Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

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Obento Mori
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Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#1 Post by Obento Mori » Fri Jun 09, 2017 12:45 am

Image

A paranormal mystery visual novel by Obento Mori

Twitter | Tumblr

-

We are now on Kickstarter!

Play the DEMO!
Plot

Phantom Ban Detective Agency centers around Riley and Dameon; two high school detectives that fight strange beings known as Phantoms. Phantoms are summoned unconsciously by people known as Espers through their strong inner desires, and emotional trauma. These phantoms act to fulfill these desires and wreak havoc on their victim’s minds. Together they fight to protect their school and solve a strange mystery involving a forgotten friend.

You can find more information on our Kickstarter.

Image


Why we posted

Hello and welcome to our first full length visual novel project!

We are Obento Mori a small team working towards creating quality content and creating a community around our works. We hope that by sharing our progress with game dev communities we will receive support, feedback and advice on how we can proceed.
Half our team is working on as a commission. In order for us to create a full length version of this game to the maximum of our vision we will require support in all forms.

If there is anything you guys can offer please don't hesitate to share with us. We are aiming to update our status on these websites: Twitter | Tumblr
Facebook coming soon~

Our current questions for you:

What do you guys think?
Any glitches or problems with the game's function?
Anything that could use improvements art or play wise?
What do you think about the story?
Is there anything we should consider when we begin making the full game?

List of suggestions/fixes by the community:

*add a indicator that show the difference between clickable text and regular text when hovered over


Thank you so much for stopping by!
Last edited by Obento Mori on Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:27 pm, edited 11 times in total.

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hyesunxoxo
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Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#2 Post by hyesunxoxo » Fri Jun 09, 2017 1:40 am

Looked into it briefly and I must say the art and the characters are interesting at first glance!
However, I believe you will need a vast audience.

Revamping this thread and making it as fabulous as your kickstarter site, posting in the wip thread as well, can help you generate more audience that you can ever think of here in lemma. Just an advice ! It would be a shame to put a game like this go to waste.

Hope you achieve your goal! Also, maybe you would like to add questions you want answered after playing the demo. That would likely help you a bunch! Looking forward to see where this goes! Good luck~
Visual Novel Writer, Project Director and Otome Enthusiast | Hire me to write your stories! [Commissions]

Ongoing Projects:
Phantom of the Blooming Rose Head Developer and Writer
Reflections ~ Dreams and Reality ~ Writer
One Year of Apocalypse Writer and Character Concepts Creator
High School Otome Writer
And more projects to be announced!

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Obento Mori
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Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#3 Post by Obento Mori » Fri Jun 09, 2017 3:02 am

hyesunxoxo wrote:Looked into it briefly and I must say the art and the characters are interesting at first glance!
However, I believe you will need a vast audience.

Revamping this thread and making it as fabulous as your kickstarter site, posting in the wip thread as well, can help you generate more audience that you can ever think of here in lemma. Just an advice ! It would be a shame to put a game like this go to waste.

Hope you achieve your goal! Also, maybe you would like to add questions you want answered after playing the demo. That would likely help you a bunch! Looking forward to see where this goes! Good luck~
Thank you for your reply! I sadly hadn't even considered sprucing up the post before posting, I was just too excited to get it started! I will work on that ~ we'll also have to put some questions together in that case! I'm sure there are a good few we have in mind regarding the game and peoples opinions
We appreciate your feedback a ton , thanks for taking the time to let us know what you think!

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hyesunxoxo
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Posts: 78
Joined: Fri May 12, 2017 6:50 am
Projects: Phantom of the Blooming Rose, One Year of Apocalypse, Reflections ~Dreams and Reality~, High School Otome
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Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#4 Post by hyesunxoxo » Sun Jun 11, 2017 5:22 am

Obento Mori wrote:
hyesunxoxo wrote:Looked into it briefly and I must say the art and the characters are interesting at first glance!
However, I believe you will need a vast audience.

Revamping this thread and making it as fabulous as your kickstarter site, posting in the wip thread as well, can help you generate more audience that you can ever think of here in lemma. Just an advice ! It would be a shame to put a game like this go to waste.

