Akai85's Writing Thread

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Akai85's Writing Thread

#1 Post by Akai85 » Sat Dec 13, 2014 1:50 am

You are at: Akai's epic writing thread.

Caution: You may be lost.

Annnyway, here's where I post that... what's it called... '"practice writing?" "vomit writing?" - the random stuff you do which doesn't mean anything. I also take prompts.

I will write anything but erotica. I usually write school days, coming of age, sci-fi and fantasy but I don't mind trying other stuff. I want to work on mystery, grotesque, horror and suspense anyway. Even better is if the prompt is serious because I add humour in to almost everything I write. Just no wangst because I have read fanfiction and NO.

Here's my first er... writing thing? It's like a cross between shingeki no kyoujin, twilight and poison ivy. And there's lots of language in it, so don't like, don't read!
Basically the system can only run on reserve power for so long before it chokes. And when that happens... no more tea, basically.

Hey, hold up a minute! I need that damn tea!

The backup battery is in the city hall, with sliming caeferias fornicating all on top of it. What do you want me to do?

But, but, I can't! You know I need that tea without it I-

Give it up. There's nothing we can do about it.

Do you want me to eat you?

If it's a choice between you and those fucking caeferias then you can go right ahead. I'll warn you though, I probably taste like shit. In the last few days all I've had to eat were some spuds and a breath mint of dubious origin.

Yuck. Alright then, guess there's nothing else to try...

Paul.

Yes, Dan?

Why are you unbuttoning your pants?

It's a precaution, Dan.

Paul... that's fucking stupid. Silver's never worked on you before.

Then let's hope it does now.

Paul, sticking a silver cross down your underpants isn't going to prevent you from mauling me. Besides, it feels disrespectful.

But this is the only silver I have on me.

I may have so- ...I guess that's too bad, huh?

...Your earrings are silver.

My sister special ordered these for me. You are not sticking them down your pants.

Aw, c'mon, Dan...

Fuck no.

Look, this really isn't the time to get all squeamish.

You can't have them.

Dan! Give me the fucking earrings!

No way in hell, bastard. Stick to your dick cross, don't go and cheat on your boyfriend, Jesus, there.

Dan.

What? You wanna have a go?

Give!

Me!

The!

Damn!

Earrings!

Alright, fine... here, my car keys.

Those aren't silver.

They're silver plated. Now go ahead and stick these in your pants but if I see any marks-

Hey, what do you think I am, a toddler? The only shitstain you're ever gonna see, asshole, is the one in the mirror.

Well?

Well, what?

Are you feeling any less immune?

I won't know until I actually transform.

Oh for the love of - fine, okay, whatever. Listen, why don't I go and look for the tea just in case?

I thought you didn't want to go.

I don't but those caperfucks have no effect on me, so why not?

You know that's not the point. Maybe they can't infect you but to anyone already infected you'll be a walking target.

Either way I die, right? At least this way I have a sliver of a chance.

What about the silver?

...There's no chance in hell that'll work, Paul.

I already stuck the keys in my pants though.

Yeah, you better wash them when I get back. Alright, Paul guess I'll see you soon.

You promise you'll come back?

Well, I can't promise what condition I'll be in but sure. I can't just let you go on a rampage and start eating infected humans. Think of how much that'd cost to fix.
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#2 Post by Akai85 » Sun Dec 14, 2014 10:39 am

No replies... Ouch, does my writing suck that bad? :oops:

Ah, whatever. Here's another thing I've written but due to content I'm spoiler-tagging the whole thing. If you want to read about depression, lies and pregnancy go ahead. Inspired by... um... Doctor Phil, actually.

Also it's much easier to read if you copy and paste into something cause of how the spoiler looks. I usually prefer spoiler tags...
Lies... lies...

I look down blankly. The usual sight meets my eyes, slight chest and rounded stomach.

I feel... wrong.

I feel disgusting.

"So, you're not pregnant?"

