(P)lanets - the life of normalcy has ended!

[teacup]

@ixWishing
Thank you so much! ^^ I promise you'll see more from me in the future!
@Funnyguts
I've added a linux version to the first post

[Muse]

Hey Teacup! I'm back having played more. I haven't nearly gone through all of the game yet, but I really like what I've seen so far. I figured I would at least show you some typing errors I found so far, though:

"Haru and I attempt to make out way through the crowded hallways. They're always really busy during the start of lunch, with students trying to decide to do during our free period."
The end part should be "with students trying to decide what to do during our free period."

There also is point where Haru uses third person when referring to Marin, but I think first person would be better, since it isn't obvious who he is talking to other than you (so why would he use third person?):
"She's awake! Thank God, I was so worried!" (So change "She's" to "You're".)

“Marin is already fifteen, and can’t even cook yet. She’ll never be bride!” should be “She’ll never be a bride!”

“After running, my school comes into site within one minute.”
Site should be sight. (I think you know this but "site" is a place, where as "sight" refers to seeing.)

Kaius’ name shows up before he actually introduces himself. Then it goes back to Boy.

When talking about joint-teleportation, Marin says “Join… teleportation?” I wasn’t sure if this was on purpose or a typing error.

“I jog to catch up with him. Since he’s taller than me by several inches, he takes long, lithe strides that propels him ahead.” “Propels” should be “propel” him in this case.

“As if noticing me for the first time, Ryuu looks over at me and smiles.” However, he has not introduced himself via first name, so "Ryuu" should be "he".

“My name is Takishima Ryuu~”
This is fine, but I noticed when others talk normally after the ~ you put a punctuation mark, so for consistency you probably want to put a period or exclamation point here after the ~.

“They become even bluer than before and seem to be glowing unnaturally.” Should be
“They became even more blue than before and seem to be glowing unnaturally.” since Marin noticed it a second before "become" should be "became", and "bluer" is a word that means "a color between green and violet/indigo", not "more blue".

“His punch seems to have hit Ryuu directly in the face, but before it makes impact, Ryuu disappears in a flash.”
I recommend changing it to “His punch seems like it will hit Ryuu directly in the face, but before it makes impact, Ryuu disappears in a flash.”

“Relax, Kaius. Can’t you use your psych to get us back?”
“Absolutely no.”
"No" should be "not".

“If you don’t have any better ideas, I think we should go west.”
“……..fine.” Fine should be capitalized.

“Climbing up the mountainous region is tiring, and my whole body aches and is sticky with perspiration.”
“The mountainous region” should be “this mountainous region.”

“Damn it, Ryuu. The academy is no where in site.” "Site" should be "sight."

“And finally, in the near distance I see a building.”
I would personally either use “And finally, nearby I see a building.”


A couple minor things unrelated to writing:

When she first gains her powers, I found it odd that she didn’t hear what Haru was thinking at all. Or didn’t remark on it, since she was hearing the others just fine. Also a tad odd that her mom acts so nice to Haru (giving him a spare key and such) but not to her own daughter.

I absolutely adore the character artwork, and the number of CGs is impressive. Also, I got the impression from your previous reply English is not your first language? If that is the case: You really do write it like a native! The mistakes are all tiny, and most people make them. Given how difficult English is, congrats!

The music is amazing too. I love it.


So I really am enjoying the game! Thank you for all of your time and hard work on it! Sorry I haven't been able to go through all of it, been busy, but I hope the corrections help! (Sorry if there are too many! I tend to go into editing mode when reading.) It really is great fun to play, and a very charming game. I definitely an looking forward to see what you make in the future!

