and sprites have been polished
- Characters’s eyes are now blinking
- Amanda and Matt have a sprite with a second pose
- More sounds effects
- Polished GUI + Background of the main menu
- One CG

Please give me some feedback !
Here's a little survey but if you want to give me your feedback without it, there is no problem.

-Did you enjoy it overall? What did you like the most in the demo ?
-Who is your favorite character and why?
-Who is your least favorite character and why?
-What do you think of the protagonist ? Can you relate to her ?
-What is your opinion of the artwork?
-What do you think of the story so far?
-Was it something that bothered you about the game?
-Did you find any typos or spelling mistakes?
-What would you say needs the most improvement?
-Do you think you'll play the finished game once it's released?
-Any other comments?

Thanks :D
Last edited by Letitia_L on Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:18 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#2 Post by sunwave » Mon May 23, 2016 8:20 am

-Did you enjoy it overall? What did you like the most in the demo?
I actually found it more interesting AFTER they had escaped than before. The character interactions and the mystery part is really nice. The action part seemed a bit off, probably because the writing was pretty mediocre for that part. I think you're better at dialogue than at descriptions.

-Who is your favorite character and why?
Matt, because he seems like the smart guy. Also, he's straightforward and honest (to the point of rudeness, but that's ok). And he found a knife. Handy.

-Who is your least favorite character and why?

Erika. She seems sweet and all that and it totally makes sense that she's shocked into silence, but I am somehow still annoyed by her reluctance to talk. She's still a nice character though. I like all the characters (at least the ones you're supposed to like. Not the bad guys).

-What do you think of the protagonist? Can you relate to her?
Not really. She's is too relaxed when I would panic (especially at the start) and panics a lot when I would try to keep quiet and hidden (when escaping). And she comes up with solutions that I would disagree with because I would think they would not go very well (like hiding in the trees, or spending the night in the farmhouse). Also, she didn't really seem to be scared of the bad guys, but just disgusted by them.

-What is your opinion of the artwork?
As soon as I opened the game I was impressed by the artwork. Really nice style. It all works together pretty well. Not just all backgrounds and images, but the GUI and font type also fit nicely with it. Later backgrounds did not disappoint.

-What do you think of the story so far?
Pretty interesting. At least it's got the mystery down pretty well, and the sense of threat. I feel like the choices are important as well. I played through it only once, so maybe that's just an illusion (I never tried the other options).

-Was it something that bothered you about the game?
The bad guys seem pretty generic, for now.

-Did you find any typos or spelling mistakes?
Yes, a lot. Most of them were spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes instead of typos, I think.

-What would you say needs the most improvement?
Your writing skills. The story is fine, but the way you're telling it can be improved. The dialogues and characters are good, but the inner monologue and descriptions are 'meh'. (See below)

-Do you think you'll play the finished game once it's released?
I don't play a lot of games since I don't have that much time. I probably won't do it, but not for a lack of interest.

-What would you be willing to pay for the full game?
4-5 hours would reasonably be between 5 and 10 dollars on steam, I think? No idea what I would pay. That depends on my mood.

-Any other comments?
You might want to try more 'show' than tell. For example, there was a line where you are stuck in the black room (at the start) saying something about losing track of time. You have been sleeping a lot of the time and you don't know if you've been there for hours or days. That came quite sudden. Maybe add two or three lines before it where you sleep, and wake up, and sleep again.

I was distracted by a lot of errors in your English. You might want to find a proofreader:
"in peaces" => "in pieces"
"tearfull" => "tearful"
"walk passed" => "walk past"
(And many, many more)
"something, and something" => "something and something" (Many times. There should usually be no comma before 'and')
"sentence one, sentence two" => "sentence one. Sentence two" (Many times. There should be a period when you start a new sentence, not a comma."
Don't put a space before a question mark. It's not "who did this ?" but "who did this?"

Also, sometimes you use present tense and first person view ("I don't stop running") and sometimes you use past tense and non first person view ("The gaze didn't leave you" instead of "the gaze doesn't leave me").


Overall? Pretty good. Nice quality artwork, fitting sounds/music and the choices seem relevant. The characters are interesting and the mystery is pretty interesting. The two biggest problems are the way the action scenes and inner monologue are written, and the errors in your English. I think if you find someone to check your writing and make corrections, your story will be pretty good.

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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#3 Post by Letitia_L » Thu May 26, 2016 11:12 am

Thank you for your feedback sunwave !
I am happy that you enjoy it overall, and I take note of all your comments!
Especially the one related to the protagonist, I will try to make some change for when I'll release the complete game.
And of course for the writing. I already knew that it will be some problems with my english even if I must admit, I hoped it wasn't too bad >< But I think I will try to find some proofreader ( but for free I don't know if it's possible...maybe I will pay someone if I don't have any other choices ) but anyway I will search somedy when the full game will be written.
Also I will try to re writte some parts, ( action, monologue, etc ) I will have a lot of work to do on the re read and re write thing ^^" But again, I will do that step by step and most of it will be done when the game will be complete.

