Paranormal detective [NaNoRenO 2014]

[TheHappyAsylum]

Title: Paranormal Detective

Genres: Paranormal, school life, comedy

rating: 16+ for suggestive themes and foul language. (but who am I to tell you not to play? )

Summary: Unibaga High has is a well known school. Not because of its size, or its programs. But because it has always been haunted. As of late the students have been reporting more sightings and attacks that usual. To keep parents from removing their students, The principal (Akira Sato) is forced to call in a team of exorcists.

Progress:
Story: 100%

Characters(Appearance): 100%

Characters(Bio, Personality): 100%

Script: 100%

Music: 100%

Sound Effects: 100

Game play: 100%

Chapters scripted: 1

Other:

Screen shots: Coming soon!

Chapters/Cases: 12

Endings: There is one official ending, and many ways to die. I wont say how many as I want it to be a surprise

Game play and features: ***edited!*** The features I am working on give the game both a detective and ghost busting feel! On the detective side of the game, there will be investigating scenes, talking to witness' and other people around the school (for data entry of people you meet around the school), and trying to figure out the root of the whole problem. The ghost buster side will be exorcising the ghosts, figuring out what you need to take a specific entity down, and potion creation.

Main Characters:
Ango Ing:
"Now that I think of it..he MIGHT be a ghost"
He is the leader of the exorcism group. This guy isn't the sharp tool in the shed, but somehow he makes it work. He cant take most things seriously and has a bad habit of making bad matters worse. At the end of the day, he is an impeccable leader. He is in charge of exorcising entities

James:
"Uh..'Sir', not to interrupt your speech but I think your 'chair' is trying to eat you"
What it there to say about James? He is very serious, smart, and stealthy. You can find him undermining Ango's judgement and complaining about working for "such an inarticulate baboon". No matter how often he says he cant stand his boss, there is no denying that he would be lost without him. He is in charge of creating potions for healing, exorcising, and the like.
Anna:
"If we are to blend in Master Ango, I suggest we try to mingle with the adolescents."
Anna Is Ango Ings servant. Well, self appointed servant. She was originally to be another person working underneath him, but couldn't handle how slovenly he was. She is sweet, smart, and obedient. 9 times out of 10 she doesn't know whats going on with the whole "paranormal" thing; She's just happy to help.

Jiing:
"Sure! If I was some ball of fur with eyes bigger than my body, repeating 'Pyo' or 'Nyan' after every sentence you'd love me!!!"
Jiing is Ango's familiar and best friend. He has two forms and prefers to stay in a small floating form. He is used to find different entities (he feels there pressure) and as a second opinion to Ango. He is a bit quirky, irritable but above all else adorable.

I will try to update this as much as possible, and post things as the story comes along!
If there are any questions please feel free to ask!

3/21 edit:
I went over my demo about three times without noticing MANY errors, so I am taking it out as of now, and will release a second, longer, and more polished demo within these weeks.

[Googaboga]

I love stories about haunted things X3. Best of luck on all those features. It sounds like it'll be a cool game.

[TheHappyAsylum]

I love stories about haunted things X3. Best of luck on all those features. It sounds like it'll be a cool game.

Thank you! I have been working on it non stop for a few days, and shortly I will be able to post some pictures of my work

[Mad Harlequin]

I don't know if this is intentional, but "Ango Ing" sounds like a really cheesy pun . . . no offense.

[2dt]

The characters seem very strong. Very natural and immediately relatable. Also sounds pretty funny too.

[TheHappyAsylum]

I don't know if this is intentional, but "Ango Ing" sounds like a really cheesy pun . . . no offense.

No offense taken! It's an extremely cheesy pun about one of my favorite shows and I'm hoping many will catch onto it's meaning

The characters seem very strong. Very natural and immediately relatable. Also sounds pretty funny too.

Thank you! Throughout the game I want them to react like every day people do, and have at least one character that people can relate to!

Here's the menu picture i've been working on! I tweaked it for a few days and this is my final product. What do you guys think?

