Animation critique please :)

[sonone]

Soo, I started my first vn and I'm doing an animated cutscene here

it's still a rough animation with no details


edit:

edit2:


other version


it's a girl slapping a guy

obviously, it's not forceful and dramatic enough :/

any opinions, suggestions, comment or critique?

I also made a song for my first vn that you can also critique.... it's in tagalog e_e;
I know it sucks... I'm the guy doing back up vocals
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/45614661/SimDateOpening.mp3

[JustAnotherMe]

Yayyy!! Another animator!!
This animation overall is good, and about the dramatic thingy, you can make it dramatic enough with the expression (which you haven't done, so it's okay) I'm not so sure, but the time when the girl push the boy doesn't seem right... though I'm not an expert with this, it's just my opinion. Hmmm... dunno, maybe the position, the time, or the reaction of being pushed or something like that. I can't say it and can't find the right word.
What software you're using?

[sonone]

Yayyy!! Another animator!!
This animation overall is good, and about the dramatic thingy, you can make it dramatic enough with the expression (which you haven't done, so it's okay) I'm not so sure, but the time when the girl push the boy doesn't seem right... though I'm not an expert with this, it's just my opinion. Hmmm... dunno, maybe the position, the time, or the reaction of being pushed or something like that. I can't say it and can't find the right word.
What software you're using?

Actually, this is my first time doing frame by frame animation (drawing each frames manually)
I think it's the force, she's pushing too slow and soft... maybe?

I'm using flash

[Chorvaqueen]

You can stick with the animation, but I think adding clothes and hair would do the trick for it "might" give an illusion or an idea at how strong she slapped the guy/the guy was thrown off.

[JustAnotherMe]

Actually, this is my first time doing frame by frame animation (drawing each frames manually)
I think it's the force, she's pushing too slow and soft... maybe?

I'm using flash

Yeah!!! That one!!! After you say it, I can get what 'lacks' in there!!
You can make the body pose of the girl, somehow... rather bent backward, then you know, it'll seem she put more effort into pushing.

Owh, flash! It's the right start to make an animation, though I'd suggest you to use after effect. It's just me btw, it depends on what more comforting for you XD

[sonone]

I tried tweaking it a little bit...

I think it looks a lil better now



I'll post it on the main post so you can compare

[JustAnotherMe]

Hehehehe, yeap! More force I see! But still, if you want a 'dramatic' and 'right' scene, you should change the girl's pose. You know, a girl supposed to be weak and so they need to put a lot of effort to 'really' push a man. It'll b: make the head see below (?) and bend the spine to the back. Yeah, not good with explaining, hope you can understand though.

[sonone]

make the head see below (?) and bend the spine to the back

is this better?

[JustAnotherMe]

BETTER FOR SURE!! But it still lacks of a little something... I don't really know. I must see an actual scene to know better.
Emphasize her struggle to break the boy's hug... I guess... AGH!! I really don't know!! But it's better!! You can see her put more effort into it!!

GOOD JOB!! XDD (And you're fast!!! A0A)

[sonone]

BETTER FOR SURE!! But it still lacks of a little something... I don't really know. I must see an actual scene to know better.
Emphasize her struggle to break the boy's hug... I guess... AGH!! I really don't know!! But it's better!! You can see her put more effort into it!!

GOOD JOB!! XDD (And you're fast!!! A0A)

XD oh well, I guess I'll do the drastic changes in the finalization ^u^;

wait for more animation clips to critic XD

[Marcelo_Orlando]

The flow of the animation is nice but the reason is looks playful is because it's to slow and she isn't using her full arm and her body. Have her twist her body back and bring her arm back even further before coming in for the slap.

[JustAnotherMe]

The flow of the animation is nice but the reason is looks playful is because it's to slow and she isn't using her full arm and her body. Have her twist her body back and bring her arm back even further before coming in for the slap.

Ah-ah-ah!!! Marcelo surely can explain more than me XP! yeap!! Good job, Marcelo!!! That's it!!!

[Deji]

Hmmm...
I'm fairly new to animation (I'm still studying the principles and not really animating much >>; ), so my crit may not be very good ^^; I'll try my best, though!

Before saying anything, I think it's great you're aiming for animated cutscenes! Seriously, I wish I had the patience to do that kind of thing @_@ Animating is so much work
So I wish you the best!
The animation looks nice as it is, btw, I quite like it! But yes, it could be improved and made more dramatic.

Now, let's see if I can help...
You have two actions: girl releasing herself from the guy's embrace and girl hitting the guy.
I think you need to exaggerate the anticipations and reactions a bit more to make them more dramatic.

On the first action, there's not much anticipation on her breaking the embrace. I think a couple of frames with her getting closer to the guy while raising her arms, lowering her head a bit and moving her elbows backwards to take impulse to shove the guy off would work. Also the reaction of the guy, staggering a tad to a more unstable/caught by surprise position after she shoves him off would be nice, possibly with him having his arms less relaxed and close to his body.

On the second action, she naturally moves her hand from being on the guy's chest to the ready-to-slap position. I'd add a bit more anticipation there, maybe making the hand draw a circle, going a bit down than its current position and then up. I'd also exaggerate that pose, to make the slap seem more strong (right now the slap doesn't feel very strong), and make her use more of the force of her body than just the force of his hand and arm as it seems right now.

I agree that, with clothes and hair you can emphasize more the action, with secondary animation of them. It'd be nice, specially for the guy's reaction close-up, that right now just looks like a frozen frame.
I'd expect him, after the frozen shock moment to move the head a bit down (in anticipation) and then up again to look at the girl while raising her hand to the hurt cheek.

I hope all the blabbery made some sense @_@

Keep up the good work!!

[JustAnotherMe]

@Deji-chan: that's... a really good and detailed explanation... @_@
Sometimes I really envy people who can pin point something so easily...

[ShirakiHime]

Amazing animation *__*