Character Interaction

[Kyonko802]

Have you ever written a situation between two characters and it just didn't click somehow? I know I have, I've been writing for about ten years now, and I have more than one old shame tucked away in my hard drive.

People always whine about describing stuff.

"Your descriptions are too thin, put a little more detail into it."

"Your descriptions are nothing but purple prose, slice it a little bit."

You know what? Screw descriptions.

I've read great books that have purple prose up the ass. You wanna put some fluff in your story you go ahead, it's your story. I've never really had an issue with purple prose, Tolkien did it, Rowling did it. Even my favorite detective novelist, James Patterson, pulls some purple prose out of his butt every now and then.

Just don't lay it on too thick, it made Eragon into a snorefest of a book when it was already terrible to begin with, and it makes Meyer look less like a Mormon mom and more like a thirteen year old who shouldn't even be writing.

My point is descriptions don't seem as important as people make them out to be, as long as you're a skilled writer you can flesh out something with a little detail, or a lot of detail, just not TOO much or TOO little.

My point, dear readers, is that there is something much more important, especially considering working with VNs.

Character interaction.

I'm going to show you two examples of my writing, one from my past(God forbid) when I was still writing crappy fanfiction, and one from the present that I'm typing up real quick for this post using the characters from my VN in development.

Brace yourself dear reader, for some horrible writing.

----

Inuyasha looked back and got an annoyed look on his face, "What wench?" He snapped.

"Nothing," she said, turning away from him. 'Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, he still acts the same.' Thought Kagome.

Miroku and Sango were behind them with Kilala and Shippo. "It seems that Inuyasha has been acting out of character," said Miroku.

Sango looked at him like he was a psycho, "Why do you say that Houshi- Sama?" She asked curiously.

"I notice everything, usually Inuyasha only carries Kagome's bag if she forces him to, even if it is too heavy for her, but today he just snagged it from her and we headed off," he answered.

"So?" Asked Sango, but the interesting conversation was ruined by Miroku's wandering hand, "Baka hentai!" After this particular moment a slap was heard.

Inuyasha turned, "Hey love birds, you're slowin' us down!" He snapped as he and Kagome continued walking, Sango's face turned red and even Miroku was blushing, *gasp* but he didn't let anyone see it.

------

YES I used to enjoy Inuyasha, don't you judge me you bastards. Anyways, out of that small little snippet of dialogue I'm sure you can notice at least a hundred things I've done wrong, let's point out a few of the main offenders.

"Well Kyonko," you say to me, "That was pretty painful to read."

I agree with you, I don't even remember writing it, but I did, and it's time to face the music.

Let's just ignore the horrifyingly bad descriptions for a second, and focus on the atrocious dialogue between these poor butchered characters. First of all, look at all that useless Japanese. Keep in mind I was fourteen, I was a little brat that copied what other people did, and I was on fanfiction.net, the motherload of bad writing sites. People speaking English with random little japanese words sprinkled in is not acceptable, it comes off as horribly unnatural and makes the author look like he doesn't know what he's doing.

Honorifics and nicknames are excusable if you are writing in a Japanese setting, maybe even a few onomatopoeia, like "Kyaa!" or "Ehhh?!", but don't go tossing around words you barely know how to use.

I will grant myself this, I kept everyone pretty in character for being a little brat who didn't know a story hook from a pirate hook. But for some reason the dialogue seems stiff. It's cliche, stupid, and boring, and the crappy pubescent writer descriptions don't help either.

Also NEVER do what I did with Sango right there.

>"So?" Asked Sango.<

That's redundant, and a major nitpick of writers and readers.

Now, let's compare this to something I'm writing today, off the top of my head.

---------

The house was abandoned, Kyle could see that much from the boarded up windows and dilapidated state of the paint. The night air felt like it compressed itself as they approached the house, and he found it difficult to breathe as he took his first step onto the stairs of the deck. He reached behind himself and pulled out the M9 he tucked into his belt before they left.