[Guest]

No offense taken! It's an extremely cheesy pun about one of my favorite shows and I'm hoping many will catch onto it's meaning

Oh, okay.

I don't get the reference, but I'm glad it's intentional. I stared at it for a few moments when I first came across the thread, and I wasn't really sure.

Anyway, I don't have much else to say for the moment except that I like paranormal stuff. Best wishes in completing your project.

[Mad Harlequin]

No offense taken! It's an extremely cheesy pun about one of my favorite shows and I'm hoping many will catch onto it's meaning

Oh, okay.

I don't get the reference, but I'm glad it's intentional. I stared at it for a few moments when I first came across the thread, and I wasn't really sure.

Anyway, I don't have much else to say for the moment except that I like paranormal stuff. Best wishes in completing your project.

Aaaand I didn't realize I wasn't logged in when I replied to the thread. My apologies.

[TheHappyAsylum]

No offense taken! It's an extremely cheesy pun about one of my favorite shows and I'm hoping many will catch onto it's meaning

Oh, okay.

I don't get the reference, but I'm glad it's intentional. I stared at it for a few moments when I first came across the thread, and I wasn't really sure.

Anyway, I don't have much else to say for the moment except that I like paranormal stuff. Best wishes in completing your project.

Aaaand I didn't realize I wasn't logged in when I replied to the thread. My apologies.

Well it's not very specific to much of anything, I just got the idea from one of my favorite detective shows. The series is still ongoing to this day, and I notice this about many investigation shows so I thought "hmmm ongoing. ango ing hehehehe that would be a funny name!" (I guess I like to amuse myself! )

Anyways, thank you, it's starting to come along nicely

[TheHappyAsylum]

Alright I have been working very hard, but for some reason I don't think I will be able to finish this game before the end of march

[TheHappyAsylum]

I just released the demo, it is in my original post! The demo is no longer available

[arachni42]

I played through your demo and I have some feedback for you.

I really liked the background art. They all looked very nice and I liked the colors. The sprites were cool, too... I think my favorite was Jiing. They were problematic, though, in that they did not feel like they go together. They are done in very different styles. I liked them individually, but they felt out of place with each other. Also, the edges around the redhead really need to be cleaned up.

The technique of starting the story with the little girl (the victim) worked well, although for awhile I thought "Victom" was her name! The spelling and grammar errors are, unfortunately, very distracting. Definitely get a proofreader on this!

Having portraits for each character was good, but I'd also like to see a name tag; I found myself losing track of who people were talking to. (I'm not good with names, so I definitely can use guidance! By the end I learned James and Jiing, but not the redhead, MC, or principal.) I was also confused about the ??? at the beginning. I thought the lady (the principal) was a separate person from the ???, but later it seemed ??? was her. Is there a reason we didn't know her name (or, more importantly, her title) at the start? Did the MC just start randomly talking to her without knowing who she was?

I think it's pretty cool to have extra features like the e-mail and other things you'll be able to do when the game is complete. The explanation about the e-mail was very timely and straightfoward -- you made it easy for me to understand. The mention of the bestiary and other options is well-done, too, although you should have a different style for buttons referring to options that are still locked at any given point. (Or, have a bit of text on the button saying "locked" -- that way, you won't end up clicking on it only to see it's not available.) BTW, it is spelled "bestiary."
It also seemed a bit odd that the mailbox stayed active during certain scenes. Presumably the character is checking e-mail on his mobile, but he's not going to do it, say, during a climactic battle, so I don't think the player should have the option, either. It breaks immersion. Also, the e-mail was a bit hard to read... I think black text would probably work better here than white, especially if the background is a few shades lighter.

I liked the comedic side of the choices ("Jiing, get your butt out here!", haha). However, gameplay-wise, it was a problem that there didn't seem to be any way to know which choices would be good or bad. I mean, the choice I just mentioned for Jiing is obviously comedic, but the other two choices, from my point of view as a player, were arbitrary. The same with going left or right, or even forming a plan for battle.