"I'm not pregnant."

"...So you were lying this whole time."

My stomach churns; I feel faint.

"You're the one who said you wanted a baby."

"Yes, a real baby! Why did you lie to me like that?!"

Because... I thought... if I did, you would keep being friends with me. And I thought maybe I could try to find one and somehow everything would be okay.

"I don't know."

"That's sick. That is sick - you lied to me, you said you were having a baby you didn't want."

Oh god.

"You said I could adopt your baby because you knew that I would be a good mother. I trusted you."

God.

"That's not the type of thing you joke about! Did you think this was funny, a joke?!"

I just wanted to give you what you wanted.

"We were serious about having a baby. It meant so much to us, me and my husband and you... you just crapped all over it."

I'm sorry.

"I can't even understand... the extent of the hatred and disgust and anger I feel. I... I... I never want to talk to you again. I want you to right now delete my contact info from your phone - DELETE IT - and after that never talk to me again."

"Sorry."

"Did you delete it?"

I thought about memorising the number on the screen... waiting a few months... a few years... and apologising again.

But I didn't.

"I deleted it."

"Good. I'm blocking you and deleting your information."

"...I really want you to feel how much I hate you right now. You must think you're pretty clever, huh, sitting behind your computer screen and laughing at me. All that crap about being a good mother, I bet you got a lot of laughs out of that."

"But you know what? You're sick, you're disgusting. It's sad - I honestly pity you. You are going to die sad and lonely and unloved, alone with that lump of coal you call a heart."


What could I say? She was right.

I couldn't do anything but lie. And now?

I couldn't even do that.

"Goodbye."

I hate myself... my stupid body. I just wanted to be useful to someone for once.

Why did this have to happen?

Does god truly hate me so much?

All I wanted... was to help my friend.
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#3 Post by fleet » Sun Dec 14, 2014 4:53 pm

I read both pieces. Since I am unfamiliar with "shingeki no kyoujin, twilight and poison ivy" some of the references in the first piece didn't make sense (I know that twilight has something to do with vampires).
Keep writing. You're work isn't bad, and you'll get better as you continue.
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#4 Post by Akai85 » Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:44 am

fleet wrote:I read both pieces. Since I am unfamiliar with "shingeki no kyoujin, twilight and poison ivy" some of the references in the first piece didn't make sense (I know that twilight has something to do with vampires).
Keep writing. You're work isn't bad, and you'll get better as you continue.
My writing has been described as 'meh', so any advice from me is worth what you paid for it.
Nah, I didn't make any references. I was referring to the um... genre... I guess.

Thanks for the encouragement. I certainly won't give up any time soon. :D
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#5 Post by czxcjx » Sun Dec 28, 2014 2:39 pm

Do you always write dialogue heavy stuff? Maybe you should try some descriptive prompts like describing a scene. I always find people who want to start of writing loads of dialogue strange because dialogue is one of the bloody hardest things to get right and even though it may sound right when vocalized internally there's always something strange or lacking on rereading.
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#6 Post by Akai85 » Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:28 pm

Yes, always. I'd actually say my strength is writing natural-sounding dialogue though of course all art is performative in nature. I don't write descriptive things often, it's not my style and I'm not good at putting into words the things I imagine. I prefer to leave physical descriptions kinda barebones too as then I think that the setting can be more evocative in a way that isn't tied down... not sure if I said that right.

I'm surprised though that you say most people wouldn't be eager to write lots of dialogue- Isn't that the best part? Coming up with distinct personalities and watching them clash and react with each other? I've always found setting a little boring and never paid much attention to it in books (unless it's a place like Hogwarts) because I never cared about the cracks in the pavement or the fraying curtains or whatever. It slows me down having to read and visualize all these things whereas if you say "unkempt apartment" I immediately get what you mean. I guess the thing to note here is the range of expression such a method gets you and that's probably why a lot of writers focus on details but I'm not very good at it.