Hope you achieve your goal! Also, maybe you would like to add questions you want answered after playing the demo. That would likely help you a bunch! Looking forward to see where this goes! Good luck~
Thank you for your reply! I sadly hadn't even considered sprucing up the post before posting, I was just too excited to get it started! I will work on that ~ we'll also have to put some questions together in that case! I'm sure there are a good few we have in mind regarding the game and peoples opinions
We appreciate your feedback a ton , thanks for taking the time to let us know what you think!
I saw the revamp you made! It looks really pretty now and hehe, don't worry. I understand how you must have felt.
I can finally get my hands on your game tomorrow so I'm pretty excited. Keep it going! ^^
Visual Novel Writer, Project Director and Otome Enthusiast | Hire me to write your stories! [Commissions]

Ongoing Projects:
Phantom of the Blooming Rose Head Developer and Writer
Reflections ~ Dreams and Reality ~ Writer
One Year of Apocalypse Writer and Character Concepts Creator
High School Otome Writer
And more projects to be announced!

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Obento Mori
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Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#5 Post by Obento Mori » Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:44 pm

hyesunxoxo wrote:
Obento Mori wrote:
hyesunxoxo wrote:Looked into it briefly and I must say the art and the characters are interesting at first glance!
However, I believe you will need a vast audience.

Revamping this thread and making it as fabulous as your kickstarter site, posting in the wip thread as well, can help you generate more audience that you can ever think of here in lemma. Just an advice ! It would be a shame to put a game like this go to waste.

Hope you achieve your goal! Also, maybe you would like to add questions you want answered after playing the demo. That would likely help you a bunch! Looking forward to see where this goes! Good luck~
Thank you for your reply! I sadly hadn't even considered sprucing up the post before posting, I was just too excited to get it started! I will work on that ~ we'll also have to put some questions together in that case! I'm sure there are a good few we have in mind regarding the game and peoples opinions
We appreciate your feedback a ton , thanks for taking the time to let us know what you think!
I saw the revamp you made! It looks really pretty now and hehe, don't worry. I understand how you must have felt.
I can finally get my hands on your game tomorrow so I'm pretty excited. Keep it going! ^^
I'm glad to hear it! Thanks again for your feedback ~ We're going to look into sprucing up our kickstarter a bit more now as well and see if it helps! Aww we appreciate that a ton ! We'll do our best to make the goal so we can make a game everyone can enjoy! Thank you <3

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hyesunxoxo
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Posts: 78
Joined: Fri May 12, 2017 6:50 am
Projects: Phantom of the Blooming Rose, One Year of Apocalypse, Reflections ~Dreams and Reality~, High School Otome
Skype: Hyesun Chan
itch: hyesunxoxo
Location: Philippines
Contact:

Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#6 Post by hyesunxoxo » Mon Jun 12, 2017 4:52 am

What do you guys think? Advice for how we can improve?

THAT WAS A SHORT AND INTRIGUING DEMO! I NEED MORE! XD
First of all, the animated/video intro is gorgeous. The title menu and looks great as well so kudos to that. I think it's relatively important, as it would be the first thing we see.

Writing
The art makes the people come, but the writing makes the people stay. So far I would say the prologue is great and intriguing but the success of the whole visual novel would fall on the consistency and skill of the writer, as well as the outline planned.

As an incoming visual novel writer myself, I saw some parts where you can improve but nevertheless I believe it has potential if executed properly. Mystery is one of the hardest genres to weave so I'm looking forward on how you do it.

The style is quirky, laid-back and fun (which is nice and refreshing) so I'm wondering how you'd like to mess the mystery-serious aspect of it. Would you keep it that way while adding the mystery and have the crucial scenes get the really serious dialogues or have it all serious by the last half? It's in your hands.

Ultimately, I am looking forward to the conflict on the way. I know you already know this to be able to write that but conflict is the best, and probably the make-it-or-break-it part of any story. For now, I like what I read and I'm looking forward to the refinement. Tip? Revise. First revision, experiment with the pacing to say, improve the story line even better than it already is (and it's good). Second revision, think over your dialogues and how you can refine them. If you're willing to have a third, that's just to double-check grammatical errors.

Kudos to your writer!


Art

I am an avid otome gamer so I've seen lots of art (not that I know a lot about creating visual art but nevertheless). The sprites look nice and I'm looking forward to more characters along the way, those that will have the power to complicate the story. I think there's nothing much you can do with the main characters anymore since they are already displayed and done but they look visually good and the reactions are great. Hope you look into the appropriate reactions for the storyline much more as well.

The backgrounds were exceptional! The swimming BG particularly took my breath away. If there's anymore of that stored somewhere, you gotta show it. It's incredible.

Another part I would like to point out would be the animated CG. It's rare to find animated CGs nowadays so that was a great addition and if you can keep it up, that would be fantastic.

