The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

[Daggio]

wait, when did papi write that? I know I skipped some posts to avoid spoilers, but I don't remember I skipped that

[junna]

wait, when did papi write that? I know I skipped some posts to avoid spoilers, but I don't remember I skipped that

page 4. Between "umbra" and "for stellie"

LOL. I love spoilers... so I read through everything. //shot.

[Coren]

Hmm, I see some games which have been reviewed many times and some games which have no reviews at all. I think I'll play through those less noticed ones, or it'll just be sad.

[lordshadowisle]

@papillon
You should probably include the upload date of the latest version of the game on the opening post of this thread, maybe even in bold. This would make it easier for us to know if any corrections have been made, and if we need a new download.

Ok, I'll proceed to give my comments on The Final Test.

The Final Test

What It Is:
The Final Test is a stat-raising game. You play as a normal college bum/gamer who is randomly visited by a magical/alien catgirl; she presents you with the challenge of passing her test (after 30 days), which will decide whether the world is destroyed.

What Is Good:
The inclusion of a skippable game overview (how to play) and a skippable game intro is always welcome. There were some final game hints ('have you tried focusing on one skill yet') that made finding other endings somewhat easier.

What Is Bad:
I'll preface this by saying I don't like stat-raisers in general, probably because they tend to more about games rather than stories; I find myself focusing on which stat obtains which outcome rather than on the plot or characters. I think this entry suffers from the same problem, which is that it is quite weak on characterization, plot, and setting. This may be due to a lack of time, as I've also noticed a couple of early spelling errors. The plot could do with some twists to make it stand out, otherwise it really is another "alien tests human(ity)" type story. Lastly, I really hated the ending. The "is a dream?" trope is overused as it is, and the meta "what kind of a cliche cop-out ending would that be" really doesn't cut it. Meta (mocking your own entry) doesn't work.
As stat-raisers go, this also fairly run of the mill; there is too little variation in daily routine, and only two events (intermediate tests) before the final event. Also, having played through the game several times, I find it EXTREMELY difficult to lose, even with deliberate save-scumming. As a game, this is a cop-out, and trivializes the story. Also, given that the first event (that gives a hint) only takes place after a number of days, this sort of means that the choices for the first few days are a tossup.

Nitpicks:
Though you state the number of possible endings, you could have included the ending number for each ending.
You could have used music as well, particularly to boost the impact of the (few) story events.

Suggestions:
The plot could do with some twists. For instance, the homeless man talking about evil cats could have been used as a plot point rather than a throwaway. Similarly, the story could do with some events to raise the tension, for instance by showing some early consequences of your ability or ineptness.

[rasburn]

Ariana
The characters are not the strongest part of this entry, as they're mostly used to move the plot along. The story is quite straightforward and easy
to understand, with some variation added through choices.

The many choices and endings is something that makes this entry stand out from the crowd. This makes the entry more interesting, but
one or a few of the choices seem a bit arbitrary (even if most are good). This didn't stop me from exploring the different endings.

The technical presentation was not bad, but not excellent.

The story seemed pretty light and happy for the most part, which is something I liked, so the interpretation of the prompt was good. However,
the seriousness of the "disaster" part seemed a bit shoe-horned in because of the restriction of the prompt.

I think Ariana was less serious than what I've read so far, which was refreshing for a change.

Dhumaketu
This is more of a philosophical rather than emotional entry to me. I didn't really feel sympathy with the characters, but
the ideas presented were interesting: what if the future would become like this? Some tendencies towards what's described
in the entry can be seen today so it's an interesting commentary on modern society.

On the whole it seems like the author is telling me that doing nothing at all is the "right" option (through the use of the music). It's a bit confusing
since the whole premise is very complicated and I think the other alternatives are all better in some way.

Nothing special to say about the technical level, other than the choices. The branching was welcome with some of the choices, but a little
annoying with other things. For instance, that at the end of each path you get a choice which will bring the "standard ending".
I was afraid to miss any ending so I went through all choices,
but many of the choices had little effect. Those ideas that did make a significant difference were good though, and highlighted interesting ideas.
With that said, the branches were interesting and offered different perspectives on the future society. I didn't actually understand that the society was not in fact human,
until I played the war ending.