But I do know it's a weakness that I have to fix and I've been working on it. I've also always hated worldbuilding because I found the various minutae boring but now I've started doing some for a project I've seen how powerful it is and I can view it in a way of connecting blocks so I can easily change elements and move things around to fit my vision (And again a crappy description of my own viewpoint!) Anyway this is a visual novel forum so the stuff I submitted so far is mostly in script form but I do work on other things (stories) that hit more of a balance. Description is always a small part for me though. I'd put an example here to show you what I mean but I don't have any on this laptop. Maybe next time I'll write a prompt with more description.

Basically instead of: Large, frightening teeth exposed behind the pull of gum and flesh; yellowed, bloodshot eyes staring ahead wildly, the dog leapt at me. (Which already sucks - How do people even write purple prose? Can you quantify that, divide it into two portions and give me one? :oops: )

You get: The dog leapt at me and I twisted on my foot, almost tripping in my hurry to get away. --> Barebones. But it is useful for when you want a fast pace.
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#7 Post by michan » Mon Dec 29, 2014 1:01 pm

Akai85 wrote: I'd actually say my strength is writing natural-sounding dialogue though of course all art is performative in nature. I don't write descriptive things often, it's not my style and I'm not good at putting into words the things I imagine. I prefer to leave physical descriptions kinda barebones too as then I think that the setting can be more evocative in a way that isn't tied down...
This. It's good that at this stage you have a feel for your own style. With more practice (and a bit more reading + reading + reading), you're bound to get better. (I'm kind of envious that your strength lies in dialogues, as I've been repeatedly dinged--rightly--by my editors to cut back on too much descriptive prose. :lol: )

I've read the stuff above; found them pretty good. I especially like the first (with the tea and the silver cross getting shoved into Paul's underpants). The exchange comes off as darkly humorous and urgent at the same time (with a nice dose of sexual tension thrown in). As to what 'caeferias' are, and what exactly happens to Paul without his tea... well, I figured I'd just need to read some more... and you've gotten me interested enough to try to read this through (so... is there more???).

Overall, I'd guess your style would work best with action-laden/suspenseful scenes. Crime, mystery, sci-fi, thrillers, that sort of stuff.

Best regards, and I'm half-hoping you post more of Dan and Paul's story. ^-^
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#8 Post by Akai85 » Tue Dec 30, 2014 8:27 am

michan wrote:This. It's good that at this stage you have a feel for your own style. With more practice (and a bit more reading + reading + reading), you're bound to get better. (I'm kind of envious that your strength lies in dialogues, as I've been repeatedly dinged--rightly--by my editors to cut back on too much descriptive prose. :lol: )

I've read the stuff above; found them pretty good. I especially like the first (with the tea and the silver cross getting shoved into Paul's underpants). The exchange comes off as darkly humorous and urgent at the same time (with a nice dose of sexual tension thrown in). As to what 'caeferias' are, and what exactly happens to Paul without his tea... well, I figured I'd just need to read some more... and you've gotten me interested enough to try to read this through (so... is there more???).

Overall, I'd guess your style would work best with action-laden/suspenseful scenes. Crime, mystery, sci-fi, thrillers, that sort of stuff.

Best regards, and I'm half-hoping you post more of Dan and Paul's story. ^-^
That's funny - I wasn't even trying for sexual tension. :shock:

Caeferias are a type of plant (really slimy) that when flowering release an addictive smell that turns humans into zombiesque plant humans that then need to feed and reproduce by biting people and leaving pollen or whatever in their bodies. Biological whotheheckknows, haha. The infected humans are also breeding them in warm, damp spaces and the city hall - being in the center of the city is a strategic location for them all to occupy. (And spread from)

The tea suppresses hormones and metabolic functions so Paul can't transform into a vampire but it leaves him kinda useless in the meantime.