I am happy that you liked Matt and the others characters, and I am also super happy that you liked the artwork!
Thank you again for your feedback, it helps me to know what I need to improve and how to do it :D

I hope you'll have the time to check the full game when it will be released :)
Anyway, thank you again :D
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#4 Post by sunwave » Fri May 27, 2016 4:11 pm

Yes, no problem! Glad I could help. BUT, I'm just one person and everyone has different opinions. Don't take all my comments as 100% the truth. =P

Also, keep writing until the end. Only start re-writing if you're done with writing. That usually gives you a better feeling of progress to completing the game.

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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#5 Post by Impulse » Sat Jun 04, 2016 11:50 am

Hello! Sorry for taking my time. I finished the demo and here is my feedback :)

-Did you enjoy it overall? What did you like the most in the demo ?
Yes I liked it. I found the story interesting (I really like stories where you're on the run and scavenge for supplies). I played the game several times and I liked that your choices in the beginning was very important. That was probably my favorite part, that your choices mattered. I also liked that you got a new choice if you killed the guy.

-Who is your favorite character and why?
It's hard to say who I liked the most since there wasn't a lot of interactions with the other characters, but if I had to choose I'd say Amanda. She seemed to be the one who reacted the most mature to the situation, and also the one trying to get everyone to work together.

-Who is your least favorite character and why?
This is even harder than picking my favorite character, because I haven't seen anything unlikable about the characters yet. I need to play for a longer time in order to pick a least favorite one.

-What do you think of the protagonist ? Can you relate to her ?
I think that she's pretty brave and fast-thinking, which I like, but I can't really relate to her. I would probably not react the same way as her if I was in the same situation. Ex. I would probably ask someone for help with my nose, and I wouldn't have climbed up a tree if I knew my strength was almost gone.

-What is your opinion of the artwork?

Okay, first off – the main menu screen looks amazing! I love it :) I also really like the character sprites and the backgrounds. Great work on the art!

-What do you think of the story so far?
It's interesting and I'm looking forward to how it's going to turn out. A part of me liked that I was just thrown into the action, but at the same time it was a bit too sudden. I would want it to build up a bit.

-Was it something that bothered you about the game?
"Wake up with a fucking headache". I don't think you should use the word “fucking” unless it’s a dialogue and/or it’s beneficial for the story/character. Ex. it's okay for a character to swear, ex. "He said: 'why the fuck would you paint these walls blue?'", but it doesn't look good to write "I walked into the room and the walls were fucking blue", know what I mean?

-Did you find any typos or spelling mistakes?
Yes. Unfortunately there were a lot of them. Most of them were grammar and spelling mistakes, but there were a few typos as well. I would suggest you have someone proof-read your script. I also think you should stick to a more simple language because I got the feeling you were trying to use a more advanced language than you can master. Ex. the word "perceived" is not the same as the word "saw", even thought they're similar. I understand that English is not your native language, but it still gives the game a unprofessional appeal when you have bad grammar/spelling.

-What would you say needs the most improvement?
Probably your spelling. As I said before, it gives the game a unprofessional vibe when there's very frequent spelling and grammar mistakes. Since it's a demo it's not as big of a deal, but if this were the final game I wouldn't play it.

-Do you think you'll play the finished game once it's released?
I think I would play it. The story seems interesting and I want to know more about the characters, just fix the spelling.

-What would you be willing to pay for the full game ? ( I don't know yet if it will be pay what you want or commercial. )
It all depends on my budget, but since there are a lot of games out there I think you should do pay what you want. Otherwise there's a chance not many people will play it. If you do pay what you want I will give you whatever I think the game is worth depending on length, nr of choices and overall quality.

-Any other comments?
Keep writing and keep doing what you're doing. You have an interesting story and I like the constant switch of environment. Your art is also stunning. I apologize if I sounded harsh when answering the questions, but I just want you to do as good as possible. If you just spend enough time touching up I believe this could be a really good game! :)
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Tears of Glass - [Romance otome, Supernatural, School, GxB] - http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=37523
Demo for Tears of Glass - viewtopic.php?f=45&t=38285

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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#6 Post by Letitia_L » Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:33 pm

Thank you for your feedback Impulse and sorry that I took so much time to answer !
You didn't sound harsh at all, I am very happy that you liked the game and that you are welling to see more of it !
I know now that the big issue is the spelling, and I'll have to find a way to fix that, maybe by finding a proofreader or things like that ( also, I'll try to use a more simple language, like you said I think I try to use a more complicated language that I can ^^" ) but I'll do that when I'll have write the all story :)
I am super happy that you liked Amanda, you're the first to like her the most ! I was afraid that the two other characters would take all the attention ^^
And thanks for the compliment on my artwork, it makes me super happy too :)

Thanks you so much for you feedback again, it help me to improve the game :D and your positives comments motivates me to try harder ;)
Thanks again ! ( yeah, I can't stop to say thanks >< )
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#7 Post by Impulse » Thu Jun 16, 2016 8:50 pm

Great! I'm glad you found my comment helpful ^^. I agree that you should finish all the writing and then go back to fix the spelling. That way you won't lose the "flow".

