- Posts: 66
- Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 4:43 pm
- Projects: Dangan Ren'Py
- Location: United States
But I remember this chapter the fondest. This was written as one of the endings. I felt compelled to share it. (The other endings I wrote just got sillier and less interesting, the second ending involved a girl making a gundam in the school basement.)
There are references to certain plot threads in this chapter, but I don't think much context is needed. (I barely remember half of the context anyway.) The most you need to know is that Bryce can see brief visions of the future and the chapter begins when a terrorist attack begins on a small island country.
It's kind of graphic so read at your own risk. I'd love to hear what you guys think. Should I try salvaging this project? What kind of things did I do right and wrong? That kind of stuff.
For the moment I love it ! I think that if you've got the right sprites, backgrounds, musics, it can be really reaaally good !
When Katrina decides to go into the castle, you could (maybe you planned to do it ?) include a choice, for instance:
b "Wait... I won't let her... Like this..."
"Tell her to wait for you"
"Say good-bye to her"
Of course if the player choose "Say good-bye to her", the main character would say something like:
" No... I can't do this"
and you end with the "... I'm going with you." you wrote (in the two cases).
I'm still reading and I just thought : Bryce could have a vision of the near end of the story ? But this is the only time he sees it, and he doesn't pay attention to it more than that.
There's a moment where it's written
without anything between the two, did you do this on purpose ?
Armored man "Ha! How naïve. Schnel!"
"Schnel" like "schnell" in german ?
Should we know more about Yuliah, Edmund, Katrina or Corrine in the 1-4 chap ?
I think that for the the two last lines of dialogue:
K “Enough with the cliché lines, just kiss me.”
I think Bryce shouldn't answer.
After "just kiss me" you make a transition and you continue with the summary of what happened after. It would be better, according to me
But that's just my thoughts ^^
So in the end, I really love it, yeah ! Though I have the feeling that something (but I don't know what ) is missing.
But once again, it's maybe because I don't have 1-4 chapters !
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