The Edge of Magic (Modern fantasy) [Demo]

[ludeshka]

I was worried that nobody liked the plot. Is it really an info dump? It's just plot, setting, and characters. That's what the sticky wanted, right?

It's not that it's an infodump as much as it maybe doesn't represent what the game will focus more on?

You yourself said...

The Edge of Magic is roughly 70% slice of life, 25% international intrigue, 5% epic battle against "evil"

But if you reread your plot synopsis, you'll notice the slice of life doesn't really come across.
Hey, please don't take it the wrong way, I don't mean it's uninteresting, I mean it's impersonal.
Maybe framing it more like it's about the characters...?
Like, Lunin's struggles between his faith, his passion for research, and being wrapped in politics unkown to him...

Tell us about the very first thing we should feel, about the feeling you want us to get from this game.

Then, tell us all about the setting in the uh..."setting" description.
I'm absolutely not trying to pick on you or anything. I'm commenting on this because I do find it interesting.
And the art! The art is lovely! (everybody's eyes are so shiny, they have such distinctive poses and expressions ^^)
I really like the bg you just posted too. I think this game is looking extremely good, and I would definitely give the demo a chance.

Just felt like telling you my opinion, but of course, it's just one person's opinion, so don't take it too seriously.

Good luck with the project!

[AsagiMete]

I was worried that nobody liked the plot. Is it really an info dump? It's just plot, setting, and characters. That's what the sticky wanted, right?

It's not that it's an infodump as much as it maybe doesn't represent what the game will focus more on?

You yourself said...

The Edge of Magic is roughly 70% slice of life, 25% international intrigue, 5% epic battle against "evil"

But if you reread your plot synopsis, you'll notice the slice of life doesn't really come across.
Hey, please don't take it the wrong way, I don't mean it's uninteresting, I mean it's impersonal.
Maybe framing it more like it's about the characters...?
Like, Lunin's struggles between his faith, his passion for research, and being wrapped in politics unkown to him...

Tell us about the very first thing we should feel, about the feeling you want us to get from this game.

Then, tell us all about the setting in the uh..."setting" description.
I'm absolutely not trying to pick on you or anything. I'm commenting on this because I do find it interesting.
And the art! The art is lovely! (everybody's eyes are so shiny, they have such distinctive poses and expressions ^^)
I really like the bg you just posted too. I think this game is looking extremely good, and I would definitely give the demo a chance.

Just felt like telling you my opinion, but of course, it's just one person's opinion, so don't take it too seriously.

Good luck with the project!

Picking on me? No way! This is totally awesome! ^.^ I can't get better if nobody ever tells me ways I can improve.

You make a really good point, but a tricksy one. I do want a strong focus on the intrigue because it serves as the framework for the slice of life. I'm going sit down and try to reword that opening a little better so it does show both sides of the coin.

The art is really pretty. I'm a touch worried that poor Asagi might not live up to it, but that's why I gotta give it my all!!! This is the longest piece of work I've ever written. It just keeps getting longer, too. No signs of slowing... It the Willy Wonka psychedelic tunnel! ^.^ J/K, j/k~

The game contains 1450 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 21,522 words,
for an average of 14.8 words per screen.
The game contains 8 menus.

I'm almost at the point where I am going to need proofreaders. Is there anyone interested?

Edit: I'm also thinking up a better term than BxG. I dislike it. I'd say bishoujo, but that still focuses on the "romance" sections than the awesome story. I might have to make up an entirely new term.

[Anna]

I'm also thinking up a better term than BxG. I dislike it. I'd say bishoujo, but that still focuses on the "romance" sections than the awesome story. I might have to make up an entirely new term.

Why do you need a term at all? If it focuses more on the story than the romance between characters, just name the genres (like fantasy, political intrigue or whatever) and leave out bxg/bishoujo etc.

[AsagiMete]

I'm also thinking up a better term than BxG. I dislike it. I'd say bishoujo, but that still focuses on the "romance" sections than the awesome story. I might have to make up an entirely new term.

Why do you need a term at all? If it focuses more on the story than the romance between characters, just name the genres (like fantasy, political intrigue or whatever) and leave out bxg/bishoujo etc.

I think just leaving it the way it is now (no BxG is fine) for that. It's when I think of the terms people use for the games. We take so much from the Japanese heritage that I can't help but wonder if we limit ourselves. While my game could be easily labeled as a bishōjo game, it doesn't really have that dating sim focus that is traditional to bishōjo games. I just wonder what the terminology should be.