I actually write mostly fantasy, subversive young adult and yeah, occasionally sci-fi. I always figured I'd be terrible at cleverly planning things out for a mystery/crime/sci-fi so I've never tried! I have great admiration for the writers in that genre, though.

Dan and Paul's thing was a scrabble so I don't know if I'd write more. It's also higher in offensive content than what I'd usually write and doubtless strange so I don't think it'd have a very wide audience! But I'm really happy that you liked it! :mrgreen:

Anyway, new scrabble! (Actually wrote this a while back but it was floating around on my alphasmart.


NEWSPAPER LIFE: (A thrilling story about newspapers and acquaintances)

“Are you alone right now?”
“Feeling lonely, huh?”
“Maybe you’re thinking that you need a friend. Just one person that can perfectly understand you.”

…Give me a break.

“Here at Futuristic Foundation we can make that happen! All you have to do is-“

I switched the TV off. There was nothing good on anyway.
A friend, huh?
Are there really people out there desperate enough to buy themselves an artificial friend unit? I can’t help but think that’s incredibly pathetic…

----SCENE CHANGE BITCHES---- (I do actually format like this in drafts, yes.)

“Oliver.”

I looked up from our shared workspace. 300 words down… in an hour and a half. Well, I guess that’s good enough.

“What is it, Em?”

“Have you finished your article yet?”

“I’ve got 300 words down.”

“…Oliver. You’ve had a whole week to work on this and you’ve written 300 words?”

“It took me a while to get inspired.”

“Really? I guess this article must be pretty amazing then if it took you three days to come up with a good idea.”

“Well… actually…”

Em snatched the papers away from my desk while I was still talking to her.

…Crap.

“Oliver, this is… what is this?”

“That’s my article, Em.”

“It’s a pile of shit.”

“Well, I never said it was-“

“What’s going on with you, Oliver?” Em looked at me sadly. “You used to be so enthusiastic and now… your writing is obviously suffering from intellectual constipation and you can barely write 200 words in an hour.”

“Um… it’s not my fault. It’s just that when we started out there was a lot of buzz around the presidential campaign and now it feels like there’s nothing left to write about.”

“So you’re saying the problem is that you can’t think of a good story?”

“That’s exactly it.”

Em stopped talking for a moment, thinking hard, “…I might just be able to help you with that.”

“You’ve got an idea?”

“…One of the kids at our school seems to have become acquainted with someone quite… interesting. I want you to find out a little more about this – my story sense is tingling.”

“Your story sense?”

“Yes.”

“Is this a new thing?”

“I’ve had it ever since I fell into a vat of toxic waste.”

“Vat of toxic waste?”

“I was four,” she sniffed.

“That’s tragic.”

“It is tragic. Anyway, this is the last chance I can give you considering your recent performance. Find this guy, learn what’s going on with him and bring it to the publics’ attention.”

“Alright, alright. But what if he doesn’t have a story?”

“I’ll fire you.”

“That isn’t much of a chance...”

“Did you say something, Oliver?”

“…No, ma’am.”

----SCENE TRANSITION YOU BITCH---- (This is not directed at anyone!)
Next, maybe I'll upload something that's more of an excerpt/draft inspiration than a drabble. It's fantasy with walking sticks, muscular men and a fight scene. Fight scenes are also something I'm working hard on. And it won't be purely dialogue either... but there will still be quite a bit. :D
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#9 Post by michan » Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:29 pm

Akai85 wrote:That's funny - I wasn't even trying for sexual tension. :shock:
I tend to read 'sexual tension' in everything regardless of whether the author intended to or not, so... it's just me. :lol: (LOL not-so-secretly shipping Dan and Paul)
Akai85 wrote:Caeferias are a type of plant (really slimy) that when flowering release an addictive smell that turns humans into zombiesque plant humans that then need to feed and reproduce by biting people and leaving pollen or whatever in their bodies. Biological whotheheckknows, haha. The infected humans are also breeding them in warm, damp spaces and the city hall - being in the center of the city is a strategic location for them all to occupy. (And spread from)
... Ooh, so, kinda like Plant!Aliens...? Genetically modified plant life gone horribly wrong... (just wanna play Alien: Isolation, ignore me... XD)
Akai85 wrote:The tea suppresses hormones and metabolic functions so Paul can't transform into a vampire but it leaves him kinda useless in the meantime.
So as a vampire he can't control his bloodlust (LOL), so he needs the tea to stay sane? That makes sense!