So far I love the art and I'm looking forward to what else you can give us. Clearly, this is a promising team. For things I want to see, probably more art on the lighter side for some occasions? I understand that the concept is paranormal, phantoms and scary things but just a portion would make it really refreshing. I love it!


Programming

With not much knowledge in programming, I don't think I can make a valid opinion towards that so I'll be speaking with an average player's perspective.

From what I saw, the design is very neat and minimalistic. To me, it's beautiful. How the whole game is put together accordingly is also very well done so kudos to that. On the side note, I'm looking forward as to how the rest of the episodes will be presented. You have a truly lovely programmer on the team!

For constructive criticism, I believe adding more menus would be good but since it's still the demo, I'm sure that's not everything you can give yet. A CG (AND BG PLEASE) gallery would be great, along with a music gallery. So far, that's everything.

Music

I LOVE IT! And coming from a (somehow) skilled violinist like myself, that is a good compliment. I think they really fit the scenes so you have truly captured the essence of a musician and that's everything I could ask for.

More fantastic tracks throughout the rest of the game and I'm good.

Best/prefered social media?

I'm into LemmaSoft forums a lot, but I love Discord and Tumblr. For tumblr, it's a great site to create a portfolio. Discord on the other hand, you can join servers to talk to and possibly target the right audiences (gamers and devs alike). I have only recently been introduced to Discord but I came to like it.

How can we get more people to see this project?

Promote! Though, that's not as easy as it sounds.

I'd say make use of the social media and each member should take the time to share the game to his/her peers. Branching out to different people and sharing your game is never a harm. Renpy, Asterism, Otome Games, VN Enthusiasts servers and other Visual Novel forums is a good outlet.

Get the right people to take interest in your game and spruce up the content you already have. Everyone wants updates, sneak peeks, and this can truly have them watching out for your next projects as well.


What are things we can do to generate more interest for our project?



I won't keep this long:
Make people see, like and appreciate the quality so they come back for more. Know your target and never be ashamed to approach them.

--

I'm looking forward to it!
(Currently broke af so I'd have to find some spare bucks [dollar currency is a big ouch to my country] to get the full game)
Kudos to you!
Visual Novel Writer, Project Director and Otome Enthusiast | Hire me to write your stories! [Commissions]

Ongoing Projects:
Phantom of the Blooming Rose Head Developer and Writer
Reflections ~ Dreams and Reality ~ Writer
One Year of Apocalypse Writer and Character Concepts Creator
High School Otome Writer
And more projects to be announced!

User avatar
Obento Mori
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Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Mar 19, 2017 9:33 pm
Tumblr: ObentoMori
Deviantart: ObentoMori
Skype: ObentoMori
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itch: ObentoMori
Contact:

Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#7 Post by Obento Mori » Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:15 pm

hyesunxoxo wrote:What do you guys think? Advice for how we can improve?

THAT WAS A SHORT AND INTRIGUING DEMO! I NEED MORE! XD
First of all, the animated/video intro is gorgeous. The title menu and looks great as well so kudos to that. I think it's relatively important, as it would be the first thing we see.

Writing
The art makes the people come, but the writing makes the people stay. So far I would say the prologue is great and intriguing but the success of the whole visual novel would fall on the consistency and skill of the writer, as well as the outline planned.

As an incoming visual novel writer myself, I saw some parts where you can improve but nevertheless I believe it has potential if executed properly. Mystery is one of the hardest genres to weave so I'm looking forward on how you do it.

The style is quirky, laid-back and fun (which is nice and refreshing) so I'm wondering how you'd like to mess the mystery-serious aspect of it. Would you keep it that way while adding the mystery and have the crucial scenes get the really serious dialogues or have it all serious by the last half? It's in your hands.

Ultimately, I am looking forward to the conflict on the way. I know you already know this to be able to write that but conflict is the best, and probably the make-it-or-break-it part of any story. For now, I like what I read and I'm looking forward to the refinement. Tip? Revise. First revision, experiment with the pacing to say, improve the story line even better than it already is (and it's good). Second revision, think over your dialogues and how you can refine them. If you're willing to have a third, that's just to double-check grammatical errors.

Kudos to your writer!


Art

I am an avid otome gamer so I've seen lots of art (not that I know a lot about creating visual art but nevertheless). The sprites look nice and I'm looking forward to more characters along the way, those that will have the power to complicate the story. I think there's nothing much you can do with the main characters anymore since they are already displayed and done but they look visually good and the reactions are great. Hope you look into the appropriate reactions for the storyline much more as well.