Yuki followed closely behind him, her feet floating inches above the ground, her feigned breathing held.

His partner was haunting this place as much as what they were hunting now.

He made his way to the front door and pushed against it.

The door didn't budge.

"Can you sense anything Yuki?"

She finally took a breath, but only to speak, "I'm hearing insane whispers... something about land and family."

Kyle nodded.

Often times a ghost cannot let go of the things they leave behind in death. They think they have unfinished business, or that they can't be dead. At first they are normal, but over time even the most hardened man will snap from the loneliness and end up hurting someone.

"Ladies first," he said with a grin.

Yuki rolled her eyes and stepped forward, resting her hand on the doorknob.

Seconds later and the entire door was frozen.

Yuki moved aside and Kyle stepped back, bracing himself before running forward and slamming his shoulder into the frozen door.

The door shattered, exposing the dark interior of the house.

A tortured howl of pain and insanity greeted their ears.

And then... silence.

Yuki stepped in front of Kyle, "It's here!"

----------

I love writing Kyle and Yuki, because their dialogue flows. I can see exactly how they would react in a situation, how they would bicker and fight and make ou... I mean, up.

Anyways, all of this has a point, really.

If your dialogue and character interactions are flawed, you're not gonna get anywhere decent with your story, great descriptions or no.

I think of my characters as people, this is kind of a disadvantage when I want to kill someone off, but it helps the dialogue flow naturally.

You don't see it here, but my characters stutter, they say "um..." They don't always have a witty comeback or retort, because that's the way real people are, and that's the way my characters should interact with each other.

You don't have to make John St-st-st... stutter all the time, you just have to make it sound natural.

It has to flow, or it doesn't mean anything, and your characters end up suffering for it.

[Greeny]

Thank you. *applause*
This is very helpful.

[LateWhiteRabbit]

I've read great books that have purple prose up the ass. You wanna put some fluff in your story you go ahead, it's your story. I've never really had an issue with purple prose, Tolkien did it, Rowling did it. Even my favorite detective novelist, James Patterson, pulls some purple prose out of his butt every now and then.

I'd say Rowling or Patterson used a couple cans of purple, while Tolkien used several tanker trucks worth of purple in his prose. It actually prevents me from reading Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit is great and fine, but Tolkien needed a viscous bastard of an editor to chop down the prose in LoTR.

Editing is as important as the writing. "I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil." ~ Truman Capote

[Kyonko802]

It's all situation IMO.

Me? I can't write like that, purple prose ruins my writing completely, so I keep it simple, and that's the way most people write, but if you can pull it off, which most people can't, then whatever.

I have always focused on character interaction, that stuff is like gold to me.

[crGrey]

[golf clap]

The truth of it all is that SOMETIMES less is more.

Style 1: Over-descriptive
In this style, the writer spends too much time trying to get the reader to understand/feel, etc.
Result: boredom.

Style 2: Under-descriptive
In this style, the writer doesn't spend enough time trying to get the reader to understand/feel, etc.
Result: confusion.

Style 3: Just descriptive enough, considering what situation is present
In this style, the writer changes his aspect of description to match the pace and flow of the story.
Result: entertainment.

If Kyle and Yuki are about to get eaten by a horrible monster, speed the descriptions up and concentrate on actions.
If the horrible monster that is about to eat them finally reveals itself, spend a paragraph suspended in time to get what it looks like and is doing out of the way, then go back to the actions.
If Kyle and Yuki have finally escapped the horrible monster that want's to eat them, spend some time describing their STATE, then move on to what they are going to do about their STATE.
If Kyle and Yuki open the refrigerator door to get some food, and there is another horrible monster in it ready to eat them, PAUSE, give a brief description, then get back to actions/reactions.
If Kyle and Yuki spend the rest of the day preparing for another onslaught, you can be as descriptive as you want, so long as their ACTIONS decide the level of reader involvement.

Hope that helps all.
-crGrey