Planning to do a VN, I would like to get some advice.

Questions, skill improvement, and respectful critique involving game writing.
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Salusava
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Planning to do a VN, I would like to get some advice.

#1 Post by Salusava » Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:48 pm

So, Hello, as the title says, I am planning to do a VN, I learnt a bit on how to use Ren'Py, I had a little bit of experience with the Tyranobuilder software but those are quite different. I haven't played that much VN beside some like Katawa Shoujo. At first, I was planning to do a simple Novel, but then the idea of doing a visual novel popped in so why not.
Basicaly, it would be fantasy-typed, I already wrote a bit of presentation for those interested.


"The world of Astérion is quite a sort of magical world, a sort of counterpart to the Earth, situated in the Solar System, but sort of different, as if the Earth never existed to let Astérion exist. In this Universe, magic is real, but pretty rare.

There are Three major Continent. Up North are frozen lands named Hexaborea, it is vast and unexplored, but story says that it is inhabited by strong and tall warriors clad in white and black fur, though, few are those who came back alive to tell about them.

Down South is a Continent named Shaktiva, with dry lands but luxuriant jungles. On this part of the world lives a strange specie of reptilians men, mainly compared to the Dragons, in fact, they all originate from this very continent. It is said that the inhabitants of this continent surpass everyone else in technology, it's even said that they have metal handles able to spit fire.

At the center is situated a continent named Babylonia. There are numerous different climates, and species. It is separated in multiple countries. In the North are the Cels, they are often xenophobic, they looks like normal Humans and practice slavery. East and Center, there is the biggest country, Arcadia, also inhabited by Humans, freer and certainly the most advanced specie of the continent. It's capital is the Great City of Uta, under the reign of King Caius, it's also the city where the most powerful magicians are. On the West side is a specie that is peaceful but powerful, the Corilians, a Humanoïd race of marine people. Their territory are mostly beaches, but the real size of their empire is unknown, few are those who explored the depths of the Ocean, where their largest cities are. nontheless, they prosper in peace.
About you... Your mother told you you were a bastard, the Son of King Caius... But it is impossible for you to known, and it is even possible that you aren't interested in it.
Beside that, your father died few days ago. You are 18 years old, and your Father gave you the rest of his money, evn though he knows you aren't his biological son, he still loved you, his last words were a wish for you to climb at the top of society.
Coïncidentaly, your best friend is proposing you to follow her in the City of Uta, she is a magus with a lot of potential, and she needs an assistant, you can be this one, you are only a Novice but it could greatly help you to increase your skills too, and it could be really interesting.
So here is the first choice that you get, which would greatly act in the story... Do you accept to follow her to the City of Uta... Or would you rather go on your own, somewhere else, traveling around, at the risk of your life ?
There are many people, from a poor ermit to a pure goddess, who will you meet ? From a simple magus to a wise King... Who will you become ?"


So it's a bit long but I am quite inspired, but it is going to take time to do. I've wrote many things these last years, I'v done many roleplays and even wrote a Novel-sized fiction (it took me about 18 days, I'm really fast at writing when I've got the determination)
For this story I'm quite inspired, there may be many references to The Epic of Gilgamesh too

But a VN is different, it's clearly longer to do, I'll have to do the writing, the scripting, the designs, artworks and even music. So I would like some advice, if the projects seems interesting, I'm planning on doing multiple routes who would be quite different betwen them, and I've already done some basic designs for characters, I would like to know what you think overall from the introduction and my drawing style. (even if this topic isn't in the art asset category, I think it may be better to drop this here rather than doing a separate topic ?)

So here's a design of one of the girls :
http://i.imgur.com/jaZDAgO.png

Here's a random drawing :
http://i.imgur.com/WpletrF.png

I've got other drawings, if you want me to show them !
So if you have any advice on how to improve my art style or anything else, I'd like to know, thanks !

dakudaku
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Re: Planning to do a VN, I would like to get some advice.

#2 Post by dakudaku » Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:31 pm

Hello, I'm really interested in knowing more about your project it sounds like a really cool concept.
Is there going to be romancable heroines? I hope so.
But my impression from reading the introduction is it's suffering from a case of info dumping.
Minute information about geography should be revealed throughout the story not in the introduction.
I'll try to make a summary on how I would introduce this visual novel.

In the world of Asterion magic is hard to come by, the Great City is under reign by King Cais your rightful father who left you to be a bastard son.
The one who you consider your real father had a dying wish for you to climb up in society, will you join your best friend to become her magus's assistant and follow her to the city of Uta or will you go on your own risking your life?
From a simple magus to a wise King...Who will you become?

I too am working on a visual novel right now and I think I could help you with this project if you wouldn't mind.
I take a high level of passion with everything I do.
I quite like the names of the cities.

Now on to your art... the first thing I notice is that the shoulders are too wide for a girl, to give that feminine look try to make it less broad, in the one with the marine looking girl her bust looks unnatural, the skirt should come all the way up in the folds, she's a cute character I'd say.
The belly button looks like a line in the first drawing.
The arms in the marine girl look way to far apart.
I'd love to help you with this since I love the fantasy genre.
I decided to redraw your drawings in my style to show you what my drawing style is.
https://i.imgur.com/DDPqGZ2.jpg

I didn't draw the clothes yet but I like the scarf aspect of the marine girl.

I draw the eyebrows when I do the lineart...
Your project looks exciting, and that's amazing that you have such a drive to write.
send me a message sometime if you want to know more or you want to see examples of my colouring or see my recent work in progress! :)
Looking to hear from you.
~dakudaku

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