Wah, just Asagi getting all philosophical and blah. How about another background sketch instead? Did people like the last background? Also, I'm going to start my hunt for proofreaders really soon. Anybody want to get on-board this super awesome ride? <3

[Blane Doyle]

Honestly, adding a tag is a bit of a double edged sword. If romance is a part of the game, adding one would be a huge help. However, if it is not a large part then it's just sort of saying "hey, this exists in my game, thought you might wanna know". Listing it can both draw in and push away potential readers, as there are some people who won't touch threads with certain tags. However, others won't touch a thread WITHOUT tags either.

And even then, people may come in and love what they see... then say absolutely nothing.

That being said, I can't be the one to decide on what you should put up there. I'm not the one who knows the most about the game you are making. You are.

Also, I DID like the last background! I just track of this topic for a bit. The sprites look very nice against it, not quite blending in but looking natural against it. I love that it is hand drawn as well.

What sort of background is this one? It looks interesting, but as a sketch I am almost never able to tell what kind of room I am looking at. That's just something weird about me, not the art.

[AsagiMete]

Honestly, adding a tag is a bit of a double edged sword. If romance is a part of the game, adding one would be a huge help. However, if it is not a large part then it's just sort of saying "hey, this exists in my game, thought you might wanna know". Listing it can both draw in and push away potential readers, as there are some people who won't touch threads with certain tags. However, others won't touch a thread WITHOUT tags either.

And even then, people may come in and love what they see... then say absolutely nothing.

That being said, I can't be the one to decide on what you should put up there. I'm not the one who knows the most about the game you are making. You are.

Also, I DID like the last background! I just track of this topic for a bit. The sprites look very nice against it, not quite blending in but looking natural against it. I love that it is hand drawn as well.

What sort of background is this one? It looks interesting, but as a sketch I am almost never able to tell what kind of room I am looking at. That's just something weird about me, not the art.

People will figure out what it is when they read the description or see screenshots, tag or no tag.

I'm glad you liked the background! The new one is the living room of the house where Lunin, Ellen, and Lily live (Sophia joining depending on how things turn out.)

[AsagiMete]

Last night I was told that the best way to understand a medium is to study the works that have been released. Yours truly thought that this was a super awesome idea that deserved merits. I've played some of the games posted on this forum, but I thought a super idea would be to look for trends in the Japanese releases! I ended up spending a couple hours going through VNDB and studying what I saw. My innocence has been scarred forever, but I did manage to get a list.

1. Tentacles
2. Various things being inserted into orifices.
3. Moe
4. Really pretty art
5. High school settings

I figured out that you all are a bunch of perverts! ^.^ Just kidding... mostly... kind of... not so much... Anyway, the only thing I really took away from it was that pretty art is pretty. I'm happy with the art for The Edge of Magic. It did reaffirm my belief that we need more adventure in our adventure games, but that's something for another day and game.

What I draw away from it is that now I'm curious what YOU all are looking for in The Edge of Magic. What things would you like to see in the story, what would like to not see? Do you want lots of slice of life with Mr. Monk or are you drawn in by the intrigue of dangers beyond "Bang Bang Boom Boom"? Are the characters types you would be interested in or is there some trope that I missed and you're crushed? There's not a lot that Asagi can do about the characters now, but I can keep things in mind for the follow on. Also, what do you think about side-by images? I saw the people on 4chan whining about how big that one was and how we don't need them.

[Anna]

Last night I was told that the best way to understand a medium is to study the works that have been released. Yours truly thought that this was a super awesome idea that deserved merits. I've played some of the games posted on this forum, but I thought a super idea would be to look for trends in the Japanese releases! I ended up spending a couple hours going through VNDB and studying what I saw. My innocence has been scarred forever, but I did manage to get a list.

1. Tentacles
2. Various things being inserted into orifices.
3. Moe
4. Really pretty art
5. High school settings

I figured out that you all are a bunch of perverts! ^.^ Just kidding... mostly... kind of... not so much... Anyway, the only thing I really took away from it was that pretty art is pretty. I'm happy with the art for The Edge of Magic. It did reaffirm my belief that we need more adventure in our adventure games, but that's something for another day and game.

What I draw away from it is that now I'm curious what YOU all are looking for in The Edge of Magic. What things would you like to see in the story, what would like to not see? Do you want lots of slice of life with Mr. Monk or are you drawn in by the intrigue of dangers beyond "Bang Bang Boom Boom"? Are the characters types you would be interested in or is there some trope that I missed and you're crushed? There's not a lot that Asagi can do about the characters now, but I can keep things in mind for the follow on. Also, what do you think about side-by images? I saw the people on 4chan whining about how big that one was and how we don't need them.

