Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoreno 2013] FINISHED!

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Cidz
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Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoreno 2013] FINISHED!

#1 Post by Cidz » Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:15 pm

Papercut

Sypnosis: A Housewife.
A kind of woman who devotes her life to the man she married. But she doesn't have to stay at home.
She can work from home to provide the family some additional income.
She would take the kids the school and have friends to hang out with.
She could become proactive and manage the money of the house.
But that's not you. You are not that kind of housewife.

Papercut is a second person story of love and debauchery. When things don’t go your way, your eyes start to wander elsewhere... but like a papercut, the pain doesn’t set in until it’s too late.

Characters:

Husband - middle-aged business man, spends most of his time working.
Paperboy - cute, shy, kind, delivers papers around the neighborhood.
Housewife (you) - middle-aged, lonely, seeks comfort in paperboy, cuz husband hardly pays attention.

Writing - Jubbz
Programing - Cidz
Art - roundmetal

Also! here are a couple sketches as well!
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2.jpg
Last edited by Cidz on Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:42 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: Papercut [debauchery/drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#2 Post by Cidz » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:58 pm

Jubbz started working on the script and should have the rough draft done by week 1.
After that we can tell the artist what expressions is needed.
I'll start programming as well. Ive been trying to think of GUI ideas, anyone have any?

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Re: Papercut [debauchery/drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#3 Post by Cidz » Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:55 pm

Hey look color sketch yay!
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Re: Papercut [debauchery/drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#4 Post by Cidz » Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:18 pm

annnd more sketches!
our artist is so fast <333
will probably have sprites in a few days maybe!
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2.jpg
3.jpg

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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#5 Post by EchoLove » Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:05 pm

As much as I don't like the idea of cheating, this does sound interesting, and I hope we get a scene where the paperboys glasses falls off or something, he'd probably look really cute xD

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Re: Papercut [debauchery/drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#6 Post by ShippoK » Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:56 pm

Cidz wrote:Image
Da'yum! That husband is pretty ripped for being middle-aged. Why is she cheating on him again, haha!

Nice idea, always neat to have a story think out of the box. I hope it get's the ending it deserves for this kind of plot-line.
(Make her suffer, NO HAPPY END!)

GUI? Hm... Maybe something like broken mirrors and dark black hearts? Here's just a quick sketch idea I made in a minute.

Image

Just throwing one out there.
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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#7 Post by Dream » Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:20 am

EchoLove wrote:As much as I don't like the idea of cheating, this does sound interesting, and I hope we get a scene where the paperboys glasses falls off or something, he'd probably look really cute xD
Agreed, this does sound like it has a lot of potential.

Your artist is pretty good by the way, i really like his sketches. I can't say the colored sprites awe me as much but they're still pretty good.

As for the GUI, i think ShippoK's suggestion is a fitting one given the vague idea we have of the project and the apparent tone/direction it intends to take. I would make the blue a little stronger though

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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#8 Post by Cidz » Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:38 pm

EchoLove wrote:As much as I don't like the idea of cheating, this does sound interesting, and I hope we get a scene where the paperboys glasses falls off or something, he'd probably look really cute xD
Haha, well yeah I hate cheating as well, but I think this'll be fun to make! Oooh that would be cute!

ShippoK wrote:
Cidz wrote:Image
Da'yum! That husband is pretty ripped for being middle-aged. Why is she cheating on him again, haha!

Nice idea, always neat to have a story think out of the box. I hope it get's the ending it deserves for this kind of plot-line.
(Make her suffer, NO HAPPY END!)

GUI? Hm... Maybe something like broken mirrors and dark black hearts? Here's just a quick sketch idea I made in a minute.

Image

Just throwing one out there.
I know!! I joked around with the artist and said too bad there isnt an option to have both haha! The husband's pretty handsome. >_>
Ooooh, that's not bad! I tried making one, but I went to test it on renpy, didn't work. I probably have to go back and see how to code text boxes again rather then trying to copypaste the code from WWOH.

Dream wrote:
EchoLove wrote:As much as I don't like the idea of cheating, this does sound interesting, and I hope we get a scene where the paperboys glasses falls off or something, he'd probably look really cute xD
Agreed, this does sound like it has a lot of potential.

Your artist is pretty good by the way, i really like his sketches. I can't say the colored sprites awe me as much but they're still pretty good.

As for the GUI, i think ShippoK's suggestion is a fitting one given the vague idea we have of the project and the apparent tone/direction it intends to take. I would make the blue a little stronger though
Thank you! I hope people will enjoy playing this as well.

Yeah, the artist is pretty good! I'm glad we found someone like them. I'm happy they are fast and easy to communicate with. <3 Hmm...what is it about the colored sprite's you don't like? Anything to be changed?

Ok, I'll give it a try! I'll mess around with the coding and photoshop while the writer is writing and the artist is drawing haha.


And thank you everyone for the comments! I was kinda worried, given the subject, maybe people would shy away from this.

