Malios writing request thread1

[Malioboro]

i see many ppl has threads for written here... so i want try too... ^.^ here sample of my writing...

are yout he evil murderer jannie?? he whispered soft to the girl but then girl say no.

she termbles with fear and suspense as she shaeks her head 'you got me all wrong gerald she whisper tightly...

but he won't believe her because she has blood on her sleeves. 'tell me the truth' gerald beraths and she gasps 'plese really ts not me... plese listern its not me... plesplesples..."

but then gerld calls for polise to catch jennie. jennis got caught... because cerald won't isten to her

laterin the hostpiatl everyone see jennie suicide... and then sturn out jannie is not cuprit!!! but its too late...

to be continues...

[Gear]

Your grasp of English appears to be somewhat subpar. If I may, I'll offer a direct critique:

"Are you the evil murderer, Jannie??" he whispered softly to the girl.

She termbles with fear and suspense as she shakes her head. "You got me all wrong, Gerald," she whispered softly. However, he couldn't believe her because she had blood on her sleeves.

Tell me the truth," Gerald (insert appropriate verb here).

She gasps, "Please, really, it's not me... please listern! It's not me...please, please, please..."

I didn't understand the rest, so it was hard for me to edit, but you get the idea. Good luck!

[Malioboro]

good story no need grammar and writing... i cn get proofreader... english not my first langauge

[LVUER]

Good story need good grammar and writing. At least it shows your effort to do some decent works. If you don't do even some basic grammar and writing check yourself, how can you win people's trust? And those mistakes you made, shows up even in basic spell/grammar checker.

You can make some excuse if you are not a writer... but you claim you are. It's not a matter English being your first language or not. More like you are being lazy or not. Adding a capital at the first of every sentence rule exists in almost every language, isn't it? Btw, English is also not my first language.

That being said, I can't say your story good or not with just this. So I'm waiting for the continuation. Hopefully you fix all those basic mistakes in part 2.

[Gear]

If you lack sufficient grasp of the language, you can not write a great story. Good story writing relies on appropriate use of the language to describe. If you don't know how to properly use the words you've been given, you can't create a story above par.

[wakagana]

I dunno guys. It seemed like a vivid and creative masterpiece that will be praised for its genius in later years. I think Malios is on to something. You shouldn't be so quick to judge his strange way of spelling things. It's creative genius.


... :3

[ThisIsNoName]

If you lack sufficient grasp of the language, you can not write a great story. Good story writing relies on appropriate use of the language to describe. If you don't know how to properly use the words you've been given, you can't create a story above par.

I hope you don't mind, but I have to say I disagree with this. Humanity has been telling stories long before we had written word. I wouldn't say that you can't create a good story without knowing the language, but instead that you can't share it well with others.

But to get back on track, I definitely agree that the grammar could use a lot of work. Maybe a solution would be to write it in your native language, then use Google translate to translate it to English.

As for the story itself, right now it seems to be focusing too much on what the characters are doing, instead of why they are doing it, and what they are feeling. Honestly, right now I'm a bit too tired to think of any ways to fix it, but it's something to focus on in the following segments.

[Explosions&NickCage]

You know, just because English is prevalent on this site doesn't mean you have to use it. So many different walks of life visit this site and they might wish to make a VN in their native language. You should also show how proficient you are at writing in your own language, whatever that may be. They might want you for a non English VN. Especially if it's a Romance language that a lot of people speak such as Spanish, French, Romanian, and all the offshoots.
Bro.

[Malioboro]

anybody want writing resquest? i can look at picturs...

[Gear]

I hope you don't mind, but I have to say I disagree with this. Humanity has been telling stories long before we had written word. I wouldn't say that you can't create a good story without knowing the language, but instead that you can't share it well with others.

Point taken. However, I've yet to see a cave painting VN, as interesting as that would be...

[ThisIsNoName]

You know, just because English is prevalent on this site doesn't mean you have to use it.

Ermm... technically...

3.) Language
The common language of the forum is English. Posts must be written in English using standard capitalization and punctuation. Posting in chatspeak ("ur", "plz", "u", etc.) is disrespectful and not allowed.

I hope you don't mind, but I have to say I disagree with this. Humanity has been telling stories long before we had written word. I wouldn't say that you can't create a good story without knowing the language, but instead that you can't share it well with others.

Point taken. However, I've yet to see a cave painting VN, as interesting as that would be...

I seem to remember a VN that was almost entirely visual, though I can't for the life of me think of what it was. It might have been in the WIP section or something.

But yes, a cave painting VN would be very interesting, indeed.

EDIT: Holy off-topic, Batman!

Anyways, I don't have an image for you, but could you write a story about a man walking on a sidewalk? I know it's broad, but it could give you practice on writing actions without a purpose. Once you can do that, it's easier to go forwards from there.

[LVUER]

I also have to disagree that good English is needed to make a good story. To make a good English writing though, you do need to have a good English.

My concern is the lack of willingness to check basic grammar and spelling. Those mistakes can easily spotted by skimming, even more if you (even just) use basic spell-checker (which most browser already have it built-in).

And the mistakes are really basic, like putting a capital letter before each sentence. "you the" become "yout he". I think those don't have anything to do with understanding English.

Of course it's all doesn't matter if he's merely posting his thought. But he's making a writing thread, so... it's now matters.

[Explosions&NickCage]

You know, just because English is prevalent on this site doesn't mean you have to use it.

Ermm... technically...

3.) Language
The common language of the forum is English. Posts must be written in English using standard capitalization and punctuation. Posting in chatspeak ("ur", "plz", "u", etc.) is disrespectful and not allowed.

I guess I should have phrased that better. I meant that he could work on non English VNs or start non English and then have a translator on the team.
Maybe I need to practice my writing.

[Malioboro]

do anyone want write request3!!!

[Goddess Viridi]

do anyone want write request3!!!

I have been waiting my entire life for someone of your talent... I would be honored if you could write something based on this BEAUTIFUL masterpiece:

EDIT:

If you could make this a series, I would love you forever and continue to worship you!