I knew that "brute force" would be the wrong way to go for battle because I am genre-savvy... that is, I know that brute force has a reputation for not being strategic, so I thought this choice would be bad because it has a reputation for being bad... not because I knew anything about the strengths or weaknesses of the characters or the monster. There are some cases, after all, where brute force would be a good choice for battle. For the rest of the options, it was just outright guessing. Again, as a player, I didn't know anything about the powers of the characters. For example, the choice itself was the first time I heard about Anna being able to make a shield. (If it was mentioned earlier, I missed it, sorry.) The choice would be more meaningful if there were hints from discussion ahead of time with the party, or perhaps clues from what the MC knows about the paranormal, just, something to go on.
I was also disturbed by the lack of input from other characters before making the choice, ie. "Anna, go be bait." Anna: "U-uh, I dunno...." But, that aspect is much less important than giving clues about the choices so that they're meaningful. Then I could feel like there's a reason I'm sending in Anna as bait as opposed to any other plan.
I'd also like to know if there are advantages/disadvantages to killing vs. exorcising, even though in the beginning you don't have the option yet. It seemed potentially quite interesting, but only once I understand why I might choose one over the other.

A few more minor points:
--I liked the description of cobwebs on the door to the room. It was a nice detail to show that the room hadn't been used in ages.
--When we see the principal for the second time, she says something about being on "her property," but the background is the school (ie. not her property). Are we at the school, or at her house or something?
--I was confused when the main characters talked about being homeless. Was that building/shrine their home? If so, why did the redhead have to explain its background to them?
--I liked the choice of music and it successfully set the mood, although some of the musical changes were sudden. You've got the right idea, just work on making the transitions smoother.
--I'm very curious about the new character introduced at the end.

Keep working on it, and I hope you get finished soon! Kudos for getting at least a demo released.

[TheHappyAsylum]

I played through your demo and I have some feedback for you.

I really liked the background art. They all looked very nice and I liked the colors. The sprites were cool, too... I think my favorite was Jiing. They were problematic, though, in that they did not feel like they go together. They are done in very different styles. I liked them individually, but they felt out of place with each other. Also, the edges around the redhead really need to be cleaned up.

The technique of starting the story with the little girl (the victim) worked well, although for awhile I thought "Victom" was her name! The spelling and grammar errors are, unfortunately, very distracting. Definitely get a proofreader on this!

Having portraits for each character was good, but I'd also like to see a name tag; I found myself losing track of who people were talking to. (I'm not good with names, so I definitely can use guidance! By the end I learned James and Jiing, but not the redhead, MC, or principal.) I was also confused about the ??? at the beginning. I thought the lady (the principal) was a separate person from the ???, but later it seemed ??? was her. Is there a reason we didn't know her name (or, more importantly, her title) at the start? Did the MC just start randomly talking to her without knowing who she was?

I think it's pretty cool to have extra features like the e-mail and other things you'll be able to do when the game is complete. The explanation about the e-mail was very timely and straightfoward -- you made it easy for me to understand. The mention of the bestiary and other options is well-done, too, although you should have a different style for buttons referring to options that are still locked at any given point. (Or, have a bit of text on the button saying "locked" -- that way, you won't end up clicking on it only to see it's not available.) BTW, it is spelled "bestiary."
It also seemed a bit odd that the mailbox stayed active during certain scenes. Presumably the character is checking e-mail on his mobile, but he's not going to do it, say, during a climactic battle, so I don't think the player should have the option, either. It breaks immersion. Also, the e-mail was a bit hard to read... I think black text would probably work better here than white, especially if the background is a few shades lighter.

I liked the comedic side of the choices ("Jiing, get your butt out here!", haha). However, gameplay-wise, it was a problem that there didn't seem to be any way to know which choices would be good or bad. I mean, the choice I just mentioned for Jiing is obviously comedic, but the other two choices, from my point of view as a player, were arbitrary. The same with going left or right, or even forming a plan for battle.