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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#9 Post by Dream » Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:19 pm

Cidz wrote:Thank you! I hope people will enjoy playing this as well.

Yeah, the artist is pretty good! I'm glad we found someone like them. I'm happy they are fast and easy to communicate with. <3 Hmm...what is it about the colored sprite's you don't like? Anything to be changed?

And thank you everyone for the comments! I was kinda worried, given the subject, maybe people would shy away from this.
You're welcome. I think one of the things the premise has the most to it's favor, it's that it's pretty simple and relateable, so the reader doesn't feel as dissattached from the premise or characters as a more outlandish premise would make them feel (i think).

Glad to know your artists are efficient and reliable fellows, it seems to be a very valuable trait when it comes to VN production. Regarding my observations, please keep in mind i still have a lot to learn and i've never worked on a VN before, anyways (all the observations are made on the colored underwear sprite, by the way): Husband doesn't look like he's 40 or 50 (or at least i assume that's his age going by his age and the story excerpts), i think the two main reasons for that are that his jaw is too thin (the line in the sketch was much broader, so it gave the impression that the jaw was much wider than in the cleaned sprite) and more proper of a feminine character or a young male than an older man. And, his face is too unwrinkled/non-rugged to appear older. I assume that's mostly because of an stylistic choice but i believe you can suggest a certain ruggedness in the facial feature and incorporate it within the story's style. He could probably use a bit more muscle definition (at least more than the paperboy) but he probably fits better in the style this way. Aside from that his neck feels a little too thin and the trapezius muscles are a bit too flat, methinks. His shading, eyes/expression and hair are pretty awesome and well achieved, though.

Paperboy's linework is a bit too dirty in the arms, and they could probably use a more human definition (arms are very hard, trust me on this :lol:) And his hair is not as well produced as the husband's (although i have the hunch that is an intentional storytelling reason) Some of the lines in his body could use a bit more elaborating/definition and the shading could be smoother, but overall he's pretty well done.

I really love the way they made the clothes by the way, feels like professional work to me.

I'm probably being captain obvious here, but you might want to talk with the artists and ask them for advice regarding the GUI design, since they might be able to offer some input (illustration isn't the same as graphic design, but there is still some overlap in skill, i think).

Personally, i doubt that many people would be turned away from the story given the subject matter, as even without much digging below the mainstream you can see far worse/darker stuff.

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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#10 Post by EchoLove » Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:30 pm

Well going by the work of Voltage inc's In Your Arms Tonight VN which is a lot like this, middle aged can mean as young as 30. 50 is a bit too old for middle-age classification so I think the characters actually look perfect for their ages.

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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#11 Post by JimG » Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:37 pm

EchoLove wrote:Well going by the work of Voltage inc's In Your Arms Tonight VN which is a lot like this, middle aged can mean as young as 30. 50 is a bit too old for middle-age classification so I think the characters actually look perfect for their ages.

If 50 is middle aged then it means life expectancy is 100! I'd go for 40 as being middle aged. (I'm 54 so I don't say this lightly!)

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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#12 Post by KittyKatStar » Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:50 pm

Dictionary says:

middle age |ˈˌmɪdl ˈeɪʤ|
noun
the period between early adulthood and old age, usually considered as the years from about 45 to 65.

And I do look forward to this. I'm not big on cheating either, but it does set up for some interesting character development and conflict. ^^
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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#13 Post by Cidz » Tue Mar 05, 2013 1:47 am

@ Dream - thanks for the advice! I showed the artist this thread too, so they could take a look at the suggestions as well.

As far as the husband looking younger, hmm... I suppose he does look pretty young for someone in thier 30s or 40s, buuut sometimes people look really young! haha.

Also! I took the GUI suggestions, asked my artist and she liked the idea as well as the writer soo i ended up making this:
(note: i still need to change the font color and name color, i promise to lighten it up to make it easier to read!)

So what do you think everyone?
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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#14 Post by ShippoK » Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:24 am

Cidz wrote: Also! I took the GUI suggestions, asked my artist and she liked the idea as well as the writer soo i ended up making this:
(note: i still need to change the font color and name color, i promise to lighten it up to make it easier to read!)

So what do you think everyone?
(I'm helping~)
Quite like it, but could use a bit of touching up...

1. If you can, Make it a little less square-like.
2. Take out those random slashes/dotty things in the transparency, they feel very out of place.

Hard to say what else there needs to be sense there's no Background/Character sprites to compare it with. But I think you did a pretty good job with it. :wink:
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Re: Papercut [love-affair drama] [nanoremo 2013]

#15 Post by Cidz » Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:17 am

@ ShippoK - Ah, yeah my friend said the same thing. Tomorrow I'll work on touching it up.

Although, the more I look at it, the more I wonder if it be more suited for a horror game?
I might try something different tomorrow. I do like the mirror idea, maybe i wont make the edges so rough? But the plain square edges looked boring, so I wasn't sure what else to do.

Ah, I wonder if maybe I should make a textbox something like this where it takes up half the screen? that might be intersting, since it's written in 2nd person POV.

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