I have pretty mixed feelings about this VN. I was initially super excited for it and I really wanted to enjoy it, but there were a lot of things that fell flat for me.
First things first, all of the art was absolutely gorgeous and you guys did a wonderful job on it, I won't take that away from you. But on that note, I wish there was more of it. There was no character portrait for Roman, no CGs, and Parker and Eris were less expressive than I would have liked. I
can understand the lack of art assets given the fact that this was a NaNo project and what you did was incredibly high quality, but it's something to think about in the future; sometimes it's worth sacrificing a little bit of quality to add more variety.
The same can be said for your music - it was beautiful, and I love jazz, but there were distinct gaps where there was no music. This, however, I would wager a guess was caused by a programming slip-up and wasn't intentional, since none of the tracks ever looped. This caused stretches of time that I think probably lasted up to 20 minutes where the game was entirely silent. Silence in a game can work just fine when used sparingly, but long stretches like that with little purpose to them don't do much for me.
The writing ended up being what fell flat the most for me. Initially, I was intrigued and interested by the story and the world that you'd built, and for probably the first hour or so (?) of my two-and-a-half-hour playthrough I was still reading enthusiastically. However, after a certain point, probably around the time that Eris' plan to revamp the electronics system failed, there is an entire block of time where I literally cannot remember what happened to develop the plot, and I finished playing less than an hour ago. I can vaguely remember the two of them having multiple conversations outside in the alley on their smoke breaks, but the only ones that I actually remember are the one where they really came at each other, and the last one, where
Eris pays Roman for his work.
This makes me think, as a reader, that a lot of what happened in between those two points was unnecessary and/or drawn out to the point where it felt like I was rereading things that had already been established. It dragged to the point that I couldn't bring myself to play again for another ending - I might do so eventually, but I just wanted to be finished with the game.
It also didn't help that the two leads were total dicks to each other. This isn't bad on its own, and it could have potentially made for some great character development, but the characters don't really seem to change in their personalities or their attitudes towards each other. Eris does eventually apologize, but the events leading up to that apology make it feel very abrupt, and Roman never really apologizes to Eris. You could make the argument that she was worse than he was, but I still think that both of them said things that warranted apologies, and the fact that neither of them really showed their better sides throughout the VN made both of them pretty unlikable, at least to me.
That brings me to my last point. Given that I rather disliked both Roman and Eris as characters, Parker was actually my favorite character, hands-down. This is another complaint that can be explained away somewhat with the NaNo time constriction, and it's really more of a personal preference than anything else, but I loved his almost paternal relationship with Roman and I really would have liked to see that expanded upon. Parker struck me as the kind of boss that pretends that everything's all about business, but in reality cares more than he lets on about the welfare of his employees. This becomes pretty obvious when he continues to stick his nose in Roman's business, especially the night of the whiskey tasting, but it was only ever Parker taking the initiative to help Roman out. I would have been interested to see Roman eventually seek Parker's advice out himself, maybe talk things over with him after an argument with Eris (of which there were plenty). I get that Roman is the type who tries to do everything himself and it would be a bit out of character for him, but I think that would have made the moment ultimately more meaningful, and it would have stopped Parker from falling to the wayside as much as he did during the second half of the VN.
All in all, there was definitely a lot of potential for this VN and I don't necessarily feel as if I wasted my time playing it, but there was a lot that went untapped here and I think ultimately it could have been better. Still, I look forward to seeing how you guys improve on your next release. And hey, whatever my complaints, you guys still got something out for NaNoRenO, which is a
huge accomplishment. Be proud of yourselves. c:
