Hello, I am making a VN for the first time and am looking for people to test a small portion of the beginning (Roughly about 3 game days of content). The full game will be released in late 2017 for free.
Any comments, critiques, bugs, suggestions are welcomed.
"TRUMPET"
"About the Game"
Shinima Junjou, a second year high school student, suffers from severe symptoms of dementia.
Unable to retain his memory for extended periods of time, Junjou becomes reliant on his older brother, Shinima Odoi, for survival. A week after his most recent memory reset, Junjou discovers the incurable nature of his disease.
While contemplating suicide as a way to free Odoi from his dependence, Junjou encounters several strange individuals. Bit by bit, his focus shifts away from himself and onto the many mysteries that surround his friends...
I have played your demo and I would like to share a few thoughts with you.
The game runs very smoothly. Scenes and dialogue transition without problems. It might be a bug, but a few of the narration blocks continue to have the previous lines in them after you transition out to character dialogue and then back into narration. From a reader's point, it throws you off for a second as you have to find your place again and would flow better with an empty block when you came back to it. One typo you'll want to change is in Dream 1. The name goes from "Him" to "Junjou" halfway through the scene.
Story wise, you've got some potential going here. The intro was...odd, for lack of a better word. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel by it and I forgot about it pretty quick. The dream scenes are very intriguing though. I can't wait to see how that goes and fits in with the main story.
It's too early to judge characters but I like the pink haired girl. She had a pretty strong impression in the first couple of days. I'll need some more time to see Odoi and the purple haired girl to develop before making any decisions on them. In your description, you say the main character is contemplating suicide but I never got that feeling. He was certainly feeling depressed from his situation but nothing more severe than that. I might have missed something though.
The music is solid and really captures the melancholy mood of the story perfectly and I really like the sprites and backgrounds.
Overall, I'm intrigued to see where this story goes so I hope I have been helpful. Please message me if you had any questions.
I have played your demo and I would like to share a few thoughts with you.
Story wise, you've got some potential going here. The intro was...odd, for lack of a better word. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel by it and I forgot about it pretty quick. The dream scenes are very intriguing though. I can't wait to see how that goes and fits in with the main story.
It's too early to judge characters but I like the pink haired girl. She had a pretty strong impression in the first couple of days. I'll need some more time to see Odoi and the purple haired girl to develop before making any decisions on them. In your description, you say the main character is contemplating suicide but I never got that feeling. He was certainly feeling depressed from his situation but nothing more severe than that. I might have missed something though.
The music is solid and really captures the melancholy mood of the story perfectly and I really like the sprites and backgrounds.
Overall, I'm intrigued to see where this story goes so I hope I have been helpful. Please message me if you had any questions.
Thank you so much for providing me with feedback, Dirtblast!
I didn't realize the blocks haven't been cleared properly, it's definitely something I have to look into.
There are definitely some plot issues that I didn't capture. I missed out on some details, so thanks for pointing it out!
You have been so helpful, thank you very much again!
