Last Vacation (GXB)

[aestate]

This is so cute! The character of the aunt really amused me, the music was nice, and I'm super-impressed that you drew your backgrounds.

Rewritten Ennui brings up some pretty valid points, though; I also found it difficult at times to read the VN because of the amount of random Japanese phrases thrown in. Perhaps it would have been better to stop at honourifics. ;A; Also, while the dialogue is adorable, don't forget that editing is a important (albeit mindnumbingly dull) part of the writing process! I noticed quite a few sentences that were missing periods (and the grammar-nerd inside of me cried a little LOL)...

Having said this, I think you've made a solid first game, and I look forward to your next! <3

[pleasethinkofme]

I finally got it to work! haha, the dialogue is all very good...the only thing I would say needs to be different is that there should be more choices so that it can be more interactive, and the characters should be more finished looking. You see, there were some parts where I could literally see the background through the character. Plus, the fact that the youngest brother is six years younger than her is very strange almost to the point where he shouldn't be eligible. I mean...that's really creepy and illegal! O.o It would have also been nice if the aunt had her own sprite...but overall it was really good for your first game! I look forward to your next one ^.^

[facades]

This is so cute! The character of the aunt really amused me, the music was nice, and I'm super-impressed that you drew your backgrounds.

Rewritten Ennui brings up some pretty valid points, though; I also found it difficult at times to read the VN because of the amount of random Japanese phrases thrown in. Perhaps it would have been better to stop at honourifics. ;A; Also, while the dialogue is adorable, don't forget that editing is a important (albeit mindnumbingly dull) part of the writing process! I noticed quite a few sentences that were missing periods (and the grammar-nerd inside of me cried a little LOL)...

Having said this, I think you've made a solid first game, and I look forward to your next! <3

Thanks very much! I was too excited, or impatient, because it was my first VN and thus I didn't do a good job at editing. I'll improve on that (:
Thanks again for playing and commenting (:

[facades]

I finally got it to work! haha, the dialogue is all very good...the only thing I would say needs to be different is that there should be more choices so that it can be more interactive, and the characters should be more finished looking. You see, there were some parts where I could literally see the background through the character. Plus, the fact that the youngest brother is six years younger than her is very strange almost to the point where he shouldn't be eligible. I mean...that's really creepy and illegal! O.o It would have also been nice if the aunt had her own sprite...but overall it was really good for your first game! I look forward to your next one ^.^

I'm glad it worked (:
I'll improve the images too! Its my first time using photoshop, mostly experimenting with the various lines, brushes, colours, shades..
and Hikaru was the first person I drew so he really does look bad.. I should have touched up his image first before uploading the game..
ps: actually.. I got my idea about Hikaru being 6 years younger than Yumi from my parents, they're kinda.. like that.. hahaha (x
but its true that such relationships are rare..
Thanks again for playing and for your comments! (:

[facades]

I liked this game. Well I liked one path because I couldn't finish the game. When I'm in park with Keniichi or in library with Haru I can't end the path because the game crashes. The whole screen goes black and then it says that the game is not responding. Because of that I can't finish the game.

Oh dear, I'm sorry I do not know how to fix that right now,
but I'm hoping to make some improvements to the game when I can and will be re-uploading it,
maybe you can try downloading the game again next time

[SusanTheCat]

I'll improve the images too! Its my first time using photoshop, mostly experimenting with the various lines, brushes, colours, shades..
and Hikaru was the first person I drew so he really does look bad..

First games are like that.

Congratulations on your first game! I look forward to your second.

Susan

[pleasethinkofme]

I'm glad it worked (:
I'll improve the images too! Its my first time using photoshop, mostly experimenting with the various lines, brushes, colours, shades..
and Hikaru was the first person I drew so he really does look bad.. I should have touched up his image first before uploading the game..
ps: actually.. I got my idea about Hikaru being 6 years younger than Yumi from my parents, they're kinda.. like that.. hahaha (x
but its true that such relationships are rare..
Thanks again for playing and for your comments! (:

Ohhh I see, well I mean for your first time using photoshop that was really great! ^.^ I was especially impressed by the backgrounds and ahh, so your parents are 6 years apart? I guess it just seems weird for me since I'm 16... XD lol, so the guy would only be 10 years old O.o

[salis]

A pat on the back to you, facades, for completing your first visual novel! And once again for taking all of the critiques given to you so well. They’re all to help you improve, so here is my review of Last Vacation, too!

Story: Short and sweet with cute paths for all of the potential bachelors! And I enjoyed it being set in Japan despite it being a common choice. There were a few slightly awkward instances, (Such as when Keniichi flicked his finger onto Yumi’s forehead and calling her clumsy. In my opinion, that’s a bit of a bold response to someone he just met, let alone someone he’s supposed to be waiting on, so his character was hard to figure out at first.) but overall, the characters and how the story developed were well done.