I hope inspiration strikes and you could continue Paul and Dan's story! The premise is very interesting! (I mean with caeferias + vampires, how can it NOT be?)

As for your newspaper scrabble, in later drafts, perhaps you could work in a few sentences describing the scenery rather than the --SCENE CHANGE-- notification? Also, at the beginning, I didn't immediately know that the narrator was hearing a TV ad, so it was a bit confusing (and even then, I don't even know if it's a female or male announcer's voice doing the ad). Dialogue is good, but I personally think adding more descriptive details (I mean, what does Em look like?) would make the scene read better.

But anywho, as in most things, practice and constant cold-blooded revision make perfect. ^^
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#10 Post by Akai85 » Tue Dec 30, 2014 2:57 pm

michan wrote: I tend to read 'sexual tension' in everything regardless of whether the author intended to or not, so... it's just me. :lol: (LOL not-so-secretly shipping Dan and Paul)

... Ooh, so, kinda like Plant!Aliens...? Genetically modified plant life gone horribly wrong... (just wanna play Alien: Isolation, ignore me... XD)

So as a vampire he can't control his bloodlust (LOL), so he needs the tea to stay sane? That makes sense!

I hope inspiration strikes and you could continue Paul and Dan's story! The premise is very interesting! (I mean with caeferias + vampires, how can it NOT be?)

As for your newspaper scrabble, in later drafts, perhaps you could work in a few sentences describing the scenery rather than the --SCENE CHANGE-- notification? Also, at the beginning, I didn't immediately know that the narrator was hearing a TV ad, so it was a bit confusing (and even then, I don't even know if it's a female or male announcer's voice doing the ad). Dialogue is good, but I personally think adding more descriptive details (I mean, what does Em look like?) would make the scene read better.

But anywho, as in most things, practice and constant cold-blooded revision make perfect. ^^
I kinda see some shipping material on second look... well, it is kinda bantery. The plants aren't genetically engineered, they're like a virus and they came from space. Spaceplants - it gets weirder by the minute. :lol: (My sister does the ship-everything thing too. Thanks to her my project got two more routes and now she wants me to turn a bonus ending character into a full fledged route because he has a snake tattoo on his neck. Smh.)

I don't know how I wrote vampire- I meant werewolf! Augh! Silver affects werewolves... and the tea stops the transformations by stopping certain chemicals and stuff from being active in a significant capacity. Werewolves taking drugs...

Maybe I could somehow do it... first I'd have to decide the genre and medium lol since I was just writing by the seat of my pants... Weird things happen when I do that. I had to chuck one drabble because it was about this guy that wanted a hoodie and a girl "fading." Even I thought it was weird! (And I'm considering making a game about a blue, genderless, humanoid, data collection entity with romance options. So you gotta know, if I think it's weird, it's pretty weird, haha!)

The newspaper thing isn't really written as a story. I don't normally leave things that barebones! Hopefully, that'll be evident with the next thing I post. Nevertheless, thanks for your feedback and as you said practice makes perfect. I know that because I spent 5 hours trying to draw sprites because my anatomy went to shit. That's what happens when you don't practice! :lol:
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#11 Post by michan » Fri Jan 02, 2015 8:07 pm

