Jealousy

[eternalwishess]

In other words:
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2. zealous vigilance.

How do people go about it? It's in human nature, but that doesn't mean we can't suppress or control it. Is it solely a selfish act? Why does the extent of one's jealousy differ from person to person?
I would like to enlighten myself with new ideas (preferably involving love/relationship though).

Come at me bro!

[Zylinder]

I personally think jealousy is just an extension of greed. We humans hoard stuff for survival reasons. The person with the biggest house and the most food is most likely to survive disasters and attract mates. Therefore, when we see other folks with good stuff we

1. want that stuff too and
2. hate them for having it

The first is greed, and the second is just greed-spurred jealousy, which prompts beating the hell out of each other, and therefore winning those resources for ourselves. All in a day's worth of survival. Just because we don't really need the latest ipad to survive doesn't mean those tendencies are absent. The extent to which it differs may be due to personality. Someone whose greatest ambition is to live in a hut with a passive-aggressive dog probably won't care that you're driving a Lamborghini; someone who wants to be a CEO probably would.

As pertaining to love/relationship? It's pretty much the same.

1. I want mates
2. If my mate is doing someone else, then their chances of doing me is reduced
3. Therefore, the instinct is to beat our chests and growl menacingly and do other Neanderthal-ish things, otherwise known as jealousy.

*tldr is totally IMO

[Ryue]

Also jealousy can stem from fear and insecurity.
Fear of loosing the person to someone else as one is either insecure about the others feelings or about how good / attractrive oneself is.

[Auro-Cyanide]

It's just a part of our psychology (this model might be flawed, but the overall idea is important). Jealousy is a part of the unrest we feel that helps drive our motivations.

It either:

a) Drives us to maintain a higher level of our needs by making sure we don't lose something we already posses eg: a lover, money, position of power, or
b) Drives us to acheive a higher level of our needs by accomplishing or aquiring something we didn't have before.

But just like our tempers, you are expected to keep it on a leash so it doesn't effect other people greatly. Jealousy can do a great deal of harm if people let it get the better of them.

[nyaatrap]

I jealous rival's skill or experience, but not talent nor success. And to me, jealousy usually works in good way to improve me.
It's practically useful function human have. Just many people are using it in a wrong way.

[TrickWithAKnife]

I agree with nyaatrap on this. Jealousy is not necessarily a negative thing, although usually it is viewed that way. Sometimes we want to improve ourselves after seeing what other people have or can do.

A relevant example: There are a lot of very talented people in this forum. Artists, musicians, programmers, writers, and many other talents. I'm jealous of many people, but I feel no resentment towards them. I see them as people to look up to and learn from.

[ebi brain]

^ But if jealousy doesn't make you feel resentment towards the other... Isn't that more like envy?

[TrickWithAKnife]

^ But if jealousy doesn't make you feel resentment towards the other... Isn't that more like envy?

Um.... yes.

[papillon]

For me jealousy manifests a lot more over business than over love. I can be a jealous fiend over other people's success, particularly if the little voices in my head scream that they don't DESERVE it. Which is dumb. It's not a pretty sight.

Romantically my instincts are a bit different from the standard. I go more along the lines of "This cake is awesome, everyone should have some! C'mere, try this!" Some people are, to my mind, disturbingly possessive and don't like to let their partner out of their sight for more than an hour or so without checking in on them. I do not have the cling-tightly-and-growl-at-all-approaches instinct.

That doesn't mean I can't get scared if I think there's a risk of actually losing someone, or resentful if they're so busy with other things that I feel neglected and unimportant. Still, these are more likely to turn into depression than jealous rage.

[jack_norton]

For me jealousy manifests a lot more over business than over love. I can be a jealous fiend over other people's success, particularly if the little voices in my head scream that they don't DESERVE it. Which is dumb. It's not a pretty sight.

Hehe I was like that too years ago. Then I understood that like in all things you need luck (even in love) and also that in this case you only know "the public" side of the thing. Maybe in private that successful person X has lots of problems. In the show business for example there are often popular people that in the end even if were rich, lived a horrible life.

Speaking of love, I AM a lot jealous having a particularly good looking girlfriend doesn't help, even if she really can be trusted. Still when we go around in public places and seems that everyone is looking at her... hmmm me not likes it

[papillon]

I want everyone to look! The person on my arm is awesome and deserves everyone's praise and attention!

