Honestly, I'm still not 100% sure if it's really okay to be sharing this project with other people. But, you know what? I'm tired of feeling alone and isolated. I'm tired of feeling that I'm not allowed to show my true self to others because it isn't "appropriate" to do so in public. Thus why I'm here, posting this demo of a visual novel.
If you saw the tags, I labeled it "Experimental," "Autobiography," and "Spiritual."
Basically, this visual novel is my attempt at transcribing my heart, soul, and experiences (both internal and external) into as cohesive and coherent a visual novel as I possibly could. I'm making it primarily for myself in order help me self-reflect on my entire journey so far, but I also did my best to present everything in a way so that it would make sense to others, too.
It's basically a very raw, honest, and open look into my heart and soul. That's the simplest way I can describe it.
Originally, the idea was to make a visual novel where the player goes through different routes that correspond to different versions of myself, and learns about each one. It was basically going to be like a weird dating sim where you date different parts of me. I was going to make it solely to amuse myself and because I was bored and felt like it, but I was hoping even a few other people would get a kick out of it and maybe I could even make a few friends as a result.
However, as I began the project, I realized that what I truly wanted was to write the story of myself, so to speak. I wanted to relay my heart, my soul, and my experiences. I wanted to self-reflect on everything I've been through so far. So it ended up becoming that, instead.
Though you can still see the influences of the original idea in the prologue and routes 1-2.
Here are some things to note before playing the demo:
- The first 5-10 minutes of the game shouldn't be taken seriously. It's an attempt at being lighthearted and silly and is basically unrelated to the rest of the story outside of the idea of "You are here, in this visual novel, witnessing myself." It will have some relevance at the very end of the finished visual novel, though!
The story gets dark quickly. I don't hold back anything. I openly portray even the things that are difficult to share.
Each route has its own tone and "setting." Think of each route like a piece of a puzzle. A part of the whole.
Some of the sprites and CGs are placement holders.
Outside of Route 1, all BG images are free-use / stock photos. Because as you'll see in Route 1, I suck at drawing BGs.
The sprites and CGs I draw are very simplistic and unshaded compared to my full artistic capability. This is because I am an incredibly slow artist and it would take hundreds of hours of work to fully render every piece of art in the full visual novel. As this isn't a visual novel I expect very many people to be able to sit through, I don't want to spend that many hours on the art for it, and I'd like to finish this visual novel before the year is over. So, the art that is finished, is meant to be unpolished like that.
Routes 1-3 are taking place from within my mind/heart/soul.
Route 4 is in reality, from the perspective of my mind.
Route 5 begins internally, and then switches to reality towards the very end of the demo.
The sprites during the last 5 minutes of the visual novel are all placements.
The visual novel is currently about 5 - 6 hours long. I would say it is about 50 - 60% complete.
Most of the best parts are yet to come. But I feel like I reached a spot in the "story" that is a good place to share a demo.
Feedback I'm Looking For:
So, I'm actually not really looking for feedback.
I mean, what can someone tell me about the "story?" The "story" is my actual experiences as myself, internal and external. Even if someone says it's boring/bad/doesn't make sense, I can't change it without making it untruthful.
I can get someone telling me that "if you're trying to depict xxxx, then doing it this way would make more sense to others." But at the same time, I feel like I've already made the best compromise I can between "sharing the raw experience while holding nothing back" and "trying to depict internal experiences in a way that others can understand."
As for the art, I already know I suck.
I'm making myself suck even more on purpose, so I don't spend 500 hours on line-art and shading. (Yes, I'm legit that slow lmao)I know the beginning part (before Route 1 begins) is kinda weird, so I'll probably change it a bit. (At least around the part where it's pretending that you have a choice on which Route to pick)
Really, this is just something I want to share with others. As a demo, and as the finished product when it's done.
If there's one thing I want to impart with this, one "meaning" I want to convey with my choice to share such a deeply personal project openly like this... it's "Don't be afraid to share yourself fully with others. Screw wearing a mask and show the full, real you."
There are far more "meanings" and "lessons" in the visual novel, but I'm unsure if any of them can apply to others, because they are so personal. But if someone can take away something that was personal to me in the "story" of the visual novel and use it to improve themselves in their own way, I'll be glad.
Now, one last topic of importance...
I have this posted as a warning in the visual novel itself, at the very beginning. But I'll write it here, too.
This visual novel is full of my own spiritual beliefs. These beliefs, while they initially may seem religious in nature, are absolutely not, and the specifics of my beliefs are made more and more clear and are shown gradually more as the "story" goes on. (There's even more to them that I haven't even gotten to yet in the demo) As far as I know, my beliefs don't match any major organized belief system even if there are similarities. Mine are of the vague, spiritual nature - believing in things like the soul, God, reincarnation, higher self, "origin" realm of harmony and peace, etc. But they don't match things taught in the Bible or similar. So while I use the word "God" and similar, my beliefs are not Christian or religious even if one might assume so based on the word choice.
My main concern is that people are going to think I'm trying to "preach" or say my beliefs are correct above others.
Keep in mind that I foremost am making this visual novel for myself. I am writing it for myself. My words are first and foremost my own words to myself.
Don't read the text and think I am speaking to you, the reader. That isn't my intent. So, I'm not trying to change anyone's mind about their belief system.
However, I imagine that people who are strongly atheist or greatly dislike/disapprove/don't believe in the spiritual will not be able to sit through this visual novel. Since this is the "story" of myself, and I am a very spiritual person, and so those things are very prominent in the "story."
If my beliefs are too offensive/grating/stupid to you, then by all means, stop reading. I just don't want someone to come and bother me about my beliefs.
Also, please don't come to me out of concern for my mental health. The story is not done being told. At the very end of the demo, what is being depicted happened 4 years ago from now.
Alright, this is getting to be a huge wall of text, lmao. Basically, if this sort of thing seems interesting, give it a try! You can always back out if my experiences are too grating for you to sit through. I totally can understand that.
Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/tb975ey
Download Demo:
Windows: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dCkq_5 ... sp=sharing
Mac: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aw5HiF ... sp=sharing
And while I'm not looking for suggestions on improvements to the story/art, if you have something to say, you can contact me at any of these places:
https://linktr.ee/angelquarts
But seriously, for the love of god, DO NOT CONTACT ME JUST TO BITCH ABOUT MY SPIRITUAL BELIEFS OR TRY TO DEBATE.
I'm not expecting much from sharing this with others, though surprisingly to me, a few strangers actually read an even earlier demo and enjoyed it.
Just go into this having the most open mind you can, and maybe it'll at least be entertaining~?
There are parts that *are* supposed to be amusing despite the weight of everything going on! I am someone who is serious, but does not take myself too seriously. I've honestly had such a blast writing this visual novel, even delving back into memories that are difficult. I've learned even more about myself already, from retrospectively recounting the past in this way. I look forward to finishing it, and I hope it can make anyone out there feel anything at all or gain something from it for themselves, even if it's written for me.(I hardly ever come on these forums, so if you really do have something to say, please use the link above!)