Akai85 wrote:I don't know how I wrote vampire- I meant werewolf! Augh! Silver affects werewolves... and the tea stops the transformations by stopping certain chemicals and stuff from being active in a significant capacity. Werewolves taking drugs...
Werewolves are cool, too. (Makes me also wonder if Paul suffers clothing damage when he transforms... :wink: ) There's great potential in your story, so if a VN or KN comes out of it, that'll be awesome!
Akai85 wrote:The newspaper thing isn't really written as a story. I don't normally leave things that barebones! Hopefully, that'll be evident with the next thing I post.
I see. Looking forward to your next post! ^^
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Re: Akai85's Writing Thread

#12 Post by Akai85 » Sat Jan 03, 2015 1:22 am

Alright, this one's more of an excerpt from a story I haven't written yet so there isn't much description of the characters' appearances. There's also little description in general because I was figuring out how to rewrite a previous edition of the scene to make it more interesting so it's more "groundwork for a draft" than "draft."

Don't read if you are averse to a bit of swearing. I'ts fantasy, humour, and secretly sci-fi but you really can't tell from this. It's actually like an anti-fantasy, fantasy... why am I even explaining this, no-one cares :lol: Alright, here it is!
The teller (because titles preceded with 'the' are always popular)
“Before you leave there is something I want to give you.”

Is it going to be that stupid sword of our grandfather’s he displays in front of the house?

“This belonged to your grandfather, a great and noble soldier. The warrior Callibor gave this to him in recognition of his constant loyalty and companionship.”

Yep, it’s the rusty sword. What else could you expect from dad, after all?

“With this sword in your hands you’ll be able to seek assistance from Calibor’s descendants on your journey. They will not break the promise made upon this sword.”

“Alright, I’ll take it.”

“Not so fast! First you must prove yourself worthy of wielding the blade.”

I must do what, now?

“See, these twelve men?” he asked.

All of a sudden there were twelve strong looking men in front of me. Don’t tell me I have to fight these guys?

“These men come here bearing gifts of my choosing. Among these gifts I have prepared, lies your grandfather’s sword. You must select from these twelve, three men. If you find the warrior Callibor’s sword that means you have now passed the test and are now its rightful owner,” he said.

Thank god. So I don’t have to carry around 12 random things, just 3.

“Can I only choose one?” I asked.

“One? You wish to make this more challenging for yourself? It seems you’re finally developed some resolve!” Dad looked quite pleased.

But hey, dad – that’s not the case. It’s just that carrying one object is easier than carrying three, you know?

“That may not be the wisest course of action,” said Evon.

Seriously? How many times does this bastard have to get in my way?!

“Frankly speaking, your son needs the extra help,” he continued, ignoring my glares.

“That… is true,” Dad said. “All right, three men it is.”

Great.

“First I choose… Evon.” Whatever Evon has it’s bound to be something I can easily get rid of.

Evon’s tawny skin bleached pale white. He and my dad exchanged worried glances.

“Why don’t you pick again?” My dad asked, smiling brightly at me.

“Alright. I pick Evon... again.”

If they were worried that I’d picked Evon, odds are that whatever gift he had, it was completely useless. In that case maybe I could convince them to let me discard it.

“S-Sir…” Evon protested.

“He has made his choice. We must respect it,” my dad said.

“Then, may you have success on your journey George and I hope this item proves useful to you on your travels,” Evon said, reluctantly holding out a tall, smooth object.

“That’s your walking stick.”

“Indeed it is.” Evon sighed heavily.

“How is a walking stick supposed to help me?” I asked.

“We just put that in for fun. No-one actually expected that you’d pick Evon of all people,” my dad admitted.

I guess they thought I wouldn’t pick him because we were always fighting. Whereas I picked him because I thought it would be funny for him to have to give me a going away present, even if it was from my dad and I was going to eventually chuck it.

“Well, now that it’s come to this, you may as well keep it,” Evon sighed.

“Seriously? Don’t you need this to walk?” I asked, giving the walking stick a little twirl.

“I have a spare,” Evon said, looking a little unhappy at the turn of the events.

