The Witch and the Fairy (Comedy, Fantasy, Psychological)

Because less is more: Noncommercial games of < 1 hour playtime and < 2 month development time.
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Rensuka
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The Witch and the Fairy (Comedy, Fantasy, Psychological)

#1 Post by Rensuka » Sun Jul 17, 2016 9:50 pm

The Witch and the Fairy
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Our story follows the daily life of Sophie. A lonely witch who lives with her best friend Bella, a fairy with intense mood swings!

Game
The Witch and the Fairy is a simple, static, 30 to 60 minute story which takes place deep in the woods.
vn.PNG
Do NOT call Bella a "Pixie"!
About
This is the second VN I've been involved in, but the first I've ever written by myself! So I have no idea if this will be any good ><;
I've created a small demo of the story I have thus far and would love to hear any feedback anyone has. This is still very much a WIP and I still have to add a lot more things like more sound fx etc.
I hope to have most of the story written with-in the next two weeks.

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Miss Skizzors
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Re: The Witch and the Fairy (Comedy, Fantasy, Psychological)

#2 Post by Miss Skizzors » Mon Jul 25, 2016 1:28 am

Hi there! Here's a list of criticisms on your game, despite me not having released any information on my own first project yet:

(Warning: Minor Spoilers Inside)
1) Main Menu - I'm sure you're already aware, and this is a WIP project, but I figured I'd point out that you need something a little nicer than just a plain brown menu page.
2) Adjust Sound Effect Volume - For example, while I probably should've lowered my sound a little anyway, when it mentions how quiet it is while Sophia is walking... well, I don't really want to be deafened by the sound of her walking through the grass. Make sense?
3) "IMSORRYI'LLNEVERGOBACKTHEREAGAINYOURMYBESTFRIEND" - *IMSORRYI'LLNEVERGOBACKTHEREAGAINYOU'REMYBESTFRIEND (Grammar issue, *you're, if you can't tell)
4) It Could Do With Some Credits - This can wait until you've finished the project, but particularly if you're going to use a lot of CC stuff, you should really keep track until then.
5) Magical Effects - It's nothing big, but I think some kind of starlight effect when Bella attacks the orc would be nice. It doesn't need to be anything too fancy, of course, but something to add to the scene.
I think that's all I have to say in terms of criticism, but I'm interested to see what kind of direction you choose to take this story in. The (platonic, seemingly,... and kind of hopefully due to "size issues") relationship between Sophia and Bella is pretty cute, so I'd suggest trying to keep that as consistent as you can, but hiccups and road bumps in their friendship are welcomed too.

Good luck with the rest of your project. :)

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Rensuka
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Re: The Witch and the Fairy (Comedy, Fantasy, Psychological)

#3 Post by Rensuka » Mon Jul 25, 2016 8:54 pm

Miss Skizzors wrote:Hi there! Here's a list of criticisms on your game, despite me not having released any information on my own first project yet:

(Warning: Minor Spoilers Inside)
1) Main Menu - I'm sure you're already aware, and this is a WIP project, but I figured I'd point out that you need something a little nicer than just a plain brown menu page.
2) Adjust Sound Effect Volume - For example, while I probably should've lowered my sound a little anyway, when it mentions how quiet it is while Sophia is walking... well, I don't really want to be deafened by the sound of her walking through the grass. Make sense?
3) "IMSORRYI'LLNEVERGOBACKTHEREAGAINYOURMYBESTFRIEND" - *IMSORRYI'LLNEVERGOBACKTHEREAGAINYOU'REMYBESTFRIEND (Grammar issue, *you're, if you can't tell)
4) It Could Do With Some Credits - This can wait until you've finished the project, but particularly if you're going to use a lot of CC stuff, you should really keep track until then.
5) Magical Effects - It's nothing big, but I think some kind of starlight effect when Bella attacks the orc would be nice. It doesn't need to be anything too fancy, of course, but something to add to the scene.
I think that's all I have to say in terms of criticism, but I'm interested to see what kind of direction you choose to take this story in. The (platonic, seemingly,... and kind of hopefully due to "size issues") relationship between Sophia and Bella is pretty cute, so I'd suggest trying to keep that as consistent as you can, but hiccups and road bumps in their friendship are welcomed too.

Good luck with the rest of your project. :)
Thanks a lot! :) I appreciate the feedback and will definitely work on the volume & grammar issues. Until I can make proper credits, to avoid breaking any CC rules, I did embed a file in the game called Attribution.txt which holds all the info about the music and works I've used. Also, I hope to only keep the CC stuff in there as place holders and am trying to look for someone who could do some music or art. Yes, Bella and Sophie will have a platonic relationship but the nature of their relationship will be revealed over the course of the story. Anyway I am very grateful for your suggestions! I look forward to playing through your story! :3

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