redeyesblackpanda's character/story writing training thread

[redeyesblackpanda]

Alright, I finally decided to take the time to write this (been really busy with Eternal Memories)
Here's the request. It's... not edited (and I'm writing it at 2am) so there's probably some mistakes or awkward phrasing...
My computer restarted on me because of an auto update, but somehow this managed to get saved, so I'm ecstatic. Anyway, here's the story. I'm going to institute slots, and make this a monthly thing, because I'm pretty busy with Eternal Memories already... So one slot a month, and I'll try to write something more sizable.




"You understand that there is an afterlife?"
"Yes."
"Even so, you wish to proceed?"
"Yes."
"If that's what you really want... I can grant your request."
"Please do."
"Very well. I hope you understand the consequences."
"I have no regrets."
"Then you have ten years. Use them well."

Those words... I still remember them. Spoken so soon after the collision that tore me from this world. Well, I wasn't actually torn from it like the others, and it was because of those words...

It had happened like any other day, really. You never know when these sorts of things will happen. They're really quite unpredictable. It was just a ride back home on a bus. We were driving over a bridge when it happened. If it was anywhere else... but it wasn't. In some ways, I'm glad that it was a bridge...

It just came, and slammed into the side. Just like that, we plummeted down. The last thing I remember is the impact. At the time, I was wondering how such a plain day could have taken such a drastic and dark turn without any sort of warning.

I was no longer in the bus. As a matter of fact, I was no longer anywhere, but I saw her. Her face was drenched with tears, and she began to fill the river with their salt. Something about her held me where I was, and as those around me began to disappear, I remained.

"I can't believe... I did this... Why?" she manages to murmur out between her tears.

I wanted to tell her not to cry. Why? I wasn't sure at the time, but the sight simply seemed too tragic. Her bitter, salty, tears joining the river felt more painful to me than the impact that had made me what I was then, a spectre observing her and nothing more.

Some time passed, and there were flashing lights and men. The woman left, still sobbing. Her tears no longer joined the river, but instead caused the ground to glisten.

She was gone? So this was it, then? I could not allow it to remain this way. It just wasn't right... and so... those words...

I was given my opportunity, and I took it. Although I hadn't known where she had gone, I was able to feel it - one advantage of being what what I was, I suppose.

She was enclosed by walls, but I ignored them, and went to her.

"Please don't cry. It's just too tragic..." I whispered.

"Who's there?" she asked, startled.

"Hello, I saw you... on the bridge. Can you see me?"

She squinted, then glanced around. It seems that she could not, but she could hear me.

"Who are you?" she asked. Although her question might have suggested otherwise, her voice sounded defeated.

"I was on that bus," I replied, honestly.

Honesty... that has always been one of those things for me... I never thought it would have actually come to this though...

“What do you mean, you have to go?” she asks. She should understand, but it seems her mind does not want to understand.

“I have spent these last ten years with you, but I must leave,” I respond, as I try to remain as calm as I can.

Ten years… What I would have given for another ten, but… I have already given all that I can.

“We’re friends, aren’t we? After that crash… you taught me to find pleasure in my life again. You’re… you’re not leaving, are you?” she asks. She must have convinced herself that if she asks the question enough times, she will get a different answer.

I… wish she was right.

“I… have enjoyed these ten years…” I manage to whisper. I can already feel it. It is taking me.

“Please don’t leave me…” she manages to say through her tears.

Those tears… they seem like they did that day. Her face… the ground… glistening…

“There is an afterlife, but don’t rush to it, okay?” I try to say jokingly.

“Will I see you then?” she asks, some hope returning to her voice.

I don’t lie. I never lie. Especially to her… lying… just…

“Yes,” I reply.

“I see, then this isn’t goodbye,” she whispers.

“Enjoy what you have here. Promise me that…” I manage to croak out. It is getting harder and harder to speak, and I have to use great force to get out just that phrase.

“Okay. I… I love you…” she whispers.

“Farewell.”

“I love you too,” is what I want to say, but the words are lost. It has come…

“Ten years… they go quickly, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do…”
“You know, you could have just gone to the afterlife…”
“I have no regrets.”
“Even now?”
“Even now.”
“I see… you would do the same if given the choice again…”
“Yes.”
“Well, I suppose what has been done has been done. I will stay with you until it happens.”
“Thank you.”

I never lied to her… not once… but… in the end… I couldn’t…

Every moment… every moment was worth it…

The afterlife? As far as I’m concerned, there was barely any sort of choice to make. It was not ten years or the afterlife. It was ten years or nothing.

How long passes? My mind is less clear… time is less clear… and so… I fade… and become nothingness…

[Crocosquirrel]

Here you go, Panda, Something fun for you. Original 3D renders for Alexis and Alex from Academy Daze.

Plus scene, if you would, please. You're welcome to peruse the thread on them if you like.

http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 16&t=11505

Go!

For the record, they're twins.

[redeyesblackpanda]

I guess I'll write based off their actual characters, or I'm going to end up feeling bad.
Do you have a particular genre in mind? If not, I'll just have to come up with something random.

[Crocosquirrel]

They're post-modern, impending apocalypse sci-fi

[redeyesblackpanda]

Yup. Alright... and I will make this comedy then!

[Old Hero]

To be frank, I was actually surprised at how good it came out. You really did a good job of conveying the emotions, and you definitely captured the melancholy feel to it.

*stealsyourthreadandmakesmyown*

[redeyesblackpanda]

I'm glad that you think that. It's not my best genre, I think, so I'm glad I was able to pull it off.
(I do love reading that sort of stuff though, so I guess I have that to help me. )

[Old Hero]

Aha, what sort of genre do you prefer to write, then? I'll be sure to give you something based on that next time.

[redeyesblackpanda]

I'm most comfortable with writing comedy, but the point of this thread is for me to build my skills, so I' rather do things that I'm uncomfortable with.

[Old Hero]

All right, I'll be sure to give you something extremely challenging-!

So long as you can handle it.

[Lumen_Astrum]

I really like your writing, so I shall challenge you with:

They're Cetus and Pascual from Withering Blossoms. Please write them doing something nice and friendly. I can wait for a couple of months~

[redeyesblackpanda]

Gah... there's no slot open, but since you're an awesome person that I know and work with a lot... I'll try to do two next month (so to stay fair and keep one open).

[Lumen_Astrum]

It's okay. Don't force yourself. ^^ I can wait for long.