How do you vary sentence structure?

Questions, skill improvement, and respectful critique involving game writing.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
tier
Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed May 11, 2022 11:39 pm
Contact:

How do you vary sentence structure?

#1 Post by tier »

I have read dozens of visual novels. In some, the same sentence structure is used many times. In others, it will change frequently.

Example 1:
She opens the door. She sees heavy rain pouring down hard on the sidewalk. She can barely see a few meters ahead. She grabs an umbrella and leaves her house. She is definitely going to be late again. She slowly walks to her destination in the terrible weather.

Example 2:
She opens the door. Heavy rain crashes down on the sidewalk. It's so dense she can barely see a few meters ahead. Scowling, she grabs an umbrella and walks outside. There is no way she will get there on time. The resigned frustration slows her steps more than the terrible weather.

Sometimes, I have trouble avoiding repetition in my sentence structure. I often find myself writing a comma in the middle of sentences like this: "While doing something, another event happens here." It is also difficult to balance narration with showing the inner thoughts of characters, especially in third-person perspective.

How do you vary sentences in your writing?

User avatar
fleet
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1571
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 2:25 pm
Deviantart: fleetp
Contact:

Re: How do you vary sentence structure?

#2 Post by fleet »

Since it's a visual novel, let pictures tell much of the story.

For your first example, use a CG to show your female character (I'll assume her name is Sarah) inside a house, looking out an open door where rain is falling. In your text (dialog) box have the following words in italics:
Sarah (thinking): I can't see beyond a few meters. Where's my umbrella?

Next, have a CG showing Sarah carrying her umbrella, walking in the rain. In your text (dialog) box have the following words in italics:
Sarah (thinking): I'm going to be late again, but if I run I'm likely to fall and get soaking wet.
Some of my visual novels are at http://www.the-new-lagoon.com. They are NSFW
Poorly done hand-drawn art is still poorly done art. Be a Poser (or better yet, use DAZ Studio 3D) - dare to be different.

User avatar
tier
Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed May 11, 2022 11:39 pm
Contact:

Re: How do you vary sentence structure?

#3 Post by tier »

Oh, those are great suggestions! I will plan to add more CG and character sprites if possible.

User avatar
droo_radley
Regular
Posts: 26
Joined: Sun Jan 31, 2021 10:06 pm
Completed: Gloom and Doom
Organization: Neo Tegoel Games
itch: neotegoelgames
Contact:

Re: How do you vary sentence structure?

#4 Post by droo_radley »

Also, I feel like you have to think more like a "screenplay" rather than a novel. More dialogue, less prose.
Drew,
Neo Tegoel Games
Come chat to me on Twitter!
And please check out Gloom and Doom - a comedy VN about supernatural slackers

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users