Get that thing off your chest... Now...

[khnachi]

I just broke our fridge...
(nuff said..ugh)o(╥﹏╥)o

[PyTom]

So, turns out that errors we've been having are caused by bad ram in supervisor, the server that hosts our forums. That corrupted a row in the Katawa Shoujo Forums database. When that row was accessed, postgres would crash and restart, which lead to the errors people were seeing. I've fixed the KS database, and ordered a new pair of DIMMS - they'll arrive on Thursday, and hopefully fix the problem.

[mugenjohncel]

For an attentionwhore like me... it is painfully excruciating to try and resist posting in the WIP and in my blog my current progress in OELVN related activities and projects.

Also, I have a bunch of betacams and other professional (but obsolete) video recording and editing equipment that I need to get rid off because they consume a whole room and they belong to a chapter of my life that seems like a lifetime away and is something that I'd rather leave behind

Edit: I'll try and sell them online and see how long will it take before someone snags it away from me

1 Philippine Peso for scale (yes, they are HUGE)... I have about 450 of these Betacams still waiting warmly for a new owner with most of them still unused in their original shrink wrapping. I'm selling em' cheap too... Php 600 only!!!

"POOF" (Disappears)

[bluecake]

-whining no longer relevant-

[Endorphin]

Trying to tidy up my room. The longer I work on it, the messier it gets--I know it'll look better afterwards, but I don't even know where to step any more.

[SundownKid]

I had the dreams in me. I wanted to write a bestselling novel, I wanted to be able to draw a bleeping figure, I wanted to understand programming, I wanted to become the ultimate guitar hero outside the video game consoles and I wanted all of them to come true. Then I realized they had no chance of coming true because I was—and am—just that bad, I’m not a protagonist in a coming-of-age story, nor do I have that ‘It’ factor representing something special or even something about me.

It seems like you are thinking that you will never be good at anything simply because you are bad at them now. If you've ever heard the expression "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again", I think it's applicable to your situation. Writing a novel isn't hard, and having it sell well is just a question of determination and writing more. Learning to draw takes practice, not natural skill. So does programming, it's not like you are born with the ability or inability to learn them. So, go out and practice the stuff if you want to get better rather than thinking that since you're not good at drawing now, you never will be.

[arachni42]

Every weekend when I was alone I would take at least an hour and research ways to die.

You could work at a Poison Center. It's the one place I've been where people don't ask "why" when you're researching ways to die, because you can actually really help other people not die. (I haven't been suicidal in many years, but I still feel like I'd want to know how to do it anyway. You aren't alone in that.) (I also happen to find toxicology fascinating, but that's just me.)

because it'll fail and I know I won't succeed if I go the 'chasing your dream and living the Hollywood picture' route because they rarely come true and the ones that do are made by the people who have motivation—another thing I lack.

I always lacked the "lifelong dream" some people seem to have. I'm 32 and I STILL don't know "what I want to do" in life; I'm interested in a lot of things. But I've been succeeding at leading an enjoyable life. I have ambitions, but I don't think there's any need to have a Hollywood-style dream. Most of those will fail, like you've said... BUT that doesn't mean there aren't other ways to succeed or that you are "a failure."

And things like only knowing three classical pieces after four years of guitar? I took piano lessons for 10 years and can only really play one classical piece sufficiently (with the sheet music). I didn't practice as much as I could've, and I was much more interested in playing rock songs and the like. I've got some strengths in playing, but plenty of weaknesses. If anyone tells me "You can't even play 4/4 to the metronome, LOL" I will say, "Sure, you're better than me... and this affects me how?" If I wanted to be a great pianist, well, I would need to be practicing a LOT more. Though it would be cool, I don't posses that type of motivation. So... *shrug* I do other things for a living now, such as programming. Believe me, I pale in comparison to some programmers I know, but over the years I have become good in my niche. I've spent fewer years programming than piano, but wayyyy more time.

I did use money I earned programming to buy a nice electronic piano, though. <3 No regrets.

In any case, it sounds to me like you don't want to die per se; you want to live -- just not in constant suffering.