There were some decriptions which I couldn't really imagine, about how the technology would look in the future. Naturally, this would be much
easier if the sprites and backgrounds weren't limited by the contest. I like when strange customs and technology are described in this way in
fantasy and science fiction novels because it makes the world of the novel more interesting and complete, but for short stories like this it would
be a bit easier if the description is more in terms of what we already now. Note: I understood most of the entries, but there were some minor remarks
about streams, communications and weapons that I couldn't completely grasp.

The interpretation of the prompt was really straight-forward, but even so the futuristic perspective made it a bit different from the other entries.
Despite the problem I had with some of the descriptions, I think this futuristic perspective made it really nice.

Lady Misfortune
While the story was good fun, it was a bit predictable. I played through to get all the endings, which was pretty intuitive (with the Good/Neutral/Bad).

This game did not really invoke deep emotions within me, but it was an enjoyable play. There was a good feel to it, and good humor: walk my hair, The LARP humor and magnets joke in particular.
The choice of music, backgrounds and sprite expressions seemed pretty polished compared to some other entries with a slightly more rushed feel.

I'd say the technical level was a bit above average, since there were different visual effects as well.
The use of assets was pretty standard, but I was mildly annoyed that every name-text was in black.

The interpretation of the prompt was pretty straight-forward and so there are more similarities to other games than not, with the finding
of the spirit in the forest and then there's an actual disaster bound to happen.
I'd say the strongest part of this entry is the execution. It kinda reminds me of a sitcom in the way that it's accessible, easy to understand,
well polished and contains some humor.

[PyTom]

I don't know if there are any plans for another release of the collection - but if there is, it might make sense to use _window_subtitle to put the name of the game that's being played in the window titlebar.

Dhumaketu

I believe I've cleared all segments of the game - but since I didn't
go down all paths to all endings, it's possible I missed something.

Theres a concept of "creative destruction" - the idea that stagnation
is often the enemy of progress, that advancements take place in
response to the end of the status quo. This game takes this one step
further, and postulates an encounter between the main character, and
Ket - pretty much the goddess of creative destruction.

I don't have a lot to say about this story, other than that I liked
it. I enjoyed the interplay between the two characters, and I thought
that the choice structure helped the game tell its story and arrived
at the message.

If I had to find a flaw in the game, it's that there's one set of
paths that reveals a lot more about the world than the others - if
they player doesn't go down that path, they miss out on a lot. It
would be nice if the game somehow let the player know about that path
- it kind of sucks to think that a player might only clear one ending
and miss out.

Edit:

Sepia

This game has some major technical flaws. The biggest one is that it
overrides the user-set text speed, and sets it to something far too
slow for me. So that makes it hard to read. It also has a character
that speaks in black text with a black drop-shadow - again, hard to
read.

After about 10-15 minutes of reading, the game failed to draw me
in - especially given the annoyance of the technical aspect. So I
dropped it.

[Anarchy]

Is She the Spirit of Disaster?

I'll say this one is my favourite so far, despite it's problems.

There are numerous capitalisation issues and awkward phrasing which makes me think that the writer is not native english. HOWEVER, the actual meaning of the words and the use of descriptors was nice, it's a type of writing I find pleasure in. Short pieces of poetic writing within a larger story can help frame a work in my opinion because it helps paint the world.

I liked the beginning. I think it tied in nicely with the prompt and I like the pace it set. It reminded me of the panoramas you get in movies where the whole aim is to set the theme and mood of the story. The whole story remained in this slice of life, soft style of fluffy writing and it was enjoyable. It was also nice to see a protagonist that wasn't gloomy or an outright jerk. I don't understand why the female teacher's gender was called into question though, seemed like a bit of a nasty thing to put in considering we were actually given points as to why she would be a poor teacher. What would her gender matter?

I totally get where you're coming from, and I think if the quality of writing was better I would've actually bought into it. Thing is, the fact that the protagonist was so unrelentlessly negative all the time really turned me off from getting into that lazy, slow mood. The casual sexism really, really didn't help. I honestly started hating the protagonist just a little bit when that happened, and consequently, I was reading the entire opening with a slowly simmering rage, which was exacerbated by the grammar and writing quality.

As for why he is 'the one', well, he wouldn't be there if he wasn't the one, would he? We would be following someone else's story.