[lepapillonrouge]

Even if I ignore it, it won't let me get past that part ;w;

[Blue Lemma]

Hmm, I started playing this about an hour ago, and I have to say I'm impressed I'm not much of a GxB fan, but I'm having fun. Nice UI and attention to visual detail. Also a good choice to have Marin's pic in the textbox - gives me something cute to look at with all these bishies everywhere

I'm thinking this is quite an idealized and sanitized view of what guys really think... ^_^;;;; If this were real, I bet Marin would've locked herself in the school restroom already! ...But then I guess Ruiko would be sent in to fish her out.

update: nooooo Ruiko being shy cheated me out of my (not seriously expected) locker room fanservice moment! For shame!
another update: I got the Ryuu ending first, but I wanted a Haruhi ending because he's the hottest guy because I can imagine him as a girl, and this is why I'm probably not your target audience

Hmmm, I couldn't help but notice the hand placement with the position of these two sprites...

[Armyfyr]

I'm still playing the game, but I wish there was a MAJOR trigger warning for the scene with the delinquents and the victim blaming that goes on afterwards. Considering this game has about every other sexist Japanese trope in it, I should have seen it coming, however it totally killed the positive mood I had when playing it. That scene could seriously trigger some people to have panic attacks and the like.

I completely agree.

I'm a bit exhausted after a long night, so I'm not going to write a ten page-long review of the game; I'll just state that I'm rather disappointed in (P)lanets. I've only finished one path, Kaius', and very unlike me, I have no interest in playing it all the way through. Although I generally do enjoy otome-games very much, I do believe there is a fine line between something being a bit stereotypical and it being entirely clichéd and decidedly uninteresting. I've read through a bit of the thread, which, naturally, includes criticism - but it seems like you're not too fond of it, OP, constructive or not… Which I believe to be rather sad, since I'd think of it as the best way to improve, but I suppose it is understandable. I haven't seen anyone mentioning the heroine being a bit of a Mary-Sue, which is something that annoyed me a tad, both appearance,- and personality-wise. I did find her very uninspiring and even annoying at times, but tolerable. I did not enjoy the relationship between her and Kaius at all. It reminded me of Twilight

(him being a redheaded, dangerous killer and telling her to stay away constantly, despite of not being able to resist her in the end etc.)

which I do not think of as a positive attribute. Saying something along the lines of

"If I ever see you alone with another guy again, I'd probably kill him"

is not what I'd consider romantic - perhaps I'd categorize it as possessive and creepy, but not cute or sweet. I'd believe that to be romanticizing abuse. Using uncountably many (sexist, as mentioned before) tropes is one thing, but I found their relationship bizarre and unhealthy, even if he's a

~poor little boy~ that cannot control his psych.

I hope the other routes are less ridiculous, but to me, the guys just seemed very unentertaining and common. Like the red-haired tsundere, I've seen them so many places before. And I'm not even going to mention the blue-haired 13-year old cross dresser in a school uniform.

There's positive aspects too, of course; I thought the dialogue was relatively well-written and I mostly enjoyed the art, although it seemed a tad lazy at times (the father, for example, looked rather ridiculous). Honestly, I mostly prefer something that is more original and less typical, it's just not very recognizable - but that is a matter of taste. One of the reasons why I enjoyed Lucky Rabbit Reflex is that the art is such a fresh breath of air. Although it's definitely not one of the most well-made games, art-wise, it's just not as trivial at all.

But congratulations on finishing the game, which you should be very proud of. I apologize if you take offense to this, which I hope isn't the case. It's just my opinion, and I can see that many have enjoyed playing through it. I just thought that the plot, environment and characters had a lot more potential, which sadly, was wasted.

[Renaice]

Congrats in finishing this game!!!I have been waiting to play this game u can say Kaius Path i like his red hair and i like guys who are mean and maybe quiet and of course good looking.Oh oh the most important is i like the Kaius "I won't let anyone in".So Cool!!!Great Work!!!

[teacup]

In the process of uploading 2.0 now. I figured out why there were so many errors in the first version - I made a totally stupid mistake ;w;" /ditz
Will edit this post when I've finished uploading.
2.0 is up now.

@Muse
Thank you so much! I've corrected most of those errors in 2.0. If you continue playing, I appreciate if you point out anymore errors, as it's really helpful for me.
One thing though.

