Lemma Soft Forums

• • • • SYNOPSIS
        

        • • • Hart Elwood and Julia Elwood used to be a fierce pair of adventurers, roaming the lands for guts and glory and making a name for themselves. Naturally, then, when they finally decided to settle down due to Julia being with child, one of their old enemies/rivals decided to pay them a visit. Well, this turned into that, and Reia the witch decided to curse their unborn child with the inability to feel emotions.
              
              It... caused an interesting side effect.
              
              Since he was little, Dian Elwood not only saw people as they were physically, but could also see the manifestation of their souls. Guilt hanging on their shoulders, insecurities, hidden personalities-- he could see them all, albeit in a form that was vague and needed to be deciphered. Of course, this coupled with his curse didn't really make him inclined to make friends, nor for others to try to get to know him.
              
              That is, until a month before his 20th birthday. Apparently, there was a second part to his curse that his parents didn't tell him about before their deaths: If he couldn't learn to love by the time he turns twenty, the curse would turn him into a grotesque monster. Now's he's stuck in a backwater town, trying the strange thing called "romance" for the first time in his life.

        MAIN CHARACTERS
        

        • • DIAN ELWOOD | 19 | Male
            A blunt, whimsical, socially-inappropriate mercenary who's trying to "learn how to love". Wishy-washy, driveless, and quite bland in general, people often find it a chore to talk to him, since he doesn't really understand empathy at all. Perhaps he would have had friends before if he tried at least a little to act like other people, but until he heard about the second part to his curse, he really didn't care. At least now he's sort of trying to change.
          • ELIAS OSBORNE | 21 | Male
            The village librarian and local shut-in. Elias is a friendly enough fellow, but he often says things he doesn't mean. He tries to play himself off as a "cool intellectual", but he's easy to rile up and tease. He hasn't left the library or his adjoined house for three years, and although the other villagers give him their leftover food frequently, he often forgets to eat himself.
            Dian: "He's pretty brutally honest."
          • SHARON DOYLE | 19 | Female
            An outgoing and energetic adventurer who, much like Dias, is staying in the village temporarily as a little break from dungeon diving. She likes to run errands for the villagers and offers her help whenever she can, because it "builds character". A caring individual that considers everyone around her.
            Dian: "She tries too hard."

        PROGRESS
        

        • • • CONCEPT ART: 10%
              SPRITES: 0%
              BACKGROUNDS: 0%
              CG ART: 0%
              
              STORY OUTLINE: 10%
              INTRO SCRIPT: 0%
              NEUTRAL ROUTES: 0%
              ELIAS ROUTES: 0%
              SHARON ROUTES: 0%
              
              PROGRAMMING: 0%
              MUSIC: 0%
              SOUND FX: 0%

        COMMENTS
        

        • • • 3/2/2016 | Ah, uh, hello! This is my first time seriously trying to make a VN and also first time participating in NaNoReNo, so please treat me kindly! Haha. Any comments, critiques, and suggestions are very very appreciated! Maybe it'll actually motivate me to work on this idea instead of letting it waste away on my computer for eternity lol. Everything about this is pretty tentative at the moment (since I came up with this idea like 2 days ago), and it's almost 1am for me so I'm going to leave it like this for now, but have some (temporary) character designs of Dian and Elias for now. Please tell me what you think! <3
              
              

Interesting story, I especially like how Dian can see people's souls. I'm intrigued by what Elias' soul/monster could mean (also stoked to Sharon's because she reminds me of me ). Best of luck and I hope you finish!

Ooooh sounds interesting. Good luck!

I think this is really interesting but you went into a complicated territory. Someone uncapable of feeling emotions it's not just "bland". They are usually merciless, manipulative and dangerous, pretending to be extremly sociable and looking charming and charismatic.
Did he apreciate his parents? Was he just using them as survival tools?
Is he hard to befriend or is it that everyone could die and he wouldn't care?

I think you have a good idea but needs to be polished a little. How about this instead: The curse didn't make him unable to feel emotions since born but instead was killing his hability to feel them over time; He loved his parents. He was a little hard to aproach as a friend but he was a good kid once you got to know him. His parents wont tell him about the curse, hoping that once puberty hits he ll be able to fall for someone and break the curse, but as he keeps getting more and more numb, that never happens. With their last breath, his parents explain to them that the time limit is the day of his 20th aniversary, the day he will lose him emotions and humanity forever and become a real monster, a psycopath. Someone capable of manipulating, using and killing whoever stays in their way in order to achieve whatever he wants.
The only chance for him to avoid that is to find someone who is capable of touching his heart and bring back all those emotions he was once capable of feeling and were forgoten.
This is my take on the story, if you dislike it just ignore it completly and continue with what you had planned, that's completly okay!

Side Comment: I just finished my degree in videogame developement, and I'm really good at finding loopholes in story, character and design, and also providing solutions. I'm like a beta tester but for design instead of mechanics, haha.
If you need any review or feedback with the script, lore or whatever, be sure to message me because I'd love to help you with this project.