Yeah, what I was getting at was that, even in a fantastical story like this, there needs to be some internal sense to it. Why was the spirit's special man coincidentally the one who found her? Why is HE, out of all the people on earth, her special one? Is it because he found her that he was her special man? See, Lady Misfortune dealt with this issue by arbitrarily making the spirit only able to talk to the first person she met - it was a total random rule, but it gave that universe some sort of internal coherence and served as some sort of justification as to why the protagonist was special to the spirit. In this, it's like the world magically revolves around the protagonist, which feels incredibly self-centered. It makes the world feel unrealistic and unbelievable too.

The alarm clock scene in particular was cute and I liked the way she reacted to the world around her.

Yeah, I thought that whole scene was quite adorable.

I enjoyed the interactions between the spirit and the man, they were pretty cute and added to the whole sense of warm storytelling. In a way it reminded me of Natsume Yuujinchou.

I was pretty happy with the separation and reunion aspects of the story, they seemed fairly logical. It gave us some nice subtle insights into both the characters. She is filled with self loathing and he is actually pretty lonely. This actually comes as a DEVELOPMENT from their interactions rather than being stated right at the beginning.

The ended was great I thought since it brought closure and significance to the story. It made sense and provided further development to the characters. It was a simple story, but it was told with heart and it was complete which is why I think it's my favourite so far.

Oh, yeah, I agree. The thing I like the most about this piece is that it's one of the few entries to successfully and smoothly incorporate the fantastical elements into the character's interactions, relationship, and development. You CAN'T have the same character arcs without the spirit being what she is. And it's the only one to do so (at least, out of the ones I've read so far) while completely respecting the spirit (haha) of the original prompt, instead of making into a more cynical or parodic element. It's probably one of the most genuinely heartwarming entries, but...

It DOES need a good proof read though.

Yeah. That just completely killed it for me. I'm sorry, I'm shallow and I need good, polished writing to be able to really get into something. orz

I really did enjoy the ending and some of the scenes between the two mains though, in spite of the writing issues. I didn't expect that I would, since the writing was turning me off so much, but I did. So kudos to the author for writing a story and character development strong enough to keep me interested and engaged despite the writing flaws.

Why did the protagonist have to be a sexist douche though? I mean seriously. And it's just a throwaway detail, like it's totally okay and normal to be sexist and doesn't warrant further exploration and development. Great.

[Auro-Cyanide]

@Anarchy, Yeah I agree with most of that. I do tend to be fairly relaxed about grammar and that because I believe the message is more important (and I would be a massive hypocrite if I went on about it). As long as it's understandable I like to see emotion and character in the words rather than have it be perfectly correct. Both is obviously preferable though. The thing is grammar and spelling is fairly easy to fix. But the heart of the writing? That is something that takes more time and effort.

I actually found the protagonist to be kind of positive, but I was coming off a couple stories where the characters where out right depressive so that might have coloured my review of it And I do agree that the more heart warming aspect was a nice change of pace from the more dramatic ones. It's been interesting to see the different ways the prompt has been handled. Everyone has done a really good job so far, you should be proud of completing your games

As for why he was 'the one', it's true that it is rather circumstantial. It's a common problem in fiction I think. One way around it was to make the main character not so normal. The prompt did say 'normal' but that is relative. I wonder if anyone made their main character special, like a mage or an alien and that 'normal' was actually a different way of life.

Sexism is often casual (and this goes for all genders) which is why it makes it dangerous. It's the stuff that is 'just there' that we need to be careful of. I would encourage all creators to keep an eye for it because it's hard to fight stuff that has already worked it's way into your mentality. I'm not accusing the creator of being sexist since that is probably not true, but that one line did make me frown a fair bit.

But I agree with a good editor I think future stories this writer writes could be very good ^_^

[Daggio]

I don't know if there are any plans for another release of the collection - but if there is, it might make sense to use _window_subtitle to put the name of the game that's being played in the window titlebar.

THAT'S A PERFECTLY GOOD IDEA! I've been instinctively looked at the title bar to know which entry I'm playing

*ehem* back to reviewing

Disaster Reborn

This is the second story that has a lecturer as the protagonist, and as like the other one, she also tries to rationalize her seeing a spirit, before she finally accepts the presence of spirit.

