Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

Questions, skill improvement, and respectful critique involving game writing.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
hoihoisoi
Regular
Posts: 85
Joined: Sun May 15, 2016 4:47 am
Projects: The Lost Sheep Of Purgatory 「煉獄の亡羊」
Organization: House Of Duematrix
Tumblr: HouseOfDuematrix
Location: A Dark Cliff Overlooking The Moon
Contact:

Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#1 Post by hoihoisoi »

I'm just wondering from the community, but how do you guys identify and correct lengthy purple prose. Or in another light, what do you consider as lengthy purple prose. The correcting part of it isn't as hard as the identifying part, so I'm just wondering how do you guys who write out there identify this 'way too lengthy exposition etc' sections. Do you have a gauge on how many lines are too long, or do you simply pick it out based on experience.

Personally, I'm not entirely sure if there is a surefire way to identify them, other than just to read something and feel that it's far too long and should be cut short. I don't think I actually have a way of knowing for sure if it's too long other than through a gut feeling. So I'm wondering how you guys handle lengthy purple proses - do you guys out there use a pre-determined gauge & estimate or do you identify them through some kind of grammer marker that exists within your writing.

I'm asking this because I usually look at my scenes from a 'purpose' point of view, meaning that as long as the scene serves to either: (a) Move the plot along, (b) Contribute to character/setting/scene development, (c) Serves as some kind of key event for future references (Foreshadowing) or (d) contributes to a more well distributed story pacing, then I'd usually deem it as 'okay' to be included within the writing. Naturally, if my gut feeling tells me that they are too long or don't serve the above four purposes, I'd usually cut some part out of it to make it fulfill the conditions.

So, I'm just wondering on the community's opinion on this, but what do you guys consider lengthy purple prose and how do you guys identify them. Next to which how do you usually go about determining whether you would want to retain it or cut it away. Just curious about this. :D
Current Active Project:
Image
[Mystery, Comedy, Drama]
[Kinetic Novel]

Check it out by clicking on the siggy above!

User avatar
Mammon
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 712
Joined: Sat Nov 07, 2015 3:09 pm
Completed: Pervert&Yandere, Stalker&Yandere
Projects: Roses Of The Thorn Prince
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#2 Post by Mammon »

I gave an answer on a similar-ish question here, though that one was about how a scene should be paced. To add upon it, with determining whether you're being too slow I'd say keep your eye on these things:

-Reviews usually say 'slow and repetative'. That's because reading a story that repeats upon itself will easily be considered slow. Your own OP has a bit of that to make an example of; in different words you ask the question of 'what do you consider/identify/handle lengthy purple prose?' four times. (Don't worry, you're asking a question rather than trying to entertain people with a story so it's all good.) In stories that are considered slow or boring, repetition tends to be present. Something is said, and then repeated in different words. It's not necessarily a bad thing, if the writer can accurately gauge when and what to say again to remind the audience or make sure that they can keep up. Quite often though, the writer seems to consider their audience as retards by repeating stuff that happened just minutes ago, sometimes with flashbacks and all.

-'This scene should be longer.' If you ever have that thought in your mind, be careful. If you're going to add stuff just to add padding, things can easily become too long.

-Slower than what they should be scenes. See the link for this one. Some scenes are slow and should be written as such, others are not. In an action scene, every word that can be scrapped should be scrapped and every line that can be shorter should be shorter. Other, slow paced scenes can be longer though and it will feel more natural. Just make sure to pace up when something fast-paced starts happening.

Hopes this helps.
ImageImageImage

Want some CC sprites?

User avatar
Scribbles
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 636
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2016 4:15 pm
Completed: Pinewood Island, As We Know It
Projects: In Blood
Organization: Jaime Scribbles Games
Deviantart: breakfastdoodles
itch: scribbles
Location: Ohio
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#3 Post by Scribbles »

having fresh eyes read it over is the best way, it's hard to see where your own writing it falling short.

I actually have the opposite problem where I tend to keep everything short and blunt (I personally hate reading purple prose) and then end up leaving readers in the dark or making things to subtle > <

If your game is roughly mocked up you might have a lot ppl willing to beta read it for you depending on the subject matter (or even if you just have the script? I'm not sure)

Also keep in mind that a reader can pick up on things without a huge explanation.

