3 Visual Novel Idea's. Critiques Wanted!

[sonorousgem]

Thanks for clarifying about Ryoma, Mina, and character development It all makes sense.

And I do agree on the cliche ending, unfortunately, in this day and age, it's hard to avoid cliches because everyone else has already done them to death.

I know, right?! Can't be helped...

However, it has always been my belief, that even if an ending is similar to anothers, it belongs to an original story, and the ending in and of itself is unique in its own way, which makes it not cliche... in a way. If, that makes any sense.

I'm not sure if I agree with that but I'd like to believe it. After all, there are still original elements.
Your dream was so deep :O (I'm sorry you didn't have a happy ending like Adam did...) And yeah, I've noticed that main characters are easier to write when they're like me, which is kind of weird and disturbing, but true. I've tried writing male protagonists in the past and I don't know how successful that was, but it felt more limited than writing in a female perspective (I'm a girl). Not that writing as guys is less fun
Hm, based on The Great Gatsby? I read that a while ago... kind of liked it, but it was pretty sad... Thanks for the short synopsis XD Kazuhiro seriously seems like a super fictional character (how ironic...), I hope you're able to make him awesome and relatable!
The whole story is very cute and sad (to me at this point). I can sort of see the similarities to The Great Gatsby but it also seems like other anime stories... That's about all I've got from it. From your other story, it definitely seems like you can make this work. I hope you can make the story more original, and I think you can do that with your characters.

[Nyron]

Kazuhiro is the dreamer in me. A lot of people have called me a dreamer for having such grand notions of how i'd like my future to turn out. Kazuhiro follows that idea in that he wishes for a life that doesn't happen to just anyone. Most people don't meet their fated loved one in Highschool, most relationships do not survive outside of Highschool, and most people rarely get to live the life they truly wanted to. Kazuhiro wants all of that, and it is within his grasp for most of the story which takes place during his Highschool days. However, once Yukino leaves, it is 10 years until she returns. He spends those 10 years alone, awaiting the day she'll return, but he doesn't know for sure that she will. At one point in that time frame, he comes to realize that she might never return. Things beyond his control could happen and he would never see her again. A nice part of the character development happens here, as he goes from being confident and hopeful to having doubts and being afraid that he could lose everything in the blink of an eye. From 2006 to 2009, he stops receiving letters from Yukino, which is what triggers this doubt and fear. That and seeing his friend with his family at Tanabata. Though as the summary shows, he eventually gets another letter, and it's the one he has been waiting for. His dreams come full circle for the next 8 years, and then, he almost loses everything, just as he had feared. Yukino is an important character in the story since she is the love interest. Since a good portion of the book is their school days, it makes sense that she'll be around for quite a while. Once she leaves though, she won't be in anything, but letters until she gets back, which leaves that whole section of the story to Kazuhiro. She is growing in her own way while she is away, and Kazuhiro is more noticeably growing as a person because of this.

The similarities with The Great Gatsby are these: Both Kazuhiro and Gatsby preplanned their futures. They had a dream that was nigh incorruptible, and though Kazuhiro faltered unlike Gatsby, he still never gave up hope that he would reach that dream. And then the tragedy later on.

I really hope that when everything is said and done and I've finished the book, no one has stolen it. I put them all up on here to get feedback. It was a risk I was willing to take to see if anyone at all would be interested in the stories I had to tell. As far as I can tell, they seem to be stories that people would read once and be done with. But just reading it is enough for me I guess, though it'd be nice if they considered it good enough to read through more than once. All of my stories will be E-Books, so that I can get more money for each book than I would if I had a publisher. They tend to take most of the money and leave you with a penny.