I'm not exactly sure why the spirit of disaster is shown with her head chopped off, it's probably to hide the cat ears, because the spirit of disaster was once a human so a nekomimi won't really fit into the story, but it ended up making her, well... maybe it's better to say that it makes me feel weird seeing her with a chopped head.

One strange thing is that, the spirit of disaster is seldom shown on the screen, even though it's written that the main character is talking to her. It makes the storytelling a bit awkward because it feels like you're not looking at her when talking to her, which is true sometimes because sometimes the MC is ignoring her.

It's a good concept that this story states that the world needs a spirit of destruction, and if done properly, spirit of destruction can do something good to the world. Although I don't see that concept applied in the game, because Regina wreaks havoc everytime she use that power

Even though the concept was good, the execution was ordinary. Nothing special


Dusted Star

One interesting thing in this entry is that it ties another fiction by another author to the story. I don't think any other games has tried this idea, and this makes it interesting. Unfortunately, I don't know about the book or the movie, so even if it references it then I wouldn't make it as a bonus point.

At the beginning it feels like a comedy story, because of the interaction between the narrator and the character, I like it. It's a pity that it stopped halfway through the story, and changed into a more romantic one after buying a babylon candle.

The disaster caused is not a big catastrophe like presented in another stories, just destroying the kitchen. Which makes it funny.

The ending. Well, I don't get why the character is looking for Miu's star after she left, since he and Miu already got their own mates at that time. It feels like the character finally loves Miu at the end, but it's too late and all he can do is watch her star in the sky.

Of all the entries, this is what I like the most.


It's all your fault

At the beginning, it's stated that this is a story about manly comedy. Well, I don't get which part is the manly comedy. Either the author lied or that one line is the manly comedy

This story is also unique in that, the spirit of disaster is not an actual spirit, but an imaginary being created by the protagonist. The disaster she created is not an actual disaster, more like the protagonist blame her for whatever bad happened to the world. Mostly about girls, which makes this story about bashing girls, and makes protagonist as a jerk.

The spirit's personification is a nice and kind girl, who mostly agrees with him and supports him. Maybe that's her ideal girl.

But eventhough he hates girls and blames them for whatever reason he might come up with, he actually fall in love with a girl. It's kinda like a plot twist because I didn't see that coming.

At first it was kinda sad when he said he's not gonna imagine her again, but that might make him less of a jerk, and more appreciative of women.

This entry is a unique take on the prompt and that differentiates it from most entries

==========================================================

Is she really a spirit of disaster?

Yeah, what I was getting at was that, even in a fantastical story like this, there needs to be some internal sense to it. Why was the spirit's special man coincidentally the one who found her? Why is HE, out of all the people on earth, her special one? Is it because he found her that he was her special man? See, Lady Misfortune dealt with this issue by arbitrarily making the spirit only able to talk to the first person she met - it was a total random rule, but it gave that universe some sort of internal coherence and served as some sort of justification as to why the protagonist was special to the spirit. In this, it's like the world magically revolves around the protagonist, which feels incredibly self-centered. It makes the world feel unrealistic and unbelievable too.

yeah, it wasn't really explained why he is the special man out of all man on earth. One theory is that, kitsuneko's special man is not just one, but many. Like people who have sixth sense, compared to the world's population, they're not that many, but there are people like them.
I personally think that the idea to limit the spirit's interaction to only one man is pretty hard to come up with, Disaster reborn only says "Why not you?"

and about the ending, I think this entry have the best ending so far, but I haven't looked at all of the entries, there might be better ones.

[DiamondRoseTears]

I've only played three so far but I'll write my opinion down so not to forget it!

Falling

Even though It was sad that he had to die because of that thing in his head, I found pretty bad the way the man character talked to his family!
One thing I didn't actually understand was what the spirit meant when she said that she knew the main characters grand father

Yeah I know he was a ghost and all, but what did she mean, they "worked" together?

I like the music in some parts, but the way it was written some times made it difficult to understand whether the main character spoke or though things! (I mean because they were all put together in the same dialog box, maybe it would have been better if he thought something then it stopped and then spoke.)
And I didn't really like the fact that what he did before talking was mentioned, like for example when he talks with his mum that says "I looked over Mom "Sorry for...." (it's just my opinion though)


I liked the way the author writes about the spirits and the characters dialogue, but it had so many possible options and after you choose one it had another and another one again and again! and that felt like I don't know, he/she didn't know what else to write? How to express the thing she wanted?