"She bit her lip." is just as effective as "She bit her lip nervously, feeling uncertain on what to do" b/c ppl will pick up on the lip biting as body language for being nervous and uncertain.
Image - Image -Image

User avatar
LateWhiteRabbit
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1867
Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:47 pm
Projects: The Space Between
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#4 Post by LateWhiteRabbit »

hoihoisoi wrote: I'm asking this because I usually look at my scenes from a 'purpose' point of view, meaning that as long as the scene serves to either: (a) Move the plot along, (b) Contribute to character/setting/scene development, (c) Serves as some kind of key event for future references (Foreshadowing) or (d) contributes to a more well distributed story pacing, then I'd usually deem it as 'okay' to be included within the writing. Naturally, if my gut feeling tells me that they are too long or don't serve the above four purposes, I'd usually cut some part out of it to make it fulfill the conditions.
You hit the nail on the head.

The key to avoiding lengthy purple prose (or, to be more clear, prose that serves no purpose) is just that. You need to have a very specific goal in mind for every sentence, scene, and word choice. Visuals novels as a genre tend to be overwritten. This comes from being more concerned about word count goals than achieving a PURPOSE with your writing. The best definition for overwriting I've seen is: "Overwriting happens when the writer does not recognize they've already achieved their goal."

And Mark Twain had some very good advice on that front:
"The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is that you really want to say."
Basically, you won't clearly know what goals to have until after you've completed your first draft. You'll know the true essence of your story only after you've finished writing it - then you must go back and actually write THAT story.

I think a problem with a lot of visual novels is it feels like they were written as a stream-of-conscious and never gone back and savagely edited. Just as an example, "Do You Like Horny Bunnies?" opens with 15 minutes of the main character wandering lost in a plaza on his way to a job interview. Nothing he mentions is ever brought up again or relevant to the plot, and the fact he is late to his interview is never mentioned. The story should have started with him walking into the interview. Period.

Visual novels are also often of the Slice of Life genre, and many writers don't know how to properly write in that genre. Every scene in a slice of life must still have a goal (usually illustrating a character trait that will be important or must be overcome, or setting up a future conflict). Too many Slice of Life writers take us through every aspect of the character's day, every day. Which is horrible and bad.

To finish on Mark Twain - "kill your adjectives and adverbs" and "replace every 'very' with 'damn' - your editor will remove them all and your manuscript will be as it is supposed to be".

User avatar
Katy133
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 704
Joined: Sat Nov 16, 2013 1:21 pm
Completed: Eight Sweets, The Heart of Tales, [redacted] Life, Must Love Jaws, A Tune at the End of the World, Three Guys That Paint, The Journey of Ignorance, Portal 2.5.
Projects: The Butler Detective
Tumblr: katy-133
Deviantart: Katy133
Soundcloud: Katy133
itch: katy133
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#5 Post by Katy133 »

The Hemmingway App might be a useful gauge for some stories (it highlights sentences and rates its "readability" level).

A writing style that uses purple prose well is P.G. Wodehouse's work. It's very "wordy" and complex-looking (many of his novels were written in the 1930s and use Edwardian slang), but it feels easy to read because of its humour, flowing style, and because the narration is written in-character.

Here's a quick excerpt from Leave it to Psmith:
All that had occurred was that Psmith, finding Mr Cootes's eye and pistol functioning in another direction, had sprung forward, snatched up a chair, hit the unfortunate man over the head with it, relieved him of his pistol, leaped to the mantlepiece, removed the revolver which lay there, and now, holding both weapons in an attitude of menace, was regarding him censoriously through a gleaming eyeglass.
On the Hemmingway App, this entire quote appears in read ("very hard to read"), yet it feels clear to the reader.

Another excerpt, this time from Carry On, Jeeves:
I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.
:lol:

I think a lot of the gauging is to the individual, and that comes with practice, but things like reading the paragraphs out loud can help you judge whether it's easy to read, easy to understand, and flows well.
ImageImage

My Website, which lists my visual novels.
Become a patron on my Patreon!