Oh you poor thing, here is some digital mind-bleach to clean up that list as though some items had never existed.

Anyway, what I would like to see is you writing a story you like :p! But in all seriousness, I think you'll be fine if you give it an overarching plot so that the story feels like it's going somewhere (simple example: defeat the big bad and how you will do that) and keep character development in mind. Unless of course, you really want to focus on slice of life yourself, although that needs a plot too.

I'd rather not see side images, especially not those I can also see on the main screen, because it feels redundant and annoys me. This varies per person though, some people prefer them. if you do add them, maybe make them smaller or optional?

[Blane Doyle]

I wonder how exactly you searched VNDB and what titles you looked at. Some of the titles that have good stories have a lot of the ero CG uploaded. Because, you know, SEX.

To start with, side images seem to be down the middle for a lot of people. I love them, but I know a lot of people (and as you said, 4Chan in general) don't. However, I do have a preference for only the main character being a side image with no full sprite while everyone else is full sprites if side images are used. It gives me the illusion of "this is how the characters talking to the MC see them" or "I'm looking through the MC's eyes and it's nice to see their expression anyway".

Whether or not you implement them is up to you.

As for what I want to see otherwise? Good writing and character development. I'm not picky, the basics are good enough for me. Some tropes subverted and played with would be nice, but not necessary of course. Other than that, write what you want to write. Take concrit when it comes, use it to your advantage, but write the story you want to write in the end. That's all I ask for, honestly.

[papillon]

I like side images but I do agree that the ones shown in the early screenshots are probably too large. Very mixed opinions on that subject, so a toggleswitch may be a good idea if you can code it.

I personally hate most slice of life (although I know many people like it) and would much rather see more time spent on intrigue and action, but it's your story!

[AsagiMete]

I just clicked on random visual novel tons of times and analyzed the plot, art, and tags. The idea was to look for trends and new ideas. Wowee, did I find them! I learned lots of new terms and such, like nukige. Asagi is pretty sure the nightmares tonight are going to be weird ones. >.>;

I know it is my story, but seeing what people like or don't like spawns new ideas in this crazy mind of mine! Except for 99% of everything I saw on VNDB. Boost sales? Maybe. Result in long showers to clean the dirty off? Yeppers.

A toggle switch... ummmm... it sounds possible, but I'm not the one who would be able to code it. It'd also increase file size for those of you who didn't want them. It adds close to 120MB to a pretty large VN as it is. (normal sized, not my big ones) Maybe two versions?

But this does spawn something I am really curious about. I have the main character as an onscreen sprite right now (cute guy gets screen time). The story is told in 1st person. How do people feel about that? Would you rather him be off-screen?

[Omnificent]

I for one prefer seeing the protagonist on-screen for almost any story, with few exceptions. It makes you feel like they're more of an actual character and not just a disembodied voice.

[papillon]

A lot of people who are really used to the protagonist being invisible may find it confusing to see him onscreen during first-person dialogue. I know there have been games that instead of a side-headshot for the protagonist used a full-sprite in a sidebar, so you could see the PC but clearly set apart from the scene.

(OTOH, whatever you do people can likely get used to it.)

[Hazel-Bun]

Just wanted to say I am really looking forward to the release of this project and will keep tabs on this forum C: !

Though I am a huge slice-of-life buff as long as you have an interesting story I think you should be alright. In my personal opinion, side images bug me because sometimes the face doesn't match up to what I am feeling at that moment and it causes me to...how do I say it, not feel apart of the action? But I see no reason why you can't and like others have mentioned before, if possible, an option to turn them off/on would be great.

First post whoot.

[AsagiMete]

I think I'm going to stay with the showing of Lunin on-screen. It might be a little distracting for some, but I'm going with the people should be able to get used to it. Besides, I like Lunin. He shouldn't have to hide behind the screen.

Just wanted to say I am really looking forward to the release of this project and will keep tabs on this forum C: !

Though I am a huge slice-of-life buff as long as you have an interesting story I think you should be alright. In my personal opinion, side images bug me because sometimes the face doesn't match up to what I am feeling at that moment and it causes me to...how do I say it, not feel apart of the action? But I see no reason why you can't and like others have mentioned before, if possible, an option to turn them off/on would be great.

First post whoot.

Welcome to the forum!

The biggest problem with setting up that is I have no idea how to set an option to do that. >.>; I'm having a hard enough time trying to make animations work. Other than splitting the releases into a side-by/non-side, I'm pretty limited on what I can do without a coder. ;.;