The backgrounds were exceptional! The swimming BG particularly took my breath away. If there's anymore of that stored somewhere, you gotta show it. It's incredible.

Another part I would like to point out would be the animated CG. It's rare to find animated CGs nowadays so that was a great addition and if you can keep it up, that would be fantastic.

So far I love the art and I'm looking forward to what else you can give us. Clearly, this is a promising team. For things I want to see, probably more art on the lighter side for some occasions? I understand that the concept is paranormal, phantoms and scary things but just a portion would make it really refreshing. I love it!


Programming

With not much knowledge in programming, I don't think I can make a valid opinion towards that so I'll be speaking with an average player's perspective.

From what I saw, the design is very neat and minimalistic. To me, it's beautiful. How the whole game is put together accordingly is also very well done so kudos to that. On the side note, I'm looking forward as to how the rest of the episodes will be presented. You have a truly lovely programmer on the team!

For constructive criticism, I believe adding more menus would be good but since it's still the demo, I'm sure that's not everything you can give yet. A CG (AND BG PLEASE) gallery would be great, along with a music gallery. So far, that's everything.

Music

I LOVE IT! And coming from a (somehow) skilled violinist like myself, that is a good compliment. I think they really fit the scenes so you have truly captured the essence of a musician and that's everything I could ask for.

More fantastic tracks throughout the rest of the game and I'm good.

Best/prefered social media?

I'm into LemmaSoft forums a lot, but I love Discord and Tumblr. For tumblr, it's a great site to create a portfolio. Discord on the other hand, you can join servers to talk to and possibly target the right audiences (gamers and devs alike). I have only recently been introduced to Discord but I came to like it.

How can we get more people to see this project?

Promote! Though, that's not as easy as it sounds.

I'd say make use of the social media and each member should take the time to share the game to his/her peers. Branching out to different people and sharing your game is never a harm. Renpy, Asterism, Otome Games, VN Enthusiasts servers and other Visual Novel forums is a good outlet.

Get the right people to take interest in your game and spruce up the content you already have. Everyone wants updates, sneak peeks, and this can truly have them watching out for your next projects as well.


What are things we can do to generate more interest for our project?



I won't keep this long:
Make people see, like and appreciate the quality so they come back for more. Know your target and never be ashamed to approach them.

--

I'm looking forward to it!
(Currently broke af so I'd have to find some spare bucks [dollar currency is a big ouch to my country] to get the full game)
Kudos to you!

Thank you for taking the time to give us this feedback! It was super helpful and now we hope to change/ add pretty much everything you mentioned! We are actually making a lot of revisions to the story so I hope we can get some previews out soon. Or possibly getting out a longer demo when we make more progress, I know the one we have right now is short, but it'll probably be a while.

You talked about dischord servers, are there any active ones you would recommend we join? Thanks again!

User avatar
hyesunxoxo
Regular
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri May 12, 2017 6:50 am
Projects: Phantom of the Blooming Rose, One Year of Apocalypse, Reflections ~Dreams and Reality~, High School Otome
Skype: Hyesun Chan
itch: hyesunxoxo
Location: Philippines
Contact:

Re: Phantom Ban Detective Agency [Paranormal/Mystery] Demo

#8 Post by hyesunxoxo » Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:49 pm

Obento Mori wrote:
Thank you for taking the time to give us this feedback! It was super helpful and now we hope to change/ add pretty much everything you mentioned! We are actually making a lot of revisions to the story so I hope we can get some previews out soon. Or possibly getting out a longer demo when we make more progress, I know the one we have right now is short, but it'll probably be a while.

You talked about dischord servers, are there any active ones you would recommend we join? Thanks again!
Hello! It was my pleasure ^^ I'm very glad it helped you! I would be really enthusiastic to see what you guys have so far, so keep thing coming! Good luck on your KickStarter as well. I recommend for you to join the renpy server, otome games, some writer discussion servers that welcome game writing and servers for visual novel players and enthusiasts. Also, it would be best to interact and talk with them, share a few artworks and exchange some convos rather than just outright creating an advertisement post to generate more interest. I hope the best for this project! And yeah, no problem - it's a pleasure ^^
Visual Novel Writer, Project Director and Otome Enthusiast | Hire me to write your stories! [Commissions]

Ongoing Projects:
Phantom of the Blooming Rose Head Developer and Writer
Reflections ~ Dreams and Reality ~ Writer
One Year of Apocalypse Writer and Character Concepts Creator
High School Otome Writer
And more projects to be announced!

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