User avatar
Xandra
Regular
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:53 pm
Completed: Band Camp Boyfriend
Projects: Band Camp Boyfriend
Tumblr: http://lovebirdgames.tumblr.com/
itch: lovebird-games
Discord: xandra42
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#6 Post by Xandra »

Basically, you won't clearly know what goals to have until after you've completed your first draft. You'll know the true essence of your story only after you've finished writing it - then you must go back and actually write THAT story.
I think this is a great piece of advice! If you focus on getting things perfect the first time (like I do when I write...and that is why my sister is the primary writer on our team!) you'll psyche yourself out. My sister is the opposite of a lengthy purple prose writer and doesn't draft scenes in a whole ton of detail, but she has this incredible ability to just get stuff done which I envy. Once the draft for an arc is complete, what we do is distance ourselves from it for at least a few weeks, then go back over the whole thing in one or two sittings. When you've been away from your work for a while and approach it from a holistic view, you have an easier time detecting which scenes are too long, which ones are too sparse, which emotional beats need to be hit a little harder, etc.

@OP I agree with your "purpose" approach. I basically ask myself, can I cut this sentence/paragraph without changing the meaning of this scene or missing out on valuable characterization? If the answer is yes, then I cut it. Once I started reading more critically, I realized many novels didn't load on the descriptions as much as I had originally thought. Usually they would point out the few most important details and then the reader would be left to form the rest of the picture in their head. So I guess in general it's important not to underestimate how much readers are capable of piecing together on their own.

But with visual novels, all that work is already done for us thanks to the art! I must say I usually find it redundant and meaningless when a main character spends too much time describing a setting or another character's expression, especially we can see all those things ourselves. Unless the narrator is revealing something important about their own perspective, or something that we don't already know just by looking at the image on the screen, we most likely don't need all that visual description. I think your list is great but I would definitely add, "am I describing something that the art already accomplishes by itself?"
Image

User avatar
hoihoisoi
Regular
Posts: 85
Joined: Sun May 15, 2016 4:47 am
Projects: The Lost Sheep Of Purgatory 「煉獄の亡羊」
Organization: House Of Duematrix
Tumblr: HouseOfDuematrix
Location: A Dark Cliff Overlooking The Moon
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#7 Post by hoihoisoi »

@Mammon @Scribbles @Xandra
Funnily enough, I do find that I have a bit of a problem with 'assuming the readers don't read between the fine lines/don't understand without proper explanation', it's something I've been trying to stamp out for quite some time now. But still though, I do worry that the audience can't connect the dots without a proper explanation. It's not as if the piece repeats itself, but usually I'd insert a [fact] first and always usually follow it up with an [Example/Scenario/Test] to make it more easily digestible. I'm not so sure if this is considered lengthy purple prose or not, but I do usually explain certain facts/key items in a detailed manner to ensure that the audience 'gets it'. But I'm still in the midst of switching up lines to make this less apparent. Good to note! Thanks! :D

@LateWhiteRabbit
Basically, you won't clearly know what goals to have until after you've completed your first draft. You'll know the true essence of your story only after you've finished writing it - then you must go back and actually write THAT story.
I totally agree with this. After I wrote finish my first draft and came back to perform the reedit, I kinda knew in essence the story I wanted to tell better. It made cutting and editing lines much more easier since there is a goal in mind already. Also, your quote of "Overwriting happens when the writer does not recognize they've already achieved their goal." is something I've never thought of before. Will probably keep that in mind while editing as well, it'll probably come in handy. Thanks!

@Katy113
HemmingWayApp hmmm, I think I've used something close to it before. But I think the lengthy purple prose I had in mind is a bit different from the one suggested. Complex sentences does also form part of the purple prose problem, but it isn't as prominent as the 'going on and on for the sake of lengthening the sentence/scene' problem. Usually, if it comes to long and draggy sentences, I'd cut the sentence in two or rephrase it to make it become more understandable. But interesting point to note, I really like the example you've given for the PSmith exert. Most of the time I'd try never to get into sentences like that because it easily becomes confusing. It's good to note that there's a writing style that suits those kind of long draggy sentences. Hmm.. Maybe will take an example from it and try to incorporate several lines in my writing just for fun. Thanks! X)

@Xandra
But with visual novels, all that work is already done for us thanks to the art! I must say I usually find it redundant and meaningless when a main character spends too much time describing a setting or another character's expression, especially we can see all those things ourselves. Unless the narrator is revealing something important about their own perspective, or something that we don't already know just by looking at the image on the screen, we most likely don't need all that visual description. I think your list is great but I would definitely add, "am I describing something that the art already accomplishes by itself?"
Yea, this is the crux of the dilemma I find myself in constant battle with. Whether the art is sufficient to cover what would otherwise be filled in with words instead. I understand well that the art should do its job to tell the reader what the character is feeling or trying to convey already, but the one thing which the art doesn't do for me is contribute to pacing. And that is where I find all my extra words coming in. Take this for example:
A "Bacon and cheese? Sounds like a combination for a heart attack."
B "Really? I've been having this for the past 10 years of my life already! Doesn't seem to do me any harm!"
A "Have you checked this with your doctor recently?"

