Pieces of writing. Critiques are welcome.

[yukipon]

It's been two years since my first change. In this small span of time I've experienced more excitement than can be found in a lifetime, but I've also uncovered hidden secrets and terrible truths.
A flickering light isn't the sign of an electrical failure. Creaking in an old house is due to something with weight. Parent and child alike are careless in not being afraid of the dark.

What about:
"Creaking in an old house isn't meaningless."
"Creaking in an old house means something."
"Creaking in an old house is due to mass and energy." (^_^)

For that sentence, what are you trying to convey and relate? It sounds like you're trying to relate "creaking" with some sort of person or thing and convey that something sinister or evil is lurking there, but the sentence really does sound awkward if it follows this: "A flickering light isn't the sign of an electrical failure."

[Meinos Kaen]

It's been two years since my first change. In this small span of time I've experienced more excitement than can be found in a lifetime, but I've also uncovered hidden secrets and terrible truths.
A flickering light isn't the sign of an electrical failure. Creaking in an old house is due to something with weight. Parent and child alike are careless in not being afraid of the dark.

What about:
"Creaking in an old house isn't meaningless."
"Creaking in an old house means something."
"Creaking in an old house is due to mass and energy." (^_^)

For that sentence, what are you trying to convey and relate? It sounds like you're trying to relate "creaking" with some sort of person or thing and convey that something sinister or evil is lurking there, but the sentence really does sound awkward if it follows this: "A flickering light isn't the sign of an electrical failure."

Yeah, that's the point. Not sinister and evil, necessarily, just... Something. With the lightbulb is easier since there aren't many natural causes that can cause it to act like that.

[Taleweaver]

Really, all of this...

A flickering light isn't the sign of an electrical failure. Creaking in an old house is due to something with weight. Parent and child alike are careless in not being afraid of the dark.

...sounds really awkward. What about:

Code: Select all

In this small span of time I've experienced more excitement than can be found in a lifetime, but I've also uncovered hidden secrets and terrible truths. Now things make me uneasy that you'd probably overlook.

Like that lightbulb that is flickering even though you've paid your bills.
Or the boards that are creaking even though no one is even close to them.
Or the sudden, pitch-black darkness when you turn off the lights, even though there's a full moon outside.

What, aren't you afraid of the dark? No?

Well, you should be.

[Meinos Kaen]

Really, all of this...

A flickering light isn't the sign of an electrical failure. Creaking in an old house is due to something with weight. Parent and child alike are careless in not being afraid of the dark.

...sounds really awkward. What about:

Code: Select all

In this small span of time I've experienced more excitement than can be found in a lifetime, but I've also uncovered hidden secrets and terrible truths. Now things make me uneasy that you'd probably overlook.

Like that lightbulb that is flickering even though you've paid your bills.
Or the boards that are creaking even though no one is even close to them.
Or the sudden, pitch-black darkness when you turn off the lights, even though there's a full moon outside.

What, aren't you afraid of the dark? No?

Well, you should be.

Hmm... Sounds much better. I guess what it was really needed was a general do-over.