Character Quirk Critique

[kaleidx]

So, in an attempt to make a character slightly more interesting I've been thinking of adding a little quirk to one of them, you know, to stand out a little more. The problem is what I think might be cute or interesting is coming off as kind of annoying after rereading the script. I thought something along the lines of a catch phrase would be a good start but I decided on a bit of a more extreme measure to a type of OCD say something after every line type thing where the words she says reflect what she's feeling regardless of what she already said. The words will always start with the same letter.

Anyways, here is an example ...

p "Stunning! Surprising!"
a "You're Phaedra?"
p "When the world is shadowed where there aught be light."
p "When the stars themselves fall across the sky."
p "Four lights later, after the first new moon, the Pneuma Alessia will grace us with her light."
p "My dreams were right! It is you!"
p "Undeniable! Unmistakable!"
b "Some kind of prophecy?"
a "I need to ask her something ..."
b "Then maybe it's best you play along. Do your best Pneuma impression."
a "Okay ..."
a "Ahem!"
a "Yes, Phaedra ... it is I, the Pneuma you have foreseen."
a "You shall be rewarded for your devotion but first ... I come seeking information."

"Her acting could use a little work."

p "Of course, my Pneuma! I'll be glad to offer you my services."
p "Devoted. Dutiful."
a "Phaedra, in your dreams, was there ever an old man in blue telling you these things?"
p "It was a male's voice speaking to me, yes, but never did I see him."
p "I never questioned it, I simply listened."
p "Willing. Witting."
a "%(player_name)s ...I'm sure it was father telling her I was coming."
b "As expected. He's really thought ahead."
p "You! Scrappy looking man acting familiar with the Pneuma!"
b "S-scrappy?!"
p "Unbecoming! Unbefitting!"
p "Who are you?"
[redacted]
p "Hmm .."
p "Well if the Pneuma trusts you than I see no reason not to."
p "Unfit. Undeserving."
b "That's going to get annoying fast ..."
p "What was that?!"
b "Huh? Nothing! You just keep calling her the Pneuma, what is that?"
p "Tedious. Tiresome."
p "Pneuma is said to have meant the breath of life in our ancient language."
p "The Asteriae before me referred to you as such in their scriptures."
p "If you wish to be called something else my Pneuma, I'll happily oblige."
a "Pneuma ... I kinda like it. It sounds ... motherly."
p "Dignity! Decourm!"
p "As you will, my Pneuma."

P being the character in question. I like the quirk but as I said it feels like it might be kind of annoying. So, yes, I do have a thesaurus always open which I feel might make it seem kind of forced as well. She's not a particularly prominent character, just a side character, which I feel may soften the blow that she won't constantly be on screen but I'd like advice nonetheless if it's too annoying or not.

[Dreams of Priapia]

In all honesty, even if you feel that it might be kind of annoying, if you believe it fits the character, then by all means I think you should allow it. That said, I don't find it annoying at all and in fact believe it is a character trait that adds a lot to understanding who she might be as a person. There are certain elements of characters that might typically be acknowledged as 'annoying' that eventually come to be seen as endearing or perhaps even admirable. A prime example of this may be seen in a character such as Kenji from Katawa Shoujo, who is without doubt an infuriating presence to be around, but simultaneously one of the most beloved side-characters in the game. He is memorable, he is unique, and ultimately effective in his role in the story. In that same regard, I believe that when written correctly, such a character can encompass a similar role and I definitely think you should embrace that in your case.

I like your character quirk, and I think it'll make for a much more interesting experience than if it were to be excluded for the sake of reader's comfort. Don't be afraid to make them uncomfortable, and don't be afraid to allow them to develop opinions about certain characters as they respond to them. It's okay to be annoying if it fits the character and the story!