There also is point where Haru uses third person when referring to Marin, but I think first person would be better, since it isn't obvious who he is talking to other than you (so why would he use third person?):
"She's awake! Thank God, I was so worried!" (So change "She's" to "You're".)

That part was in italics, so those were actually Haruhi's thoughts, not his words.
Glad you're liking it so far!

@lepapillonrouge
Okay, this SHOULD be fixed in 2.0. I'm sorry you had this problem!

@Blue Lemma
XD; I promise you the position of their hands wasn't intentional. I may be perverted but you're the only one who thought that, so I think you're the naughty one here, Blue Lemma.

I got the Ryuu ending first, but I wanted a Haruhi ending because he's the hottest guy because I can imagine him as a girl, and this is why I'm probably not your target audience

lmao. Well I'm glad you gave it a shot anyway! XD Thanks for playing despite this not being your type of game.

@Armyfyr
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. :/ Thanks for at least trying it out.

@Renaice
Thanks!

[Celestie]

@Celestie
By the way, what exactly does a fandisk entail...? A few people asked for me to make one, so now I'm considering it. But I've never played one.

Ahem, neither have I though I do possess Starry Sky AFter Autumn FD now; but from what I have gathered it's an extension to the original game. It usually contains some extra story, some happpily ever after or of that sorts with the eligible guys. And usually, if there was some guy who was neglected in the original story, he might get a short path in there, too. Or a girl. Or...whoever could be eligible but was not in the original, you know xD Maybe also some alternatibe setting....

Ahaha, it's more of a joke to demand a Fandisk now since I am sure you are sick of making anything for this game for a while now. But one can hope 8D

[hyeonie]

Great game!^^
But actually I'm having a bit of a problem...
randomly in the middle of the game, it crashes--which doesn't really bother me because I'm thinking "oh well, I can just open it again and reload it"
but whenever I open the game again, all the parts I saved aren't there anymore..
so I gotta make a new game.. TT
this has happened like 4 times and I've re-downloaded the game 3 times~
I have yet to even get halfway through the game before it crashes >_<
doesn't look like anyone else has this problem..so could it be my computer? I've never had this problem before with other games. o_o

[teacup]

@Celestie

Ehh, seems like making an FD would be a bit hard XD; and you're right, I'm pretty sick of working on this game at the moment lol.

@hyeonie

Hmm, did you get an error report? Also, can you be a bit more specific on exactly where it crashes?

[hyeonie]

@Celestie

Ehh, seems like making an FD would be a bit hard XD; and you're right, I'm pretty sick of working on this game at the moment lol.

@hyeonie

Hmm, did you get an error report? Also, can you be a bit more specific on exactly where it crashes?

Yes it was an error report and I can't really tell you where it crashes because it just randomly crashes--like, there is no certain time or place it crashes. But I think my bigger concern is the fact that I can't save..
for example, I save my process and quit. Then I open the game up again to load my saved game but it's not there. All the saved files are gone. >_<

[sadness]

I just download it and now I am going strait for this red haired guy

[teacup]

@Celestie

Ehh, seems like making an FD would be a bit hard XD; and you're right, I'm pretty sick of working on this game at the moment lol.

@hyeonie

Hmm, did you get an error report? Also, can you be a bit more specific on exactly where it crashes?

Yes it was an error report and I can't really tell you where it crashes because it just randomly crashes--like, there is no certain time or place it crashes. But I think my bigger concern is the fact that I can't save..
for example, I save my process and quit. Then I open the game up again to load my saved game but it's not there. All the saved files are gone. >_<

Please post your error report so I can see what the problem is!
@sadness
Have fun!

[Omnificent]

In the interest of doing research for my own game with GxB elements, I've been playing a lot of otome games.

I like the concept of a secret school of psychics, and I kind of wish that'd been explored a little further. Teleportation, energy explosions, telekinesis, telepathy, phasing, suggestion? That's cool stuff. I wanted to see more stuff like that PE class or more power use in the fight scenes (Lucan seems like a peaceable guy, but he could have at least tried to use his telekinesis to break up the fight(s) between Kaius and his best friend).