I don't want to be mean, I just gave my true opinion! I liked how the facts where stated but I felt like everything happened in a *blur*!

Sepia

At first that I started reading, I thought I wouldn't going to like it (since I heard no music and all)
But the way the main character talked about his life, the sepia thing, How he missed black white, all colors, how everything are silent and all, and just the the music starts and he gets out!! That was what I loved the most in this story!
It was a really different and interesting idea indeed! I feel like the story give you a lesson, a lesson that can help you with life!
Like you can't feel sorry about how miserable you are because you did nothing to change it!

As for the music, I felt that the right music was at the right parts, when it should have been quiet it was quiet and when it had to be loud it was loud!! (Maybe to that helped and my cursor and how quick I read the th text but still...!

What I didn't like was that the main characters name or just the "ME" wasn't shown, that way it was again difficult to understand whether he talks or not! (Well the different colors the letters had sure helped a little, but still it made it difficult to understand, for me at least (maybe I'm just a dummy!)
I couldn't understand the story to it's fullest, nether what exactly the destruction and the triumph wanted exactly, but I liked the change in the facts, and everything he felt were expressed so naturally!! Surely this author REALLY knows how to write!

So he had Autism? That's why he was like that? like a robot and stuck to everything? I thought that autism is (most times) pretty obvious how could Dianne not know?

Sacrifice
I played this, and found that the story, and some scenes had a lot in common with the two other stories I have played so far! (Falling and Sepia)

*Same things with Falling
In falling as well as in Sacrifice the spirit falls from the sky and that's how the main character founds it, in both stories he founds destruction in the forest!
In both stories the main character has the name Mathew
The spirit wants to bring earthquake to the town the character is (well in sucrifice wants to bring much more than this) and says that to stop the main character has to die (Sacrifice himself)


*Same things with Sepia
In both "sepia" and "sacrifice" the main character was a person that worked a whole lot but wasn't communicating with the whole team.
What made me quiet and impression was that in both stories the spirit of destruction says she was waiting for him!

** Now in general, I think that the parts where the music was putted didn't exactly fit. I mean I don't think that it suited very well the place and the time being played!
Apart from this, I don't know If my system has a problem, but many times when the bg change i got this black screen and had to click many times for it to disappear (I don't even know if my clicks did anything or if just the game stacked). But it was pretty annoying!!

[Anarchy]

Hmm, I see some games which have been reviewed many times and some games which have no reviews at all. I think I'll play through those less noticed ones, or it'll just be sad.

As of Daggio's most recent post, all entries now have at least one review. But yeah, more love for the less noticed ones would be awesome!

The thing is grammar and spelling is fairly easy to fix. But the heart of the writing? That is something that takes more time and effort.

Sexism is often casual (and this goes for all genders) which is why it makes it dangerous. It's the stuff that is 'just there' that we need to be careful of. I would encourage all creators to keep an eye for it because it's hard to fight stuff that has already worked it's way into your mentality. I'm not accusing the creator of being sexist since that is probably not true, but that one line did make me frown a fair bit.

But I agree with a good editor I think future stories this writer writes could be very good ^_^

I just want to second all of those. Agree completely.

I've only played three so far but I'll write my opinion down so not to forget it!

Falling

Even though It was sad that he had to die because of that thing in his head, I found pretty bad the way the man character talked to his family!
One thing I didn't actually understand was what the spirit meant when she said that she knew the main characters grand father

Yeah I know he was a ghost and all, but what did she mean, they "worked" together?

I think she's implying that the grandfather chose a MASS DESTRUCTION route or something along those lines and became her apprentice/helper for a while, just like our protag-kun in certain routes.

I like the music in some parts, but the way it was written some times made it difficult to understand whether the main character spoke or though things! (I mean because they were all put together in the same dialog box, maybe it would have been better if he thought something then it stopped and then spoke.)
And I didn't really like the fact that what he did before talking was mentioned, like for example when he talks with his mum that says "I looked over Mom "Sorry for...." (it's just my opinion though)

Yup, that bugged me too.