Vs.

A "Bacon and cheese? Sounds like a combination for a heart attack."
B "Really? I've been having this for the past 10 years of my life already! Doesn't seem to do me any harm!"
"A turned to B slowly as he continued to chop the garlic, blinking at him with a questioning gaze."
A "Have you checked this with your doctor recently?"
Without the extra line there, even with the art doing the talking, the pacing feels off, as if it doesn't make the scene flow as well as it should. I'm not saying that the first example is bad, it is totally alright, but the second one spaces the two lines in between giving the scene a bit more pause before the 'follow up' hits. This to me, addresses the issue of pacing is some form.

Which comes back to the initial question. Are lines like these that adds pacing but doesn't add any form of advancement, considered a purple prose. Because for me, it address one of the four conditions, that being '(d) contributes to a more well distributed story pacing', which I find essential. Going too fast and jumping the dialogue feels a bit unnatural for me, so filler lines like that are usually added to stretch it out a bit for better impact. Are these therefor considered part of the lengthy purple prose problem is what I'm asking.

But yes, I do agree with you on what you said about the art. The art should do most of the talking. If it already shows what the character is feeling then it should be left at that. My concern is more of 'what if the art doesn't contribute to the pacing', is it therefore justifiable to add filler lines to space it out in between although the art already shows what the character is showing. Something like that. So, yes! Thanks for bringing up about the art, this was the problem I didn't manage to verbalize in my initial post! X)

But anyways guys, thanks so much for the responses! They all have different perspectives on the problem so it's all very much appreciated! Thanks! :D
Current Active Project:
Image
[Mystery, Comedy, Drama]
[Kinetic Novel]

Check it out by clicking on the siggy above!

User avatar
abscission
Newbie
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 10:03 am
Projects: Here be Dragons
Tumblr: billowingwaves
Skype: lyn
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#8 Post by abscission »

Lines like that definitely aren't purple prose. Can your art show the incredulity of A as they turn to B? Not unless you throw a lot of money into your project, and even commercial companies don't do that.

Art is expensive (and expansive) if you want it to show little tiny details like that, but those exact details are what adds character and realism to your story.

As for me, I personally identify purple prose by examining the emotion a passage is trying to give, and the emotion it actually gives. Mostly, this happens when I read overly descriptive emotional scenes, or overly descriptive/metaphoric sex scenes.

In both cases, the emotion is supposed to be poignant, chilling, and hit the nail on the head. As consequence, I believe words in those scenes should be short, easy to understand, direct. Sentences should either be purposefully short, or purposefully long. Each give a different emotion in the person reading the passage.

Big words, on the other hand, jar a reader from the raw emotion of those scenes as they have to pause, no matter how insignificantly, and think about the word before continuing their read. This takes them out of the mood, and your emotional scene falls apart.

Sex scenes especially suffer from diction. Either the author swerves around the mention of genitalia with long-winded metaphors, or use clinical terms, or slang, or a combination of everything. While describing actions, they are either too direct or too long winded, focusing too much on the physicality of the scene and less on the emotional and psychological aspect. Perhaps they use too many repetitive words, perhaps they don't focus on the little details.

In other words, I believe diction to be the best indicator of purple prose.

To avoid doing it, match emotion with diction, and sentence structure. I'm not very good at what I preach yet, but I'm practicing.

User avatar
LateWhiteRabbit
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1867
Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:47 pm
Projects: The Space Between
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#9 Post by LateWhiteRabbit »

hoihoisoi wrote:
A "Bacon and cheese? Sounds like a combination for a heart attack."
B "Really? I've been having this for the past 10 years of my life already! Doesn't seem to do me any harm!"
A "Have you checked this with your doctor recently?"

Vs.

