Hello!
Although I've known about these forums for a while, this is the first time I've actually posted.
I'm in the process of writing my visual novel, and I'd appreciate feedback and advice on a couple of ideas.
1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
Thanks!
Need advice on specific plot elements
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements
If something in the story doesn't have a real reason to be there, such as: Add to the Plot, Add to the Characters, Add to the Situation, or Add to the Game, it doesn't Belong in the story.Icas wrote:1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
-- CUT IT or give it a Reason to be there.
This is fine, if done Cleverly.Icas wrote:2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements
I'm sorry, but this sounds very much like you're using the object as a mere plot device to "set the mood", especially where you say the object isn't really plot relevant. This is probably not a good idea, as people who play your VN will probably wonder "Wait, what about that object from the beginning? It gave the protagonist powers, right? Isn't that kind of important?" As OokamiKasumi said, either give this object more importance or just take it out.1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
Ooh, this sounds like it could be quite interesting. If you can do it, and do it well, then go ahead.2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
My first completed visual novel, which is at 1.3, it's final version(woo hoo!): Monster Uses CPU 2
Finally at version 1.0: White Fog
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-from Understanding Rhetoric: A Graphic Guide to Writing by Elizabeth Losh, Johnathan Alexander, Kevin Cannon, and Zander Cannon
Finally at version 1.0: White Fog
I make one song every week, all for free download! This weeks song: Synthis- The Mirror(Eliana Remix)[Preview]
You might ask yourself: If I could only save one paragraph of the work I'm writing, which one would I save?
Which one would I let go first?
-from Understanding Rhetoric: A Graphic Guide to Writing by Elizabeth Losh, Johnathan Alexander, Kevin Cannon, and Zander Cannon
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements
I agree with both OokamiKasumi and Haze.
Also, I've actually seen the 2nd scenario in some visual novels (which I won't mention because giant spoilers).
Now, with that said... if you want the player and the character to be different, and you want to give the player a supernatural item to "set the mood"... how about combining both elements? Perhaps that item it's what differentiate player and character, for example.
Also, I've actually seen the 2nd scenario in some visual novels (which I won't mention because giant spoilers).
Now, with that said... if you want the player and the character to be different, and you want to give the player a supernatural item to "set the mood"... how about combining both elements? Perhaps that item it's what differentiate player and character, for example.
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements
To be blunt, there are a lot of different options to set the mood without causing as many questions as a mysterious unexplained object. Just restating what OokamiKasumi said, if it doesn't have a reason to be there, your best choice is to not include it.1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
Breaking the fourth wall is always fun. Well, for me at least. Steins;Gate did it well with2. Breaking the fourth wall:
The player is a separate entity from the protagonist character, and, near the story's climax, the protagonist recognises the player's presence and directly requests assistance in a difficult decision. (Since the visual novel would have multiple endings, this element might only exist in the "true ending.")
the llama game scene with Okabe
. That was probably my first instance of experiencing breaking the fourth wall in a visual novel, and I really liked it. If you could pull this one off and sound legit, I think it would be a huge plus to your visual novel.- FatUnicornGames
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Re: Need advice on specific plot elements
You could use the sci-fi/fantasy element to enhance the theme of the piece or to tie in to a theme. But if it just comes out of nowhere it could be off putting. Proceed with caution.Icas wrote: 1. Unexplained sci-fi/fantasy element:
Near the start of the visual novel, an enigmatic character gives the protagonist/player an object with seemingly supernatural powers. However, the rest of the plot is void of sci-fi/fantasy elements, the object is non-critical to the plot and is more of a "mood-setter" (or perhaps gameplay element), and the enigmatic character does not reappear and remains unexplained.
I agree with the group about number 2.
Re: Need advice on specific plot elements
Thanks for all of the feedback!
Some of you had particularly interesting things to say. I don't agree with everything you've said, but I'm definitely taking all of your advice into consideration!
Some of you had particularly interesting things to say. I don't agree with everything you've said, but I'm definitely taking all of your advice into consideration!
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