I knew that "brute force" would be the wrong way to go for battle because I am genre-savvy... that is, I know that brute force has a reputation for not being strategic, so I thought this choice would be bad because it has a reputation for being bad... not because I knew anything about the strengths or weaknesses of the characters or the monster. There are some cases, after all, where brute force would be a good choice for battle. For the rest of the options, it was just outright guessing. Again, as a player, I didn't know anything about the powers of the characters. For example, the choice itself was the first time I heard about Anna being able to make a shield. (If it was mentioned earlier, I missed it, sorry.) The choice would be more meaningful if there were hints from discussion ahead of time with the party, or perhaps clues from what the MC knows about the paranormal, just, something to go on.
I was also disturbed by the lack of input from other characters before making the choice, ie. "Anna, go be bait." Anna: "U-uh, I dunno...." But, that aspect is much less important than giving clues about the choices so that they're meaningful. Then I could feel like there's a reason I'm sending in Anna as bait as opposed to any other plan.
I'd also like to know if there are advantages/disadvantages to killing vs. exorcising, even though in the beginning you don't have the option yet. It seemed potentially quite interesting, but only once I understand why I might choose one over the other.

A few more minor points:
--I liked the description of cobwebs on the door to the room. It was a nice detail to show that the room hadn't been used in ages.
--When we see the principal for the second time, she says something about being on "her property," but the background is the school (ie. not her property). Are we at the school, or at her house or something?
--I was confused when the main characters talked about being homeless. Was that building/shrine their home? If so, why did the redhead have to explain its background to them?
--I liked the choice of music and it successfully set the mood, although some of the musical changes were sudden. You've got the right idea, just work on making the transitions smoother.
--I'm very curious about the new character introduced at the end.

Keep working on it, and I hope you get finished soon! Kudos for getting at least a demo released.

Thank you very much for your feedback! It was actually very helpful I have been working on showing the names beside the portraits, but as of now I cant seem to find anything that will work. (The redhead is Anna, and The main Character is Ango, by the way! ) The sprites that I am using are from a free source, which is why the art isn't all the same BUT I plan on creating my own sprites for the final release! This should clear up that problem. They didn't know the name of the principal when first meeting her, I think I need to make that more clear hahaha. And On the locked features.. *facepalm* of course I should fix that! And the music, I'm going to try and make it transition better, but again, I will need to find something that can be helpful with that. The choices being a bit up to random choice, I played through and understand it was a bit to.....difficult. But the fighting system, I am playing around with I didn't have the time or the patience to add in an actual one yet hahaha but there will be one! Spelling errors, I need someone to go back for me and proofread so this is duley noted dear! All of your feedback is very helpful so thank you! I'll be polishing the game over the course of these days after I finish my new sprites.

[arachni42]

You're welcome -- I'm glad my feedback was helpful! Have you tried asking about the side images in the Ren'Py Q&A forum? It seems like one of those things someone somewhere ought to be able to answer. Yeah, the free source thing does explain the sprites -- I suspected that was the case, but wasn't sure.
When you introduce the principal, you can have her name be "Principal" until the characters learn her actual name. And yeah, it's challenging to set up good choices that aren't random. There are techniques like, "There is a fork in the road. To the left is a dark, menacing swamp full of alligators. To the right is a sunny path through a meadow. Choice: Left or right?" Then the player knows they should probably go right, unless they are alligator hunting. ^_^ Or have characters comment on things that might be a hint, like "Captain, I don't think our missles would be able to penetrate the subspace barrier surrounding the graviton particle anomaly." That way the player would know missles would not be effective. (Except, of course, tune it to your genre.)
A battle system sounds cool, but I definitely don't blame you for not doing one for NaNo! It'll probably take a lot of time to design/implement, although ultimately fun.

I'd say proofreading is your top priority right now. You could catch a significant number of errors in something like Word or a browser spellchecker. The rest you'd need someone to look over, but you could recruit someone here or in the recruitment thread.

Good luck! =)