A "Bacon and cheese? Sounds like a combination for a heart attack."
B "Really? I've been having this for the past 10 years of my life already! Doesn't seem to do me any harm!"
"A turned to B slowly as he continued to chop the garlic, blinking at him with a questioning gaze."
A "Have you checked this with your doctor recently?"
Haha. I can't believe I'm doing this, but since we are talking about lengthy prose and I'm in the middle of editing a children's book for an author.... that exchange could really be punched up in the writing itself, and it will make the dialogue sound more natural as well.

A. "Bacon and cheese? Heart attack waiting to happen."
B. "Really? Hasn't done me any harm in the 10 years I've been eating it."
A. "..."
A. "When was the last time you saw a doctor?!"

Sorry, don't even know if that's real dialogue or something you were using for an example only. Just in editor mode, and wanted to show you can put that 'beat' in there with without using art. I know we like to hate on the 3 ellipse dialgoue boxes, but when used correctly they can be really effective for pacing and delivering hits.

Now, yeah, a new piece of artwork could really sell the joke - if you're writing a more comedic visual novel a chibi-swap can work for the final line as a cheap and easy solution. But yeah, I think proper use of beats can still be achieved without it. (I say this as an artist who has struggled to learn to write my scripts without throwing in visuals constantly. Because I desparately want to. But even I have an art budget, if only because it costs me time.)

User avatar
Mammon
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 712
Joined: Sat Nov 07, 2015 3:09 pm
Completed: Pervert&Yandere, Stalker&Yandere
Projects: Roses Of The Thorn Prince
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#10 Post by Mammon »

hoihoisoi wrote:Funnily enough, I do find that I have a bit of a problem with 'assuming the readers don't read between the fine lines/don't understand without proper explanation', it's something I've been trying to stamp out for quite some time now. But still though, I do worry that the audience can't connect the dots without a proper explanation. It's not as if the piece repeats itself, but usually I'd insert a [fact] first and always usually follow it up with an [Example/Scenario/Test] to make it more easily digestible. I'm not so sure if this is considered lengthy purple prose or not, but I do usually explain certain facts/key items in a detailed manner to ensure that the audience 'gets it'. But I'm still in the midst of switching up lines to make this less apparent.
When you have a moment like that, you shouldn't wonder whether the audience understands you, rather you should ask yourself whether you're lecturing them.

Something that the reader already knew/assumed can be welcome in the text to confirm that they're right or assure them that the writer is on the same wavelength as them. Repeating something when it's about to be important and you might've forgotten it is useful. Repeating a motivation/argument or adapting them to a new situation to tell the audience it still applies can be useful. Hitting the audience over the head with either of the two or completely explaining it all over again. That's no good.
ImageImageImage

Want some CC sprites?

User avatar
Kuiper
Regular
Posts: 154
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2011 1:16 am
Completed: Cursed Lands, Trial by Fire
Projects: Necrobarista, Idol Manager
Organization: Route 59 Games
Tumblr: kuiperblog
Contact:

Re: Question on identifying lengthy purple prose

#11 Post by Kuiper »

I tend to judge "purpleness" of prose not based on length, but on necessity.

Purple prose is redundant. It draws attention to the prose, in a bad way that draws attention away from the thing that you want to describe.

For example, here's a paragraph from Stephanie Meyer (one of the Twilight books) that reads to me as purple prose:
The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black universe-an awesome sight. Exquisitely beautiful.
.
It's a short paragraph, but it feels overly descriptive. And I think that the last sentence is what pushes it over the top. "Exquisitely beautiful--" only two words, yet so unnecessary. If you as a writer have done an adequate job of describing the scene in a way that effectively conveys its exquisite beauty, you won't need to end the paragraph with a sentence that explicitly TELLS me that it was "exquisitely beautiful."

This is just my opinion, but I suspect that others share it. Just because a paragraph (or sentence) is short doesn't mean that it isn't purple. "Bob was a stout and fat man" may be a short sentence, but you can remove one of the adjectives to make it shorter without losing any meaning.