The art was shoujotastic as can be expected of the genre, but not bad and there were a good amount of CGs. I did run into a crash when the protagonist went back to her house and the affection between love interests was exactly equal, which could probably be fixed by making Kaius points take priority over the others (I get the feeling he's the default love interest).

Speaking of Kaius, the thing I liked most about his route was being able to name a kitten Doomfist. I guess the cold offstandish jerk with an emo past and a soft side that emerges 2/3rds through the game is a staple of these games, but I can't get into that archetype. Lucan was kind of wishy-washy and forgettable until

BAM Bad End. I wish there'd been more hints of his needy and power-hungry side earlier, or him actively trying to hide what he'd done from the protagonist.

Out of the four I had the least sense of what was going on in his head.

Ryuu was cool, but his undying desire to see Kaius suffer seemed kind of out of character. Sure, the guy

accidentally almost-killed him, but isn't this the same guy who goes through life accepting that he might die at any moment?

And seemed amiable enough being next to Kaius in the prologue? Plus it's not like Kaius isn't already shunned and feared by most of the school populace. Ryuu seems more like someone who'd sock him in the face and let bygones be bygones, unless his grudge against Kaius is really just his jealousy at the protagonist spending so much time with him.

Haruhi was an interesting combination of the female best friend and the childhood friend. I guess he was my second-favorite, even if his rationale for crossdressing was kind of odd (Japaaaaaan!) It might've made more sense for more time to pass between

Protag leaving psychic school and Haruhi showing up with 20% more manliness, though. Growth spurts can be fast, but not that fast!

Some character/plot inconsistencies aside, not a bad game, especially for a first work.

[Yunome]

In the interest of doing research for my own game with GxB elements, I've been playing a lot of otome games.

I like the concept of a secret school of psychics, and I kind of wish that'd been explored a little further. Teleportation, energy explosions, telekinesis, telepathy, phasing, suggestion? That's cool stuff. I wanted to see more stuff like that PE class or more power use in the fight scenes (Lucan seems like a peaceable guy, but he could have at least tried to use his telekinesis to break up the fight(s) between Kaius and his best friend).

The art was shoujotastic as can be expected of the genre, but not bad and there were a good amount of CGs. I did run into a crash when the protagonist went back to her house and the affection between love interests was exactly equal, which could probably be fixed by making Kaius points take priority over the others (I get the feeling he's the default love interest).

Speaking of Kaius, the thing I liked most about his route was being able to name a kitten Doomfist. I guess the cold offstandish jerk with an emo past and a soft side that emerges 2/3rds through the game is a staple of these games, but I can't get into that archetype. Lucan was kind of wishy-washy and forgettable until BAM Bad End. I wish there'd been more hints of his needy and power-hungry side earlier, or him actively trying to hide what he'd done from the protagonist. Out of the four I had the least sense of what was going on in his head.

Ryuu was cool, but his undying desire to see Kaius suffer seemed kind of out of character. Sure, the guy accidentally almost-killed him, but isn't this the same guy who goes through life accepting that he might die at any moment? And seemed amiable enough being next to Kaius in the prologue? Plus it's not like Kaius isn't already shunned and feared by most of the school populace. Ryuu seems more like someone who'd sock him in the face and let bygones be bygones, unless his grudge against Kaius is really just his jealousy at the protagonist spending so much time with him.

Haruhi was an interesting combination of the female best friend and the childhood friend. I guess he was my second-favorite, even if his rationale for crossdressing was kind of odd (Japaaaaaan!) It might've made more sense for more time to pass between Protag leaving psychic school and Haruhi showing up with 20% more manliness, though. Growth spurts can be fast, but not that fast!

Some character/plot inconsistencies aside, not a bad game, especially for a first work.

Wahhh! This needs some spoiler tags. Like about

Ryuu's illness

and

Kaius's psyche

for starters.