Writing: Your grammar, for the most part, was correct, but there were a lot of missing periods, commas, and capitalization throughout the game. You might consider getting a proofreader for you next visual novel to help catch those mistakes. Including the typos such as “You’ve grown skinner since we last met!” and “Hikaru was carrying a pinic basket and a water tumbler along with him.” However, that didn’t stop me from enjoying your writing! Especially the humorous lines thrown in!
And as for the Romaji, I agree with the others that it’s best not to mix languages, but adding a few simple words like "Ohayo!" and honorifics would be fine since many people who haven't studied Japanese will know what they mean.

Visuals: Having drawn all the visuals for Last Vacation yourself, I commend you! It’s not easy doing all the jobs for a visual novel. But although the sprites themselves were good, watch out for halos and holes! Hikaru’s sprite has lines that are transparent, and it’s a bit distracting when looking at him. Also, for me, Hikaru and Daisuke look a bit too similar in design. As brothers, they should look alike, but I could almost mistake them for the same person. Try to be just a bit more varied in features for your sprites next time, and I think that would do wonders!

Sound: Although a little repetitive at times, the music fit each scene rather well, but I noticed there wasn’t a single sound effect. Sound effects can really add to a visual novel, (Hearing the birds in the park or the ducks quacking as they passed by would have really helped me visualize the wildlife that was described.) but it was still fine without them!

Overall, I enjoyed it! Not bad for your first try. And I really hope you continue to make visual novels!

[ixWishing]

Erm...... Is it me or there's no download link for the game itself? o_o'

Sorry, I noticed an error in the game and re- uploaded the file. (x

Downloading now! C:

[facades]

Thanks Susan!

@ pleasethinkofme : I don't think I could like someone many years younger than me too (x
but we never know what life may bring (;

@ ixWishing: have fun (:

@ salis : Thanks very much for your review !
it's true that the characters are way to familiar, when they'd just met each other.
I didn't have enough ideas to prolong the story so that they could build stronger relationships.
And also because I was too impatient, I couldn't wait to throw in all my ideas and upload my first visual novel.
Now that I know the amount of time, effort and patience needed to make a VN, I appreciate each one I play a lot more (:

I've re-uploaded the VN after improving on Hikaru's and Daisuke's sprites.
I hope that the background doesn't seep through them anymore.

Thanks for your comments again! I'll take note of your suggestions and apply them the next time I make a VN (:
Adding sound effects is great idea, I shall do that next time, and I'll work on my grammar too.

[eternalwishess]

Your first visual novel was pretty good for it being your first time. The dialogue between the characters emitted a cute & fuzzy atmosphere, the writing style is decent, and the music is nice! ^^

How long did it take you to make this game?
I'm sure you could've had time to clean up the sprites (there's no deadline in making visual novels), and maybe you could've also added more to the plot of the story? I find it weird how the boys would fall in love with a girl and almost instantly be comfortable hanging around with her the day after. It just doesn't fit reality. Be sure to gradually build up the character's feelings and emotions towards the main character next time (assuming you'll be making another one soon).

Overall, the whole thing is great.

[facades]

Thanks for your comments and advice, eternalwishess ! (:
Yup I should have done a better job with the sprites it was my first time drawing with a mouse and using photoshop.
I made the game out of impulse/ a sudden inspiration after playing other games in this forum so I was a lil too excited and published it before improving on it.
But I'll be more meticulous and watch out for these things the next time I make a game.
And yup! I'm currently working on "Love & Life". It'll be a longer story than Last Vacation.
And I hope it'll be better too (:
Once again, thank you very much for playing!

[kara24601]

One can certainly tell that Last Vacation was your first project but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some people might be suspicious of a work that is "too good" for a first project.
This...it's something new and different - (and that is always a good thing in / of itself) - it could use some more editing of the text and such but it's not a terrible game either.

In reference to the characters (on the guys being "overly friendly") :

But then again some people are like that in real life too. Some may see it as "trying too hard" but others may/will disagree.
Everyone has their own feelings and opinions about various issues.