I always look for repetition in word choice, because I feel it really tends to break word flow. But I also look for redundancy in meaning. Are you using unnecessary sentences that convey information already included in the sentence that immediately proceeds or follows them? For example:
Brendan was a fast runner. Whenever we went to track meets, people were always impressed by his speed.
But suppose we just read it like this:
Whenever we went to track meets, people were always impressed by Brendan's speed.
The first sentence, "Brendan was a fast runner," is completely unnecessary, because the other sentence is already telling us that he's a fast runner, and conveying quite a bit more information as well (namely, that he competed in track meets, and that other people were impressed by the extent to which he was a fast runner). "Brendan was a fast runner" is redundant and worthy of removal.

Now, to reference an example from earlier in this thread:
A "Bacon and cheese? Sounds like a combination for a heart attack."
B "Really? I've been having this for the past 10 years of my life already! Doesn't seem to do me any harm!"
A "Have you checked this with your doctor recently?"

Vs.

A "Bacon and cheese? Sounds like a combination for a heart attack."
B "Really? I've been having this for the past 10 years of my life already! Doesn't seem to do me any harm!"
"A turned to B slowly as he continued to chop the garlic, blinking at him with a questioning gaze."
A "Have you checked this with your doctor recently?"
That "extra line" is not redundant in any way. It gives us new information that wasn't there before it was added. It actually helps to contextualize the line after it. When A says "Have you checked with your doctor recently?" the reader is better able to visualize the delivery, because the line that describes his questioning gaze gives us a better idea of exactly how A is reacting to B. I would keep this line in. I like to include lots of beats in my stories.

Having "extra" lines that state information that we already knew is purple. Having "extra" lines that provide additional context for what is going on can be quite helpful. Adding lines to provide context can help increase the reader's focus and attention on the parts that you want them to pay attention to. I think the place where you cross a line is when you provide so much "context" that it distracts the reader from the parts you want them to pay attention to. And that can vary from scene to scene.

In this dialog scene, think about what's important. Why is the scene here? Is it to inform the reader of one of the character's eating habits? Or is it there to establish the rapport that exists between two characters? Which of these two things is the focus? For example, suppose the important part of this scene is "these are two characters the reader needs to get to know, the reader needs to understand their behavior patterns and speech patterns and understand what kind of relationship they have with each other. If that's our focus, then the lines that add little details like what kind of facial expressions the characters make when reacting to each other can be immensely important.



The opposite of purple prose is often describe as "Orwellian prose," and if you want to get a good understanding of Orwellian prose you can read George Orwell's essay "Politics and the English Language," or pick up one of his books. "Orwellian prose" is designed to be minimalist and not draw attention to itself.

If prose is a windowpane through which we see a story, Orwell's goal was for that windowpane to be as clear and transparent as possible. You don't want to see the window itself; you want to see the beautiful thing that is on the other side of the window.

Except, sometimes you don't want to use the windowpane as something to look through. Sometimes, you just want to look at a beautiful stained-glass window. For example, the form of poetry is based around the idea of creating prose that is beautiful in and of itself. Like purple prose, this sort of prose draws attention to itself, but it draws attention to itself intentionally. Sometimes, you want to literally write poetry. (And I'm not talking about poetry that's just defined by its rhyming scheme.)

Sometimes, an author will describe a destitute man on the street, and use a metaphor to describe his situation, comparing the man on the street to a man drowning the ocean, completely at the mercy of his circumstances. But sometimes, the metaphor becomes this long and drawn-out thing, where the author continues to describe the waves crashing against the man, and the cruelty of the salty air that chokes his ability to breathe even in the brief moments that his head pierces the surf, and after several sentences you've completely forgotten about the homeless man begging on the street because the image of the man being tossed about by the waves is so vivid that it completely drowns everything else. This is not a bad thing. Sometimes, as an author, you want to make something weird and artistic that draws people's attention away from the concrete and into the world of metaphor, but it's not the kind of thing you want to do by accident.

For an explicit example, read this chapter of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables, "Billows and Shadows". Out of context, you might think that it's a 750-word description of a man drowning, struggling until he is swallowed up by the sea. But it's not actually about a drowning man. It's a metaphor for the plight of ex-convicts in 19th century France. It's actually quite beautiful, but while this metaphor is being laid upon the reader, our attention is briefly taken away from the main character of the story and exactly what was happening to him when this digression happened. It's not purple; it's poetic.
Necrobarista - serve coffee to the living and the dead
Idol Manager - experience the glamour and dangers of the pop idol industry
Cursed Lands - a mix of high fantasy and gothic horror

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users