Poems?

[lordcloudx]

Hay guyz! I feel like there's not enough literary threads in the forums so I thought I'd start one. Feel free to give critique, analysis, insights, literary deconstruction or whatever else floats your boat. These are a few poems of mine. The top one is new while Sand Crystals is pretty old.

Also, I'd love to see other people share their own prose/poetry/verses/short chunks of text with cryptic messages/whatever you want to call em too.


Complicating
By lordcloudx

Soft and round they swirled in flight,
Seemingly innocent in their actions,
Three dancing balls of light,
Sparked the moment of creation,
Purple swayed soft and light,
Green stabbed with indecision,
As Brown blended into the night,
Soft and round they danced with passion,
Moving with mischievous delight,
And the world revolved in this fashion.


Sand Crystals
By:Cloud^

Beneath the sands you hide your shine,
Yet, you are a testament to the changing times,
You are silent for you know and see,
The cruel place this world can be,
So you prefer to be on your own,
To dream and dream again alone,
You never will but if you only knew,
That there are many who dream like you,
Because you are and have always been,
A crystal sparkling beneath the sands unseen.

I've got a few older ones, but I'll have to dig them up somewhere in my computer if I want to post them. I plan to add these to fictionpress eventually. I'd post more often if the interface for that site wasn't so clunky.

[Showsni]

I was trying to remember all the definitions we were taught in English. Couldn't fit metaphor in, obviously... Not allowed an M... (And sibilance demonstrates itself better than simile!)

Autologically

Autologically Awfully Alliterative
Containing Cunning Consonance
Rhyme all the time
Onomatopoeia crashes in! Smash!
Sibiliance sashays softly songwards
Theme: poetical devices!
Idioms as merry as the day is long
Complete the couplet to finish the song.

[KomiTsuku]

I'm afraid I've never been too talented at poetry. Too much set in meanings and hidden symbology for me. I agree on the lack of literary threads in the skill development, however. For as many people as I see claiming that they aren't very good at English, there's not nearly as much effort in getting better as there is in art.

Anywho, rant over. Sand Crystals is a solid piece, but it feels like it trips up at the end. I'm not sure that [been/unseen] really fits the AB flow, and unseen just feels superfluous and throws off the smooth flow. However, it does fall kinda flat without something there. Hmmmm... I dunno.

There are two things in Complicating that strike me as off. Green seems to be highly metaphorical while the other two seem to just be actions. Indecision is really the word that is bugging me. The other thing is innocent/mischievous. They allure to something behind the dancing lights, but there really isn't anything of actual sustenance behind it. I can see it intending to leave much to the imagination, but it feels like there needs to be a tad more bait on the hook.

As I said, I'm not very good with poetry. Take it as you will.

[Auro-Cyanide]

I just like rhyming things No hidden meanings and such things. They usually happen by accident. As such, I'm not particularly good at reading into poetry.

Beware the Fae that stalk the night
and those that walk the day.
They will trick you just for spite
and steal your breath away.

[YuukiCrossPudding]

I love to write lyrics but don't know if that's similar with poem
and my messed up grammar.. ugh
so.. is this called a poem?? orz

Pain

As the pain killed me
I can't stand to share
How much I love to die
So I can stay alive

Pain which I can't see
May I touch your eye?
emotionless just like a corpse
I can't feel anymore

Do I know you?
captured my soul and trap it inside
into the dark where I can't see
Still I feel you. Pain.

[Watercolorheart]

There's so many different KINDS of poems and you can't judge the standards of one by another.

There's poetry that's freeform, there's ballads, there's rhymes and nonrhyming, there's song-style poetry meant to be adlibbed, and then there's super strict meter considerations as well.

I don't know if this is something that can accurately be interpreted. We had a round robin writing thread on another forum once where everyone would C&C the piece and then take their turn.

When someone posted a poem and refused to take ANY criticism but defended each point vehemently as artistic and valid even though it was a terrible poem, the thread exploded into drama and died horribly.

Most people don't go out of their way to find good poetry or study it or learn to write it. I've take about 3 classes on it and I know how to do it but I rarely do so, so I never feel qualified to criticize anyone else.