New Western Style VN test (18+)

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TheTitaniteSlob
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New Western Style VN test (18+)

#1 Post by TheTitaniteSlob »

Hello friends. I'm new to the ren'py game, so new I don't even have a user pic but I digress. I'm here for some feedback.

I saw a thread a, maybe a week ago, about western style VNs or games and considering everything I've seen posted here is some variation of an "anime/manga" style I thought I'd see what people thought about something different. I've created a pretty short test game and would really appreciate some honest feedback/critique/ripping to shreds on the art, the dialogue, the way it flows, the fact that there's no music, anything.

About the game:
The setting is a Parent Teacher Meeting
5-10 mins long
Bit of a comedy
5 endings (I think) One of which gets pretty spicy
It is an adult game with swearing and nudity (not very much) so sorry if I posted this in the wrong place.

It's literally the second thing I've ever made in ren'py and I made all of the art. A friend of mine, wrote the story and dialogue, so tell us what you think?

Here's a download for the game:
http://www.mediafire.com/file/i4155zv88 ... 1.0-pc.zip

Here's an example of the art style in question, one of the sprites I made:
Teacher_N.png
The art style in general (excluding the BGs) is also something I'm new to and that's a little out of my comfort zone but I was trying to create something that I could easily/quickly reproduce for making multiple/variations of sprites. I'm still not entirely happy with it but I'm getting there.

Any and all responses would be helpful.
Thank you kindly.

gekiganwing
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Re: New Western Style VN test (18+)

#2 Post by gekiganwing »

TheTitaniteSlob wrote:It is an adult game with swearing and nudity (not very much)...
Part of the story (including one of the illustrations) is not safe for work. Therefore, be sure to read about accessing or hiding the adult section of the forum.
TheTitaniteSlob wrote:I've created a pretty short test game and would really appreciate some honest feedback/critique/ripping to shreds on the art, the dialogue, the way it flows, the fact that there's no music, anything.
I like your drawings. They don't remind me of any specific artist's creations or any illustrated work. (If you were influenced by anyone or anything, be sure to mention it.) That said, in my opinion, your art would fit somewhere around the bottom middle of Scott McCloud's pyramid of comics art.

My first concern about your dialogue: Does your story benefit from a bunch of pop culture shout-outs and references? My second concern: I noticed a few proper nouns which need to be capitalized.

The story: I saw a few terms such as "favour" and "maths." Do they live in the UK? Canada? Somewhere else?
TheTitaniteSlob wrote:I saw a thread a, maybe a week ago, about western style VNs or games...
Off-topic:
I avoid using terms such as "the West," since it seems rather nebulous. There are many different nations and cultures. Each one has multiple local art styles, which have changed with time and technology. Even nations which are geographically close to each other can have few things in common. Because of this, terms such as "the West" leave me wondering who is included and who is excluded. Likewise, I hesitate to use the term "Anglosphere," since it also seems vaguely defined -- many people speak English in India, Singapore, etc.

TheTitaniteSlob
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Re: New Western Style VN test (18+)

#3 Post by TheTitaniteSlob »

gekiganwing wrote:Part of the story (including one of the illustrations) is not safe for work. Therefore, be sure to read about accessing or hiding the adult section of the forum.
So should I move this, or have posted it in a different forum? Apologies again, I read that section but forgot to update my age.
gekiganwing wrote:I like your drawings. They don't remind me of any specific artist's creations or any illustrated work. (If you were influenced by anyone or anything, be sure to mention it.) That said, in my opinion, your art would fit somewhere around the bottom middle of Scott McCloud's pyramid of comics art.
Thanks. Yeah my regular style is much more painterly, and focuses on realism. This style, is a bit more stylised. I've never been too much influenced by comic book artists so that's probably why you don't recognise it. I think the person who most influenced this style for me is a guy called Francisco Rico Torres. He also goes by Mancomb-Seepwood Francisco Rico Torres' Deviantart
gekiganwing wrote:My first concern about your dialogue: Does your story benefit from a bunch of pop culture shout-outs and references? My second concern: I noticed a few proper nouns which need to be capitalized.
It doesn't benefit from the pop culture stuff. We were just having fun (I think the entire dialogue was written in maybe 45mins-1hr) and trying to create a multi-path dialogue that coherently worked back into differently paths which is something neither of us have really ever written. This is also supposed to be a stand alone thing that we may co-opt the sprites or the general story for something in the future, but it wouldn't be the same thing again. There'd still be humor but probably a cut down on the references.
Thanks for the catch on the proper nouns as well.
with regards to the dialogue aside from the references, could I ask what your feedback was on that? Did it work? Did you enjoy it?
gekiganwing wrote:The story: I saw a few terms such as "favour" and "maths." Do they live in the UK? Canada? Somewhere else?
Yeah, we're actually based in Ireland, so we only speak the Queen's English. I completely didn't even think of that because I'm so used to ignoring american words.
Thanks again for the feedback, it was much appreciated.

Off-topic:
Again, as you said I don't really have a very defined style and outside of "comic book art" the west doesn't really have really big, well defined styles. It is ambiguous but I think when I say the west, I'd define it as outside of Asia or without an Anime/Manga influence. It's technically incorrect but what I've seen of artists, at least online artists, if they're Chinese/Japanese/Korean/South East Asian/ Russian, the majority have a very definite anime/manga influence. I haven't come across only a handful of artists from the middle east/South Asian/The Whole continent of Africa and the ones that do are very much influenced by either anime/comic books or they're more traditional style painters who would operate on different forums of the internet and almost definitely not making VNs. Within "Western Art" there is numerous different styles and even in "comic book art", so I guess the best tag for my art would probably be "non anime/manga". Which is weird, but I feel, is appropriate considering the forum's main focus. Anyway, it's an interesting discussion that I haven't really taken the time to delve into.

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