Idea for a VN. Is it okay?

[ripple]

Hi. I'm ripple, an aspiring writer. Recently, I've been hooked on playing otome visual novels which feature fantasy elements in romance plots. Although I've never written actual fantasy before, I've thought up a plot that somehow has a splash of magic. I'm planning a bigger project than this with Ate Azariah (The Season Keepers), but I still think this new idea is pretty cute (and fluffy), which can be a great combination for a VN.

Here's a sort-of-summary.

Felice Velle is a talented preschool teacher. She encounters a problem with Devon, a seven year old bully who enrolled in the middle of the school year. Felice gives Devon crayons, in an effort to warm up to the little boy. The boy draws his classmates as tall, horrible looking stick figures using the three primary colors, even though Felice knows he can do better. Felice cheers up her other students (who are horrified by Devon's scribbles) by drawing hearts on the three figures Devon drew. An argument ensues between Devon and Felice, as he says that he's never met someone as horrible as his figures yet uses his/her heart. Devon comes up with a bet. If Felice can show her a person EXACTLY like his drawings after the semestral break that begins the day after, he's going to behave. If she loses, however, she'll resign. Before Felice can retort, the bell rings and Devon dashes off as fast as lightning.

When Felice walks home later, running Devon's bet through her mind, she encounters a butterfly with glowing wings. Entranced, she follows it until she reaches a playground in the middle of the local park. There she meets a red haired guy in red clothes, smoking (1st obtainable guy). Before she can wonder why the butterfly led her there, the butterfly moves again, making her follow it to a tall tree on top of a little hill. A sleeping blond guy in yellow clothes is leaning against the tree trunk, sleeping (2nd obtainable guy). She's starting to get tired when the butterfly moves towards a wishing well, also located in the park. A guy in a dark blue hoodie is there, flicking coins (3rd obtainable guy). Irritated and confused when the butterfly flies over to a few bushes, she reaches out to touch it.

The butterfly's wings fade the moment she touches it, making it turn into a glowing ball. The glowing ball enlarges, surprising Felice. She plops down on the grass, terrified. The ball speaks, telling her not to fear. She stares and listens in awe. It speaks again, saying that she's given this chance by Fate, to win Devon's bet. The guys she encountered earlier are ALMOST EXACTLY like Devon's drawings. They, however, are like Devon, who have hearts, but are not using them fully. It's her task to help them realize the value of using their hearts, so that after the semestral break, she'll be able to show Devon one of these guys and win the bet.

Basically, she has to make these troubled guys (hee-hee) love. There's the otome bit! But she only has two weeks.

Uhm, should I revise anything? Please do critique this idea. I would love for it to become a VN, but I know it's somehow lacking in some aspects. Please help? Is it worth continuing?

Edit: I'm tweaking stuff to make things more realistic. Thanks for the feedback.

[OokamiKasumi]

...like Devon, they have hearts, but are not using them fully. It's her task to help them realize the value of using their hearts, so that after the semester break, she'll be able to show Devon one of these guys and win the bet.

Basically, she has to make these troubled guys (hee-hee) love. There's the otome bit! But she only has two weeks.

Yes, this is a very viable idea. However, you're going to need a lot of psychology to make this work effectively.

Things to consider:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Do you already know what each person's 'love' problem/issue is? This includes Devon's and the kid's too.
> Do you already know how to Fix each person's problem -- from the writer's POV, not Devon's?
> Can you offer the player at least 2 alternate solutions to the one that works; one that make the problem worse, and one that only works halfway? This gives the player 3 possible options.
> Do you already know how you intend to END each path?

I am not looking for answers!
-- These are not things I, as a player, need to know, but You, being the writer, needs to know to make this project really shine.

Remember, if you toss in too quick a solution, those of us who have dealt with such problems personally will Know exactly how much research you did or did not do.

[ripple]

Thanks a bunch for these pointers! I'm progressing a bit with the guys' stories and routes now, and I think I can continue with this being a VN once I research a bit more. Again, thank you so much!

[Evolution]

I feel I must point out that a ten-year-old would not actually be allowed in pre-school. Pre-school is not required education and is often more like a daycare than anything. The other students would be half his age or younger.

I believe it would be more realistic to bump the grade up to, say, second or third. That way, he'd still be older than the class average, but it won't make anyone stop and consider the fact that he'd probably realistically be placed into a separate class to catch up to his age-appropriate grade by that age. Alternately, you could also lower his age.

With that said, I actually quite like the idea. I'm very interested in seeing the designs for these "primary colored" boys, and I just generally find the idea of the kid's drawing being brought to life and ultimately resulting in him seeing that the world is not such a bad place to be kind of adorable. If it was reworked a bit, it'd probably make a pretty good children's story.

[ripple]

Honestly, I haven't thought of that. Thanks for pointing that out! I think I'd just lower his age down a bit. Can seven or eight fit? I originally placed six there, but I thought that would make him too young to realize such things. I guess I went overboard XD

I think I can tweak the plot a bit to make the characters' backgrounds and ages more realistic. I really appreciate your advice!

[Evolution]

Preschool honestly probably just isn't the best setting. There are children as young as two in attendance, and I don't think your goal was for Devon to be bullying toddlers. : P

As mentioned, preschool is not required schooling and they probably have strict age cut-offs.

As I understand your story, bumping the grade up to kindergarten or first at the very least wouldn't really impact it beyond making the characters fit more realistically.

What is your reasoning for wanting to set it in preschool?