Proof of concept for a mostly text only game

[Ryue]

Hi
This is a small demo as a proof of concept (as stated in a post of mine for my main game I'm currently waiting for the artist there to return and in the meanwhile preparing a sidegame where I have not the problem to be artist dependent at all....aside from ordering one gui or a title screen as example).

Now what I have put togehter here is a proof of concept demo, where I would need feedback what people think of it.

Partly the splitting of the whole thing into
1.) Small map of room/area
2.) Location description
3.) The textual happenings

And then the choose action itself.

Designs are just prototypes as its just a proof of concept so a final version would always have a GUI artist lending a hand there to make nice looking boxes,...

Please let me know what you think and as always any kind of criticism negative and positive is looked for.


Downloads:

REITD_Chimera_I-1.0-linux.tar.bz2

(12.49 MiB) Downloaded 23 times

REITD_Chimera_I-1.0-mac.zip

(8.36 MiB) Downloaded 28 times

REITD_Chimera_I-1.0-win.zip

(10.4 MiB) Downloaded 34 times

[Ryue]

As there have been a few downloads already and I got only feedback from one so far (in the renpy IRC chat). Any feedbacks?^^

[sunwave]

I tried to play it. It's not even a minute long. I don 't think it counts as a proof of concept. It's more a way of testing out how the renpy system works.
1) The idea of map & text is ok. A few games do this, and it gives an interesting twist. Make them the right size for the screen, though.
I can't comment on 2) since it's too short. There is 1 line about the location.
3) I can see you're not very good with writing in English. I don't know if it's a second language or if you're just not an experienced writer, but you should really try to break up your sentences more. Use punctuation and don't just keep going and going and going.

More points:
Don't use white letters on light-grey backgrounds. (Or light-blue on light-grey). It's difficult to read.

Sorry for being so negative, but it's too short to really say anything about the game itself.

[Ryue]

I tried to play it. It's not even a minute long. I don 't think it counts as a proof of concept. It's more a way of testing out how the renpy system works.
1) The idea of map & text is ok. A few games do this, and it gives an interesting twist. Make them the right size for the screen, though.
I can't comment on 2) since it's too short. There is 1 line about the location.
3) I can see you're not very good with writing in English. I don't know if it's a second language or if you're just not an experienced writer, but you should really try to break up your sentences more. Use punctuation and don't just keep going and going and going.

More points:
Don't use white letters on light-grey backgrounds. (Or light-blue on light-grey). It's difficult to read.

Sorry for being so negative, but it's too short to really say anything about the game itself.

Even negative critique is better than no critique at all

And yeah I'm a secondary language english speaker and put that small demo together in 20 minutes mostly to see if the splitting up is bothering people or not thus map+description + text and how decisions are done. Which is why I put it as proof of concept if that idea itself is good or bad and not as a full fledged demo.

For the full demo/full game I've hired a gui artist and an editor as I know my weaknesses
(english gramar.......and how short most english sentences or lines are compared to those in my own language, and design )