I liked the way the author writes about the spirits and the characters dialogue, but it had so many possible options and after you choose one it had another and another one again and again! and that felt like I don't know, he/she didn't know what else to write? How to express the thing she wanted?

No no no no no those choices were awesome! You had a wide variety of philosophical stances on death, killing, and morality, which then led to vastly different consequences for yourself, your family, and the town at large! I had tons and tons and TOOONS of fun going back and choosing different paths - this was one of the only games where I felt compelled to choose different paths BECAUSE those choices were so engagingly presented - and I loved seeing what those choices would lead to.

I don't want to be mean, I just gave my true opinion! I liked how the facts where stated but I felt like everything happened in a *blur*!

It was short and sweet. I loved that about this entry. The pacing was tight but not rushed, and it was short enough to keep my interest throughout. It was very self-confident and not overly ambitious at all - it knew what it wanted to do, and did it efficiently and well, without overstaying its welcome. One of the more enjoyable entries I've played so far.

[VDZ]

My apologies for the incorrect word count on 'Outlook Of Spirit Commission'. The javascript word counter page I used for counting choked on the line "Ha... Haaa... Sensei, my nipples are cumming! <3 Fuaaa~" (specifically, somehow it stops counting at '<3').

The "correct" (still very rough and inflated) word count for Outlook Of Spirit Commission is 9126. I updated my earlier post to reflect this.

[Funnyguts]

I'm trying to figure out if there any games that haven't been discussed at all yet. I know there's quite a few that have been only mentioned/reviewed once or twice. Let's see, we've talked about:

1.Fairytales of Innocent Children
2.Meaning
3.My Entry
4.The Day I Died
5.Ariana
6.Dhumaketu
7.The Final Test
8.Who Are You?
9.Sepia
10.Sacrifice
11.Balancing Act
12. 4Dimensional
13. Nostalgia the Dead Child
14. Living through Disaster
15. Lady Misfortune
16. Umbra's Calling
17. For Stellie
18. Anniversaries, Adversity, and Pepper
19. Endless Night
20. It's All Your Fault
21. Dusted Star
22. Falling
23. Fragile
24. Is She A Spirit of Disaster?
25. Lonely Spirit
26. The Golden Hound
27. Outlook of Spirit Comission
28. Disaster Reborn

I believe the only entry yet to be mentioned is "The Face of Tragedy."

[DiamondRoseTears]

I've only played three so far but I'll write my opinion down so not to forget it!

Falling

Even though It was sad that he had to die because of that thing in his head, I found pretty bad the way the man character talked to his family!
One thing I didn't actually understand was what the spirit meant when she said that she knew the main characters grand father

Yeah I know he was a ghost and all, but what did she mean, they "worked" together?

I think she's implying that the grandfather chose a MASS DESTRUCTION route or something along those lines and became her apprentice/helper for a while, just like our protag-kun in certain routes.

Yeah I guess that makes sense! I thought about it too, but wasn't sure!

I liked the way the author writes about the spirits and the characters dialogue, but it had so many possible options and after you choose one it had another and another one again and again! and that felt like I don't know, he/she didn't know what else to write? How to express the thing she wanted?

No no no no no those choices were awesome! You had a wide variety of philosophical stances on death, killing, and morality, which then led to vastly different consequences for yourself, your family, and the town at large! I had tons and tons and TOOONS of fun going back and choosing different paths - this was one of the only games where I felt compelled to choose different paths BECAUSE those choices were so engagingly presented - and I loved seeing what those choices would lead to.

Yeah maybe you're right, at first it looked kind of fascinating but then when I tried all the paths i started feeling a little bit tired, with all this...

I don't want to be mean, I just gave my true opinion! I liked how the facts where stated but I felt like everything happened in a *blur*!

It was short and sweet. I loved that about this entry. The pacing was tight but not rushed, and it was short enough to keep my interest throughout. It was very self-confident and not overly ambitious at all - it knew what it wanted to do, and did it efficiently and well, without overstaying its welcome. One of the more enjoyable entries I've played so far.[/quote]

I liked the thing it was short too, and had a nice meaning, just felt that the end came pretty quick. But had a nice story behind all!

[Daggio]

@funnyguts actually, the face of tragedy has been covered by Anarchy, it's over here ---> http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... dy#p230323