“I guess I’ll keep it, then.” After all, the situation was pretty funny. And once I was clear of this place I could just throw it away.

“…Would you like to make your second choice now?” my dad asked.

“Roche.” My dad immediately smiled and I began to feel worried.

“For you, master George,” Roche said.

Roche handed me a thin, white envelope. I couldn’t imagine what could possibly be small enough to fit inside. Least it doesn't weigh much.

“Open it only when you encounter trouble,” my dad cautioned.

“Yeah, yeah. Alright let’s get this over with. Next I pick Samwurst,” I said.

“Samwurst, huh…” my dad looked lost in thought. Ugh, can we just get this over with?!

Samwurst stepped forwards and silently placed a large object wrapped in blue cloth in front of me. I had no idea what it was but I already knew I didn't want to be stuck carrying it.

“And this is…?”

“It’s a canoe,” Samwurst replied.

“A canoe.”

“It’s a magical canoe,” he explained.

These are the most useless presents I have ever gotten in my life. Even that handbook on courting was better than this crap.

“Thank you very much.” I said politely.

“So you didn't get the sword, after all,” my dad said, looking put out.

“I guess I wasn't worthy of it. Maybe a better successor will come along,” I said, not really caring much either way.

“Ah! That humility means-“

“Sir, I hope you weren't going to try and convince us that being humble makes him worthy of the sword. There’s one test to get the sword and only one as you and I both know,” Evon replied.

Evon. I could kiss you!

“I guess you’re right. Well then George, this is as far as I can help you. You’ll have to do without the assistance of Callibor’s people.”

That’s just fine. I’m travelling to discover a grand hero, not the remnants of a musty old history book.

“Alright, dad. Thanks for supporting me all this time. I’ll see you when I return as an accomplished Teller that far surpasses you.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’re still just a brat,” Evon said.

“Looks like I might die before we meet again if that’s the case,” my dad joked. “Well, I have no trouble believing you’ll surpass me… maybe in 800 years?”

Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up while you can, morons.

Just wait till I come back, tales spilling out my pockets.
----------------------------------------- Skipped ahead to next scene here, being lazy -----------------------------------------
“Are you serious?”

“Leaving the forest is expressly forbidden,” he repeated.

“I have the Chief’s permission right here! Look… you don’t know who I am. I’m George, son of the current chief and future chief teller.”

“Oh,” the guards round black eyes widened in surprise. “You’re the one they call ‘the worst teller to ever tell’?”

“People often decry things they can’t comprehend,” I said, crossing my arms and looking sternly at him. “My genius isn't something ordinary people can understand.”

“Lying corrupts the purity of tales,” the guard said.

“It isn't lying, it’s embellishing! I've always said that telling is a culture that’s stagnating because people are unwilling to innovate. If we don’t move on from simply repeating the tales of others, our culture will steadily-“

“Whoah, whoah! What’s all this you’re talking about?! Did your dad drop you on the head as a baby or something?” he asked.

Plebian.

“Just… let me pass, please. I have permission right here,” I continued.

The guard squinted. Finally, he shook his head. “Afraid I can’t read that.”

“Surely you recognize my father’s seal?” I asked.

The guard squinted, then again shook his head. “The only thing I recognise is the honour won from a man to man duel.”

“…Is that so?” I asked.

“Indeed, that is so,” he repeated.

This stupid fucker! He’s just bored of standing around guarding all day - (Why do we need a guard here anyway, it's not like anyone wants to invade this shitty little hidden forest or anything.) - and wants a fight!

“Fine,” I clenched my teeth and gave in. There seemed to be no other way, after all.

“You’ll fight me?” he asked.

“No, I’m going home,” I said.

I’ll set a trap for him, lure him into it and then leave. Clearly this is the only option left to me.

“…You can’t leave.”

What? Oh come on, he can’t possibly be dumb enough to-

“Draw your sword!”

Oh god, he is. This is just like a tale. A really sad upsetting tale that no-one ever listens to because it sucks so bad.

