Need advice on specific plot elements

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Icas
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Need advice on specific plot elements

#1 Post by Icas »

Hello!

Although I've known about these forums for a while, this is the first time I've actually posted.
I'm in the process of writing my visual novel, and I'd appreciate feedback and advice on a couple of ideas.

1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.

2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")

Thanks!

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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements

#2 Post by OokamiKasumi »

Icas wrote:1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
If something in the story doesn't have a real reason to be there, such as: Add to the Plot, Add to the Characters, Add to the Situation, or Add to the Game, it doesn't Belong in the story.
-- CUT IT or give it a Reason to be there.
Icas wrote:2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
This is fine, if done Cleverly.
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements

#3 Post by Haze »

1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
I'm sorry, but this sounds very much like you're using the object as a mere plot device to "set the mood", especially where you say the object isn't really plot relevant. This is probably not a good idea, as people who play your VN will probably wonder "Wait, what about that object from the beginning? It gave the protagonist powers, right? Isn't that kind of important?" As OokamiKasumi said, either give this object more importance or just take it out.
2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
Ooh, this sounds like it could be quite interesting. If you can do it, and do it well, then go ahead.
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements

#4 Post by truefaiterman »

I agree with both OokamiKasumi and Haze.

Also, I've actually seen the 2nd scenario in some visual novels (which I won't mention because giant spoilers).

Now, with that said... if you want the player and the character to be different, and you want to give the player a supernatural item to "set the mood"... how about combining both elements? Perhaps that item it's what differentiate player and character, for example.
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KaenSe4
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements

#5 Post by KaenSe4 »

1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
To be blunt, there are a lot of different options to set the mood without causing as many questions as a mysterious unexplained object. Just restating what OokamiKasumi said, if it doesn't have a reason to be there, your best choice is to not include it.
2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
Breaking the fourth wall is always fun. :) Well, for me at least. Steins;Gate did it well with
the llama game scene with Okabe
. That was probably my first instance of experiencing breaking the fourth wall in a visual novel, and I really liked it. If you could pull this one off and sound legit, I think it would be a huge plus to your visual novel.

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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements

#6 Post by FatUnicornGames »

Icas wrote: 1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
You could use the sci-fi/fantasy element to enhance the theme of the piece or to tie in to a theme. But if it just comes out of nowhere it could be off putting. Proceed with caution.

I agree with the group about number 2.
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements

#7 Post by Icas »

Thanks for all of the feedback!

Some of you had particularly interesting things to say. I don't agree with everything you've said, but I'm definitely taking all of your advice into consideration!

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