If you can't find a single person to proof read everything for free then I suggest you get a few volunteers that are willing to do a part each. Just be open about it and make sure to credit them all and there shouldn't be any problem. If I have time I am willing to help you as well. I'm not a native English speaker, but I have studied English since I was 7 (20 now) and I've always been pretty good at writing, so I'm not completely useless as a proof-reader :)

Good luck with your game. I'll be sure to look for it once it comes out :)
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#8 Post by Letitia_L » Thu Jun 23, 2016 2:43 pm

Woah Thank you Impulse !
The idea of multiple proofreaders didn't cross my mind, and it seems to be a good idea to me :p
And it super kind of you to suggest yourself as a proofreader, it makes me super happy :D
I'll make sure to inform you when the story is finished and that I'll need proofreaders :p

Thank you again :p And good luck for your own game, I'll make sure to check on it :p
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#9 Post by Letitia_L » Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:58 am

Hi there!
I am happy to say that the new version of the demo is now released!
This version is proofread and there is a few changes in the script and choices.
I hope you'll enjoy!

Here's the download link: https://letigame.itch.io/up-until-the-end

As always, don't hesitate to give me your comments and feedbacks :)
Thank you for you support!
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#10 Post by philip » Sat Aug 13, 2016 2:25 pm

@Letitia_L-

Just downloaded and played through the new version of the demo, and it is very interesting. The art is well done and the story is good. I downloaded the earlier version and played through it back in May 2016, but failed to leave a comment at the time . . . don't know why. The additions in the latest version fit in well. There are still a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing major.

Keep up the good work; I will be looking forward to the completed game!

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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#11 Post by Letitia_L » Sat Aug 27, 2016 4:08 am

Hello philip!

Thank you very much for taking the time to play the demo twice :D
I am happy that you found the demo interesting and I hope you'll find the final game good as well. :)

Thank you for your support!
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#12 Post by radium » Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:37 pm

Did you enjoy it overall? What did you like the most in the demo ?
i played the updated demo, with lots of saving/loading to see the options. i liked the demo. it reminds me of the telltale walking dead game. i like that you can choose to be cooperative and sharing or selfish. since its a demo i didn’t see any differences in the story (except for bad ends) but i hope that in the full game there will be different endings if you chose to cooperate or only care about yourself.

Who is your favorite character and why?
matt. he’s very practical and realistic, but has light moments like when he catches the mc staring. plus he’s handsome ;)

Who is your least favorite character and why?
erika. child characters are tricky to write and can end up unlikable if they’re too helpless. erika is okay so far, but i wouldn’t have her be mute the entire game as it’s a bit cliche. clementine from the walking dead game is a good example of a likeable child character.

What do you think of the protagonist ? Can you relate to her?
sometimes? when there are choices to be friendly or selfish, i chose the one i would personally do in the situation. but during parts of the story were there aren’t choices, some of her reactions aren’t relatable.

What is your opinion of the artwork?
i like it. the backgrounds fit the character sprites nicely. my only suggestion is to change erika’s eyes a little - her pupils shouldn’t go all the way up to the top of her iris.

What do you think of the story so far?
i love survival type stories and games so i’m interested in the story so far!

Was it something that bothered you about the game?
too many sentences start with ‘you’, which makes the description monotonous.

Did you find any typos or spelling mistakes?
there are some minor grammar issues and some sentences that sound strange. these things are hard to find if you’re not a native speaker, so i would get an editor.

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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#13 Post by Letitia_L » Sat Sep 24, 2016 5:15 am

Hello radium!
Thank you for playing the updating demo :D

I am so happy that you liked Matt :D ( and that you found him handsome :p )

Your advice about Erika ( Looking at Clementine from The walking dead as a reference ) is very relevant. I really liked Clementine and I think it will be a good reference too.

For the protagonist, I understand what you're saying. Did you like the fact that the protagonist doesn't have any sprite? I wanted to do that for the player to identify himself to the character (But I realize that it is difficult to do >< )

For Erika's eyes, I knew something wasn't right but I didn't manage to find what, so thank you for the advice.

I will try to find an editor when I'll have finished the story of the game, so I'll try to change a the problem with the sentences which start too often with "you" at the same time.

Thank you again for your interest in the demo and for your feedback!
I hope you'll play the full game when it will be released. :D
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Re: Up until the end DEMO [GxB][Suspense,Romance,Friendship]

#14 Post by Letitia_L » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:21 am

Hi there!

It took a while, but I’m happy to say that the version 1.2 of the demo is released!

Download Link : https://letigame.itch.io/up-until-the-end


What is new in this version :
  • Little changes in the story
  • Backgrounds and sprites have been polished
  • Characters’s eyes are now blinking
  • Amanda and Matt have a sprite with a second pose
  • More sounds effects
  • Polished GUI + Background of the main menu
  • One CG
I would love to know what you think of the demo! So don’t hesitate to give me feedback or comments :)
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