“I don’t have a sword, sorry,” I shrugged.

“Whatever, draw something. I’m coming at you-!”

“Fuck!”

Freak really did lunge right at me, sword in hand. I leapt back quickly but my legs tangled on a branch and I ended up falling to the ground.

“The final blow-!” he shouted.

H-He’s really trying to kill me! Ah what the fuck what the hell what do i…-

That could work.

“Take this, you mouseblooded idiot!” I roared.

“…Is that a walking stick?” he asked, looking somewhat bemused.

Is that a walking stick, you ask. Indeed my friend, it is. This stick and I have quite a history together. You see, when I was young I misbehaved quite often and nothing hurt more than this here leaded up piece of fuckhittery.

And now it’s your turn, mouseblood.

“Squeal, fucker!” I threw the stick at him – which was more difficult than you’d think, considering all the lead – and he calmly walked to the side, dodging.

“Is that all you-“

Thunk.

The stick hit him solidly in the back of his head.

“That is a walking stick made for invalids and old people, you mouseblood. It’s charmed to return to the idiot that loses it, which you would know if you were at all aware of consumer culture or say, if you ever left this place and tried walking down the street,” I smirked, easily catching the returning stick in my outstretched hands.

Ow. Kinda stings.

“You think a little lovetap like that will stop me?” Mouseblood snarled, looking ferocious.

“I don’t think one hit from this will have much effect on you….” – he’s got that gigantic body, after all – “but maybe 100 will be enough to bring you down.”
***
“It looks like 100 wasn't enough to bring me down, after all,” he said.

“Yeah,” I wheezed, leaning heavily on the walking stick.

The muscular guy scanned my face then shrugged and smiled at me. “Good enough, I guess.”

“You mean my fighting?”

“I definitely do not mean that. But I guess you showed enough spirit to meet your dad’s requirements.”

“My dad’s requirements?” I asked.

“Written on that sheet there,” he said, pointing at my permission for exit papers.

“That just says you’re supposed to let me through…”

“It’s written in a secret code developed during your father’s time as a young teller.”

“A code you can read… Wait, you can read!”

“Very well,” the man smiled at me, displaying his very even teeth.

Freaking mouseblood.

“So this was a set-up by my old man from the beginning... But hey, I have a question.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Why would my dad need to invent a code?”

“Some people can get very emotional over tales. It’s a precautionary measure.”

“…Whatever. I can go now, right?” I asked.

“Of course you- wait. Where’s your canoe?” he asked.

“That thing?” I shrugged. “It was heavy so I left it at home.”

“But outside the forest we’re surrounded by water on all sides. You can’t leave without one,” he pointed out.

“I’ll improvise.”

“…Wait here and I’ll bring the canoe over,” he said.

“But I won’t be able to carry it after travelling through the lake,” I said.

“I’ll show you how to compress it,” the muscular man sighed. “And I’ll carry it to the lake for you.”

“You’re really not as dumb as you make out, are you?” I asked.

“Well, I wouldn't consider myself smart but I can read at least,” he replied.

“Huh.”

“And I find your opinions on the craft of telling very interesting.”

“You do?!” I asked.

“But they’re completely wrong,” he said.

“Huh? B-but…”

“Maybe not for the reasons you think, but they’re wrong. Try not to get too caught up looking for tales in the outside world, ok?”

“Alright.”

Of course I will, regardless of what this pseudo-intellectual mousehead thinks. After all, that’s the only reason I’m even bothering to think about coming back to this village after I leave. If it wasn't for the sake of finding a good tale, I’d run away completely.
(P.S. Michan on the art thread in my sig the first two pictures are of Dan and Paul. I thought you might be interested in seeing a visual since you inspired me to draw them :) Sorry about the quality of the drawing and the bad photos lol, I'm working on my art and getting a scanner!)
I did nothing. And still I rise.
And still I rise.

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