-

Questions, skill improvement, and respectful critique involving game writing.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Darkdaran
Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 6:08 pm
Contact:

-

#1 Post by Darkdaran »

---
Last edited by Darkdaran on Tue May 09, 2023 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
andrewngn13
Regular
Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 2:41 pm
Projects: Recast
Skype: andrewngn13
Location: Glued to my desktop
Contact:

Re: I need an opinion...

#2 Post by andrewngn13 »

Guessing by the merci, english isn't your primary language?

That said, I think there's some diction changes that could be made to better reflect the characters, but it's probably something that an editor could pick up on while reading it. From what I see here the concept of this novel is about a boy named Vladimir who is forced into relocating because of his father's job and in the process loses his friend. Not sure if the forsaking tidbit is about a significant promise or something, but that'd be a nice touch if it was. On his first day at school, he meets a girl, a Ms Marinva(love interest?) who has a history of being late.

There's honestly a lot of ways that you could take this. I believe the forced relocation due to a job has been used often, but that doesn't mean it loses potential as a result. What follows after would be the deciding factor in if I would read something with this kind of intro I think.
"Feel feel to idea-bounce off me."
No, like seriously, just send a pm and I'll respond what I think. I'm open to reading anything.

Darkdaran
Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 6:08 pm
Contact:

-

#3 Post by Darkdaran »

---
Last edited by Darkdaran on Tue May 09, 2023 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
andrewngn13
Regular
Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 2:41 pm
Projects: Recast
Skype: andrewngn13
Location: Glued to my desktop
Contact:

Re: I need an opinion...

#4 Post by andrewngn13 »

I'm distinctly reminded of Crime and Punishment for some reason, perhaps due to your comment about the abusive mother of Marvina. I think an internal psychological conflict would make for a very nice piece of writing, but that's just my opinion. If you write up anything else feel free to pm me for my thoughts.
"Feel feel to idea-bounce off me."
No, like seriously, just send a pm and I'll respond what I think. I'm open to reading anything.

gekiganwing
Lemma-Class Veteran
Posts: 2473
Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2004 1:38 pm
Contact:

Re: I need an opinion...

#5 Post by gekiganwing »

Darkdaran wrote: The friend would be a girl very dear to the character, a love interest (I was thinking about the girl confessing her love before the boy leaves... I know, very cliche :p but I think it is cute).
If you want to use ideas such as "boy meets girl" and "person confesses love" in your story, it's fine. They have existed in fiction for thousands of years. However, don't let that stop you.

Think about questions such as "what have my characters experienced?" and "what are my characters' motivations?" and "what are my characters' goals?" Write down at least a few possible answers. This should help you establish your characters as people who have interesting histories, thoughts, and plans for the future.
Darkdaran wrote: For Marinva... well, I have a dark mind... I was imagining her getting late because of problems with her mother... abuse... I designed her as a sensitive girl that is nearly broken by her situation...
Is there anything which the main character can do in order to stop the abuse? Can he help her deal with it? Or is the main character powerless to deal with the situation?
Darkdaran wrote: And yes, she would be a love interest. I really planned more girls as love interest, but she was the sole girl my story was tailored upon... so I can say she is special :)
If you want to write a story focused on two people and their relationship, that's fine. Your story might not benefit from including a love triangle, or any other plot elements.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users