A good example is this one woman I met from my last dentist appointment.
My father said she had been there in the earlier appointment (that I had a long time ago before this one)
I hadn't remembered her from the earlier one at all! (I could remember only certain things about that time and the time before I went I home....I especially don't remember much from then!) I was in a lot more pain the first time so maybe it's such a blur to me because somehow the pain or being put to sleep or both made me forget things? *shrug*

Anyway....
And although she may not have been doing it on purpose, this time around I now have very (mostly bad) memories of what happened before since I as in less pain and so very aware of various things.....man, that blonde woman was annoying! I don't care how "nice" she may have been last time and what my dad thinks. I don't care
if she helped me into a wheelchair or whatever. I "know" her now and I do not like her at all!
She may have thought she was being "nice" by smiling so much and talking the way she did but to me really she was very rude and I was hurt and offended by her treatment of me and she was way too fake chipper, I hated how she talked / her voice and the fact that she was talking to me as if I was a very small child.
All I could thik of was "annoying disney pixie..." and various not very nice things about her the whole time before I got put to sleep for the root canal and other tooth work. LOL It made me wonder if she's just so used to working with kids that she doesn't know the proper way to handle adult patients or if she was just being stupid and not picking up on my body language and such or what. *shakes head in disbelief*

She reminded me a little of Annie Lennox in the face somehow, it was a little weird that way and she has very short Blonde hair or at least it seemed short, I don't remember seeing a ponytail or anything. I was a little envious of her nice teeth since mine are so weird and crappy. haha

So - first dentist appointment in years....I only remember certain things and the first part is pretty much a blur to me. Second dentist in a long time - I remember a lot from the first part and not much from after I was put to sleep 'till until I was finally home again.

Another time, a different time....totally unrelated to dental work of course....we went somewhere to eat and I felt our waitress was "trying too hard" to be nice.
She was kind of annoying too (but not nearly as annoying as blonde pixie dentist assistant from hell)

On certain age-related comment : Depends on the age difference and everybody has their own opinion on what's "creepy" and should be / is illegal then there's the what actually _is_ considered illegal in various states and countries. I'm sure if you look around you'll find discussions on that here and elsewhere.

Just my own personal feelings but I really don't like it when people use the term "weeaboo"
I think it's immature, rude, and insensitive.
Nobody should call themselves or others things like "weaboo".

[facades]

Thanks for your comments kara24601!

I'm glad you found Last Vacation alright.. It was my first game and thus I'm always really happy when people actually found it fun(:
( Considering the many flaws in the text, art, etc.. )

About the age differences in relationships, I guess most people in such relationships would say their love transcends the age gap.
Some Asian dramas that I watch show a 60 plus year old guy getting married to a 40 year old lady.
But I guess that's more acceptable since the 'norm' is to have an older guy paired up with a younger lady.
However, I think I once heard the news reporting a 60 year old women getting married to a much more youthful male.
Hahaha I really don't know.. (x

I guess placing any kind of derogatory label on someone can be hurtful..
But maybe one can just brush it off and continue to be oneself. (:
I'm not really saying ' Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. '
But everyone is free to say what they'd like to so it's quite inevitable. (x

Thanks once again for playing Last Vacation !

[Celestine]

I finished playing your game. I liked it a lot.

You did have some grammar errors. Otherwise it was fine. But it was a bit confusing until I understood when you put the japanese phrases next to english translations of them you probably should have put the english translations in () these so it'd be a little less confusing and would be repeating yourself.

I liked the background very nice. But for the park scene didn't seem such a special place when I got to the 3rd brother

having same background for all 3 loses the affect that it's suppose to be such a special place, then compared to when you had Daisuke and Hikaru have their own special corner in the Library.

I love their facial expressions, especially Daisuke's. He's probably my favorite character on personality besides Kenichi. Nice job on characterization I could feel the difference in depth for each brother. Their own past and present. I felt sympathy for all of them after playing each path and felt Yumi shouldn't choose because it'd just make the other brothers sad after knowing their pasts.
The endings had a nice dynamic, it's too bad that you didn't give an official ending with Hikaru at least that is how I felt about it.

Daisuke end

I thought that it was funny when he licked her blood and said it was sweet. He is such a sweetie for saying he'd eat her food over the most delicious food there was out there. That really made me feel the love he had towards her and how much she meant to him.
I loved the breakfast scene. I thought pretty smart for Daisuke being a cook.

Kenichi

He's such a nice guy and so responsible I just don't know how the other readers wouldn't choose him as the first path to pick. You made him to alluring, the nice,giving older brother, that his charm just tempts you to pick him. The fact he reads to kids is so swweeet.
He is such a charmer in the park scene. Almost made me swoon what he said to Yumi. I almost fell for the guy. LOL. In their ending I had wished you showed a picture of their kid. That ending was so cute. That I'm going to end up playing it again and again.

Hikaru

Your drawing of him was spot on. My first impression is he's quite timid and then he spoke. I feel sorry for him that I want to give Hkaru a hug. You have a knack in using right dialogue in pulling in the character to know exactly Yumi feels. I really wanted to hug him when Yumi mention hugging him. I wish you had extended the ending for them but I can understand in the realistic sense why you ending it the way it was.

Thank you for the game. It was fun to play and finish all the paths.
I hope to soon now play the next one you made. I'm sure it'll be a blast.