[Deji]

I think I'm a pretty jealous person. However, whenever I feel jealousy, I try to look at my self and see why am I jealous... and it's usually out of frustration of being unable to have/do whatever it is that the other person has/does >_o So I try to refocus my negativity and transform it into motivation by saying "Hey, I shouldn't feel frustrated! If i really want that, I should work harder, that's all!".
Not that it always works, but at least I try, haha ^^;;

Now, about jealousy in relationships, I'm *very* possessive with my boyfriend.
I trust him with my life, but I don't like when somebody gets too close to him, especially when I feel that person could be a real "threat" (more attractive than me, funnier than me -both things not hard to achieve, lol-, seductive, etc.)
I cling and growl if somebody like that gets too close... It doesn't happen often, though, haha ^^; (bf is not particularly attractive), but when it does, there I am marking my territory and making threatening faces like "get too close to MY boyfriend, and I'll claw your eyes off. I'm NOT kidding. Tee-hee~ ^___^".

If for any reason my boyfriend feels attracted to somebody else, I don't feel jealous, I just feel sad and anxious, because I feel I may not be the right person for them and they'd be happier with this other person instead

[DeeKay]

We all have a general idea of what jealousy refers to but why can it vary from one person to the next ?

I'd say it would depend on your upbringing, your personality and your experiences in life. For instance, people who are used to get what they want are more prone to being jealous instead of being envious. It doesn't necessarily mean it's always the case, that's why what you learn and experience may change your way of thinking overtime.
One's personality can also be a factor in this. Being rational in contrast to being passionate for example. Some people are one or the other while some can adapt/change greatly depending on the circumstances.

In regards to relationships, it's pretty much the same.
Is this girl really alright with that guy ? I'd be more caring if I were him ! Do I have the right to judge them both based on my own opinions ? Am I being subjective since I like the girl ? Is it bad for me to feel this way ? Isn't it wrong on moral grounds since they're already an item ?

Jealousy can manifest in many ways and may be something deeper than you might expect at first, it depends on what questions you're asking yourself. Is it envy for a specific situation ? Is it the result of tension building up ? Is it a hidden side of your personality ?
Your guess is as good as mine but people will deal with it one way or the other, it can range from being bold about it to just containing your emotions. Jealousy can be the result of conflicting emotions as much as it can give birth to other feelings and thoughts.

I hope this gives you some ideas !
Cheers !

[ebi brain]

^ But if jealousy doesn't make you feel resentment towards the other... Isn't that more like envy?

Um.... yes.

Just saying;).
They seem to be two different things, jealousy and envy.


anyway, in my case, I don't seem to be jealous very often.

The only time I seem to get a twinge of jealousy is when my close friends (who seem to be all guys) get girlfriends. The reason why I feel jealous is because usually once they get girlfriends, I'm left behind. And so for me it feels like really unfair that I've been building a relationship with them for years and then this girl comes out of nowhere and suddenly becomes priority number one, and all it took her was a couple of months. Though, I'm not saying that I want to be in a relationship like that with my friends (ew), but it would be nice if I wasn't just cast aside like that.

Same goes with other friends- though a lot less often- who become friends with other people. For me it's very hard to keep friends and so if I'm friends with someone for a long time, it is something I really cherish and so if someone else comes in the picture, it feels really uncomfortable, almost like a threat.

[KittyKatStar]

Hrm jealousy... When I see talented people (especially writers), I look up to them and want to improve myself.

When it comes to love, I'm pretty relaxed and I trust my boyfriend a lot. I think the only thing I'm insecure about is the physical connection (I'm ace, so yea). As for vice versa, he knows me so well and how I interact around males (it's not uncommon for me to hide behind him. >.> ) So we trust each other a lot, and it's one less worry/concern/bump in the relationship. Known each other since we were 11, so we've grown a lot and matured hopefully. ^^;

I get the twinge of jealous when it comes to friendships. If I'm really close to someone, and then I see them make a new friend and it's very obvious of how close they are (i.e. friend tells him/her stuff now, doesn't open up to me, lots of inside jokes etc) I feel like I'm not needed anymore. It hurts a lot, but I'd rather have my friend be with someone who connects with them better. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to patch the relationship or be open about my feelings... OTZ but usually I just sink into the shadows and become forgotten pretty quickly (so it's my fault the friendship kinda dissolved...). I'm pretty bad at reaching out in general as well. ^^;