I haven't gotten all 7 endings, just 1-4. I'm missing over ten CGs, so I feel very unqualified to review the game, but I've been trying every combination of the choices, and I'm just getting the same stuff over and over, so if someone gets endings 5-7, please fill me in!
Here are some of my thoughts:
- The story is very unique and I love it. I was confused at first. I didn't make the connection between the clone and Youji, and thought there was going to be a 3rd character, but it never happened. I didn't feel the transition to the flashback was clear enough. I think there was a LIGHT fluffy white border, but not noticeable enough, fades or not ... >_< Maybe I'm just stupid.
- Is Yukina a clone herself? She seems like a test tube baby, or supernatural in some way. (The sound effects made it seem like her body was acting weird -- and the crazy-eyed graphic when she threatens the dog confused me -- but now I know it was just stylistic to make her look really mad.) Acting like she doesn't have feelings or know what love is ... surely she would encounter these feelings if she went to public school or just in general went out into society? Being an orphan doesn't automatically make people insensitive like that, I don't think. Maybe I'm missing something from her backstory. What happened before Kouichi found her to make her like that (did the loss of her family make her repress her feelings)? If she is very reclusive and worked too much in the laboratory, maybe you should say so? Or, maybe again, I have missed it. >_>
Anyway, I loved how it's still a "falling in love" story, even though she's already dating him in the beginning of it. It's innocent, pure love. Which chicks dig, apparently.
- Some of the wording was odd to me, of course. BUT, I am glad that I was able to understand it and play it in English, so I won't complain. But since this is just a catalogue of my thoughts, please take these as just my opinion and not necessary the "right" thing to do:
- The word "lovers" is used a lot. Way more than any English user typically would, and not in the context that it is being used for. I assume it is the translation of koibito, which makes perfect sense, but in English "lovers" implies sex. Like, you're having sex, so you're lovers. I think "girlfriend", "boyfriend", and "dating" are way more appropriate here for you. It will be slightly harder to insert because it depends on the gender you are talking about. "You must be his girlfriend." "He must be your boyfriend." Though most naturally, he would say: "You must date him." And: "We are lovers." --> "We are dating." But I understood what you were trying to say, so it's not that big of a deal.
- I kept reading "sama" as in "Kouichi sama" as a separate word and it was troublesome. Usually, English users put a hyphen (-) or just combine the title with the name: "Kouichi-sama" or "Kouichisama" to keep it from seeming like a completely separate word. Which brings me to ...
- They're obviously Japanese and in Japan. I suppose it is a stylistic decision to keep them saying "sama", though I never heard a "kun" or "san" anywhere else. And the random Japanese like "sayonara" and "baka" seemed out of place. While I and other Japan-nerds will know what it means, it will alienate those that don't. Like having to set my computer's default language to Japanese, this will limit your audience again. I'm not sure how much you care -- if you made the game bilingual because you care about reaching more players with your story or if you wanted to practice your English. I'm not sure, so take what you can from that.
- The dog scene. I didn't really like how I had to chase the dog to get any good ending. Does she actually hurt the dog? It's hard to tell what is happening from speech alone. Youji comments about her aggressive personality, and all I can picture is her actually hurting the dog. And that's not nice. Though I see where you're going. Maybe if you make it seem like she's playing tug-of-war or is chasing it put cannot catch it?
- In ending #4, Yukina kisses Youji and likes it, and she says something like, "I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it's sweet." What I liked about the previous kiss scenes is that she felt her own heart beat. So I want her to describe how she feels! She can still say "I don't know how to describe it" ... "BUT, my heart is ___, my body is ____, and I want to ____ forever." You know?
- I liked your use of sound effects. A lot of VNs ignore this and I think it adds so much to a story. It was a little weird when the music cut out to play a sound effect, making the emphasis on the sound more important than it should be (the whooshing sound made me wonder what was happening at that time. I guess it just represents a "sweeping" feeling? Like rose petals in the wind? lol) Your game engine didn't let me skip through some of the SFX, however, and that was annoying, especially after trying to play through it so much to get all the endings.
- Music was awesome. Good selection.
I've gotten a good ending for Youji, but I was trying to get Kouichi, which I guess I did. I just didn't feel satisfied by that ending. ^^; Maybe Ending 5, 6, or 7 is what I want, but I don't know how to get there. Oh well!
Overall, great game! I'm glad you decided to make an English version and to share it with us. I would have been very sad if you had not translated it. English otome games are in high demand, and so little are actually being made. So let us stick together and make good games for each other! :3
I do recommend Ren'Py if you're open to change. It's the best system for VNs I've come across. And it's the most flexible, too. It's really darn good. So if you make your next game in it, know we'll be here to give you support!
