Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

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Karamelow
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Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#1 Post by Karamelow » Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:29 am

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°
Hello everyone!
So there is my entry for Nanoreno 2018. I put it in the DEMO part because I need too polish it and plan to add more routes sometimes in the futur (I also plan to release it on ichi.io when it will be 100% finished, but for now it will be just a bare download link).
It's simple little GxB story which I hope you will enjoy dispite my poor english ~
Thank you a lot for all your comments during the Nanoreno period, it was really encouraging and your interest made me really happy and don't hesitate to send feedback and more comments, it will help me a lot for the next <3
°

~* STORY *~

The story starts with Melia and her best friend Enris, at the age of 10 in their quiet village.
Life has always been calm and easy for our two inseparable best friends, but destiny isn't always sweet
and smooth and nobody would have predict that fate would pranks them with an unfortunate joke.
Now, who knows what will become of these kids in the future days, months and years?

~* CHARACTERS *~
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MELIA
Cheerful and with a strong nature, always running everywhere,
this little girl has an inexhaustible source of energy.
She always speak her mind and doesn't hesitate to tease Enris whenever she can.
Will this free spirit always be there after all these years.
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ENRIS
Melia best friend, he is a smart, positive and kind little boy.
Unlike Melia, he uses his brain before taking action and is more the quiet type.
He hope to become the next village's healer, like his father and big brother that he admires.
Will this innocent face keep smiling no matter what?

[NOTES]
°Even if the main charas are presented as kids there, their stories will be more focused on their teen and adulthood
°The story is Rated 18+ because of some explicit sex scenes when they are adults, even if most of the story is all age slice of life
°Please note that english isn't my native language, if you point any spelling/verb/grammar mistakes don't hesitate to tell me~


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hyesunxoxo
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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#2 Post by hyesunxoxo » Sat Mar 31, 2018 1:47 am

I know I made a private message in Discord for this beautiful dev right here, but I'm gonna leave it here too in case anybody wants to read about the cute game she made in the course of a month. Please read the spoilers at your own risk.

I found a few errors (everyone makes mistakes and Melow graciously admits that) and I thought maybe it can help. There are some grammar errors here and there, but seeing as you made it in just a month, I'd say that it's not a big issue. A thorough read-through or a person who can proofread them will be a quick fix, but composition wise, nothing seems to be out of place which is the most important thing for me. Some incidents with the word had/have along with a few others, but nothing too bad that you can't pick up and read it.

Next, I love the art! Your drawings just have some aesthetic to them, and
I love adult Enris! A lot! Haha. The chibis are an amazing plus, which I really find creative. Their placement are also timely to the scenes.
May I add that the backgrounds complement the characters, but still look amazing on their own. GUI is simple, but it does the work and doesn't take the eyes away from the art. A few improvements and customization here and there, it would be perfect.

Story-wise, everything is in a chronological order, and the order seems good in place. I would have loved more development between Enris and Melia, say, scenes of her acting like his assistant, hard times before getting close, to make it more immersive than it already is. Another example would be rescuing the prince, which seemed too easy. Again, I understand that this is for Nano, but if you ever plan to make it an actual, full-length game, I hope you take these into account! ^^ It's quite rushed the way it is now, but the sequence is superb. As for the intimate moments, I can say that they're written in a great way, and I love that it's somehow refreshing because of the personality of the characters. Oh! And I love the attitude-consistency when you write. Keep that up.

Overall, I enjoyed that short and wonderful read! I'm sorry for writing you this long bunch of text, haha! Can't wait to see more from you, and I hope you stop doubting yourself from there on. There's much room to improve, but it's safe to say that you nailed this. I love Melia and Enris, and I can't wait for more on this duo.
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Karamelow
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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#3 Post by Karamelow » Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:16 am

Thank you again for your feddback and taking the time to write it as well! As I've already said, it really helps to know how the players/readers feel and to have another opinion than my own. I will definitely take in count what you are pointing out to improve it in the future!

In any case, I'm glad that you appreciated this little story and the art overall, thanks again for your time ~
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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#4 Post by Zure » Sun Apr 01, 2018 11:11 am

It's amazing to know what you can do in a month! :)

As always, the art is very gorgeous and the story is appealing. I smell a good potential here. Will be waiting for the 100% finished game :D

Just one little thing, I don't know if it is only me but the game crashed at the very end of the story... Something about the "thank-you.png". I hope it helps!
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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#5 Post by Karamelow » Sun Apr 01, 2018 11:38 am

Thank you for your time and your kind comment! <3
As for the crash, I don't really know where that come from ;-; I've played it and I don't have this problem (and from all the feedback I had, you were the only one with this issue, I'm sorry...)
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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#6 Post by Ermytarya » Sat Apr 14, 2018 3:33 am

I played this just now, and its a really cute game, i like it. so cute couple. i ship them!. hope they dont have problems later because
he is the son of the king.

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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#7 Post by Karamelow » Sat Apr 14, 2018 5:23 am

I'm glad you enjoyed your read despite the grammar/verbs mistakes or bugs you might saw!
And I'm really happy that you liked this couple too, I plan to add the councelor route in the final version.
Also, don't worry! Melia and Enris will be a bit in trouble because of their relationship in the long version of the game, but I don't plan to write them a bad end... at least not for now (>__<)
Thank you again for your interest for this little Nanoreno vn ~
Last edited by Karamelow on Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Colors of Fate - DEMO -[Nano18] (GxB/Slice of Life/18+)

#8 Post by Ermytarya » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:16 pm

Karamelow wrote:
Sat Apr 14, 2018 5:23 am
I'm glad you enjoyed your read despite the grammar/verbs mistakes or bugs you might saw!
And I'm really happy that you liked this couple too,
I plan to add the councelor route in the final version. Also, don't worry! Melia and Enris will be a bit in trouble because of their relationship in the long version of the game, but I don't plan to write them a bad end... at least not for now (>__<)
Thank you again for your interest for this little Nanoreno vn ~
Oh! so you are finishing this? i hope i see it in the work in progress later on then! good luck with finish and polish this VN! will be interesting see how the councelour is!
And english is not my first language, so if there was some grammar i did not notice! x.x

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