Sad Song Critique

[Alastair]

https://soundcloud.com/mudgorillaed/merry-go-round

All right, so I dabbled in trying to make a song. Had to refresh myself on my music reading and theorizing, and while I like the first half or so, I feel like it meanders going towards the end.

Any tips there? And I guess critique on anything else about it.

[TheChris]

https://soundcloud.com/mudgorillaed/merry-go-round

All right, so I dabbled in trying to make a song. Had to refresh myself on my music reading and theorizing, and while I like the first half or so, I feel like it meanders going towards the end.

Any tips there? And I guess critique on anything else about it.

Like you said, it meanders. I would recommend that you be more mindful of where you want the melody to go when you write. What is the destination of each phrase? Also, you only played a simple bass line and the melody. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but in this piece, the lack of chords makes your piece sound empty.

By the way, do you speak Japanese?

[Alastair]

Like you said, it meanders. I would recommend that you be more mindful of where you want the melody to go when you write. What is the destination of each phrase? Also, you only played a simple bass line and the melody. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but in this piece, the lack of chords makes your piece sound empty.

By the way, do you speak Japanese?

I wanted something simple in the bass line for now before adding more to it. It is a work in progress. And on bass line and melody ... what exactly else could be added to make it more complete?

And yes, I can read Japanese. My ability to speak/listen is shot though.

[TheChris]

Like you said, it meanders. I would recommend that you be more mindful of where you want the melody to go when you write. What is the destination of each phrase? Also, you only played a simple bass line and the melody. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but in this piece, the lack of chords makes your piece sound empty.

By the way, do you speak Japanese?

I wanted something simple in the bass line for now before adding more to it. It is a work in progress. And on bass line and melody ... what exactly else could be added to make it more complete?

And yes, I can read Japanese. My ability to speak/listen is shot though.

If you include chords into your song, that would make it sound more complete. I think it would also help you make more sense of your melody and it won't "meander" so much. As for the reason I asked about your Japanese ability:
私も日本語が読めるけど、上手に読めない。soundcloudで日本語を気づいたんだ。

[Alastair]

If you include chords into your song, that would make it sound more complete. I think it would also help you make more sense of your melody and it won't "meander" so much. As for the reason I asked about your Japanese ability:
私も日本語が読めるけど、上手に読めない。soundcloudで日本語を気づいたんだ。

Yerp, that's from a while back when I was playing with UTAU (basically a free vocaloid-like program). It's かにぱん。's boy voice which sounds a lot like Monkey D. Luffy. They're just the Japanese lyrics of Be a Man from Mulan and Pirate's Life for Me. I was really really bored.

Anyway, chords, I did look more into about how to add chords and how to make the bass line more interesting, but I might not get into improving on it tonight. I definitely want to look into it more before I just futz around again.

[TheChris]

If you include chords into your song, that would make it sound more complete. I think it would also help you make more sense of your melody and it won't "meander" so much. As for the reason I asked about your Japanese ability:
私も日本語が読めるけど、上手に読めない。soundcloudで日本語を気づいたんだ。

Yerp, that's from a while back when I was playing with UTAU (basically a free vocaloid-like program). It's かにぱん。's boy voice which sounds a lot like Monkey D. Luffy. They're just the Japanese lyrics of Be a Man from Mulan and Pirate's Life for Me. I was really really bored.

Anyway, chords, I did look more into about how to add chords and how to make the bass line more interesting, but I might not get into improving on it tonight. I definitely want to look into it more before I just futz around again.

If you have any questions about how to add chords, feel free to ask me. I have a good understanding of music theory and have written many songs. Also, adding the chords will help you rewrite your bass line. My problem with the bass line is that it "meanders" just like the melody "meanders". The chords and the bass line's main purpose is to support the melody.