Read and Critique my First Script!!

Questions, skill improvement, and respectful critique involving game writing.
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Curtid21
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Read and Critique my First Script!!

#1 Post by Curtid21 » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:43 pm

Hey all!
I've been around for a few days now and I've finally finished one full route of my VN currently titled Destined.
For context, Destined is about a young, college student facing an identity crisis. He's struggling to find out who he was, who he is, and who he wants to be in life. Feeling pressured by society, he meets an array of people in tough situations. Through each person he finds out a key to his character by how he interacts with them.

The completed script is the Xander route. An educated bookworm conflicted between his social life and work life. The script is separated by Days to denote progress with the character. I can go more into how I envision the game mechanics if anyone asks.

But please, I hope you enjoy the script. Please give me any feedback you may have on your mind at all.

Thank you!!!
Attachments
Xander Script.pdf
-Destined, A VN by Curtis Robinson
(126.79 KiB) Downloaded 91 times
"Are you ready?"
Ready as I'll ever be.

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Re: Read and Critique my First Script!!

#2 Post by Musick » Mon Jul 09, 2018 5:14 am

I think the art you will add will certainly be important to interest the viewer into the story. A possible problem is (if it is a problem at all) that the setting and story is telling a very personal situation that's aimed at exactly at people living in a similar setting, so it might be difficult to attract "average" readers. You can either go with that, aiming at a certain niche, or add some other aspect (for example a project the student is working on) and mix it with the story.

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Curtid21
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Re: Read and Critique my First Script!!

#3 Post by Curtid21 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:04 pm

Thanks for looking this over!
Oh definitely. It's probably not as detailed as others I've read but this is because I intend to lean on art and scenery to fill in details.
As far as nicheness, I definitely don't want to make it too avant-garde. I'm going to lean on the more slice of life relatability. A young student, a new campus, new people. But also an internal conflict, which the reader will have to balance out with skill raising game mechanics (reminiscent of choices we make everyday).
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Re: Read and Critique my First Script!!

#4 Post by TigerAlpaca » Tue Jul 24, 2018 11:15 am

The script is SO good =D I struggled to get interested in first - but the end is really sweet and it just hooks the reader in. I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words - but it's really good and I would definitely play the finished game

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Re: Read and Critique my First Script!!

#5 Post by Curtid21 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:59 pm

TigerAlpaca wrote:
Tue Jul 24, 2018 11:15 am
The script is SO good =D I struggled to get interested in first - but the end is really sweet and it just hooks the reader in. I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words - but it's really good and I would definitely play the finished game
Holy moly, thank you. I've just finished the next script since writing this. Really happy about it, and it has some exciting elements to it too. I'll be posting it soon.

I realize quotes like this have to be made to get a notification on a post (I wish the system were more like Facebook). I saw your updates too! I'll be able to test it out again in the coming days. Hope all's going well
"Are you ready?"
Ready as I'll ever be.

TigerAlpaca
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Re: Read and Critique my First Script!!

#6 Post by TigerAlpaca » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:20 am

Curtid21 wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:59 pm
TigerAlpaca wrote:
Tue Jul 24, 2018 11:15 am
The script is SO good =D I struggled to get interested in first - but the end is really sweet and it just hooks the reader in. I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words - but it's really good and I would definitely play the finished game
Holy moly, thank you. I've just finished the next script since writing this. Really happy about it, and it has some exciting elements to it too. I'll be posting it soon.

I realize quotes like this have to be made to get a notification on a post (I wish the system were more like Facebook). I saw your updates too! I'll be able to test it out again in the coming days. Hope all's going well
I't's annoying with the quote thing, isn't it? But thanks for wishing me well on my own game - I've just recently lost my collaborator so things are moving a bit slowly. Back onto the topic- please let me know when you have a demo released for your game - I really want to test it out!

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