Hey azurextwilight! Long-time fan, first-time poster here! I just finished the demo of Doppelganger and I have a lot to say about it.
I <3 Lee. At first, I found him kinda creepy since he's your stalker-ish childhood friend, a type I don't really like because it usually feels pushed on to you. Ironically, as he got creepier, I warmed up to him more. Maybe it's because I have a thing for yanderes, not just creepy people.
Clifford's cool too. Usually, I don't like teasing, mysterious guys because their constant cryptic hinting gets on my nerves. But Clifford's teasing was quiet enough for me to tolerate instead of get irritated over. Although he reminded me more of Russia from APH than Clifford the big red dog.
Raphael's too cheery to not like. He's just so adorkable, especially he takes a nap standing up while you guys are getting a lecture. It kinda broke my heart when
the epilogue showed that his legs get broken and he can't lead the basketball team to the national tournament.
Blake was alright to me. He was lazy and a little pushy when it came to his opinion on the essay, but other than that, he didn't really stand out to me. Well, other than the fact that he was kinda cute. <3
Yuri... Eh... Maybe's just my taste in characters, but I didn't really like him. Especially after the way he treats Lucia in the beginning.
I know that the player character should be flat to some extent to let the player put themselves in their shoes, but Lucia doesn't really feel like how you describe her. You call her
a snobbish girl who only thinks of herself but the only people I find her really cold toward are Anastasia and Blake. Even then, it's understandable because Anastasia is a bully and Blake is incredibly lazy. She's polite toward everyone else, even if she's a little reserved.
I'm really interest in Jun and Shuang. Jun looks like she has a few things to hide, especially after dragging you back to the school for a pencil case full of... pencils (and a *suspicious* pin.) Shuang is just adorable, especially when
interacting with mystery!guy in the epilogue. Is this a new OTP I smell?
She reminds me of Nunally from Code Geass, so my theory is that she's the motivation for another character. I hope Shuang doesn't turn into a hapless damsel in distress though.
I understand that this is only a demo right now, but some of the mistakes with writing were really jarring. I know you don't have a proofreader yet but I can't help but nitpick and take notes. I included my full notes as a file because posting it here felt too long. I hope you don't mind.
Most of the mistakes I labelled as 'grammar' are just inconsistencies in tense. I couldn't tell if you were trying to write in present or past tense or if you were switching back and forth between scenes. If I'm wrong in any of my grammar/tense notes, just ignore me. But as a general note in the future, try to keep whatever tense you write in clear and constant, even if you switch back and forth in certain scenes like flashbacks or whatever.
The stuff that's in asterisks are my reactions and errors that didn't have anything to do with writing, like the wrong image showing up.
But overall, this was a fun demo to play! Thank you for releasing it for us~
P.S: Will Doppelganger turn into a series? The sub-title 'Dawn of the Inverted Souls' reminds me a lot of the sub-titles of the Fantasia series...