I got terribly depressed when I was a teen, and I tried to get help but had a lot of false starts. (My guidance counselors... not helpful. School psychologist... a little bit helpful, but not great. First therapist in college... ugh. Therapist during the first summer I was home from college... better than nothing. Next therapist in college... CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER FOREVER ZOMG.) I resisted meds until senior year of college. First med... gained 35 pounds, caused certain... private dysfunctions... and on top of that, didn't work. Ugh. It was years before I felt compelled to try a second med, but... JACKPOT! It's had some side effects, but they have never been nearly as bad as that first med, and it's been so worth it!

There are no guarantees in life, so all I can say is that you are not alone, and that this may not be forever! There's certainly a limit to what a bunch of strangers online can tell you, but... There IS hope.

All I know is I don’t know what to do now or what I even want to do. Starting that visual novel I had in mind seems like a stretch.

Keep in mind that it doesn't have to be Ye Epic Visual Novel. And if you find it enjoyable to start... well, nothing wrong with starting it. Even if it feels unlikely that you will finish it, it can be worthwhile. It can be fun, you can learn from it, and you may very well finish it, even if it's years from now. However... if anime and Japanese and Chinese is what keeps you going right now, do that! There was a spring back in college where I felt like staring at intricate anime artwork (and focusing on that present moment, that one enjoyable thing) was all that kept me going... but my emotions did not stay that limited forever!

[JumpJump]

My sleep patten is so bad, I think that it is a serious risk to my health. I think I need help?

[enta]

Errors in accessing LSF for almost a week already. It gets fixed after a few hours but it's not about cloudflare this time but more like something "general" but I forgot the rest of that. One time I sent a reply to a pm but as I click the "send" button, the screen loads forever and google chrome says, "this site doesn't exist". What's going on?

[TrickWithAKnife]

I believe RenpyTom is doing work on the server. I'm sure it'll settle down soon.

[RunicV]

To ignore someone, think that their opinions are worthless, to not bother trying to understand them, to simply devalue them, it is the highest disrespect you can show.]

I do not care about what anyone says. I do not care that he is my father. I do not care that he is related to me by blood. I do not care that the Bible tells me to respect and honor my parents.

I refuse to accept him. I refuse to talk to him. I refuse to even try to listen to him. I refuse anything that has to do with him.

Someone so disrespectful and low-classed is not someone I need. I am ashamed of him. He doesn't deserve anything.

He is not my father. My father is dead.

[DaFool]

I just spent the whole day drawing an event CG that looks like crap, so I'm gonna scrap it. All because of a stupid nose that just doesn't look right. And why do I have to keep choosing odd angles that makes things hard to draw? Next time I'm only going to be using 0, 45, 90 degrees!

[J. Datie]

I just spent the whole day drawing an event CG that looks like crap, so I'm gonna scrap it. All because of a stupid nose that just doesn't look right. And why do I have to keep choosing odd angles that makes things hard to draw? Next time I'm only going to be using 0, 45, 90 degrees!

And know you see the true value of the moe art style: no noses!

[ViRiX Dreamcore]

I had the dreams in me. I wanted to write a bestselling novel, I wanted to be able to draw a bleeping figure, I wanted to understand programming, I wanted to become the ultimate guitar hero outside the video game consoles and I wanted all of them to come true. Then I realized they had no chance of coming true because I was—and am—just that bad, I’m not a protagonist in a coming-of-age story, nor do I have that ‘It’ factor representing something special or even something about me.

TL;DR V2! Get Ready!!

Alright Miss Dramatica, Mission Cleared! You've got my attention.

Ya know, I've sometimes felt like that; always being the support or side character, never "winning the big one" or whatever.

No, the "made it big in Hollywood" story doesn't often come true, but that doesn't mean you just give up. If you truely believe your book ideas are good, then keep going, no matter what anyone else says.

Dreams don't just come true, you have to MAKE them come true. Sometimes it takes, days, weeks, even years but it can still happen. There are tons of stories where people who started with little to nothing came out on top at the end... and then even then, probably still came back down after a while. I know there are lots of indegame developers that had this happen.

I wanna make the most awesome video game and I have the ideas of how it'd work (Well I THINK I do) but I'm not good at programming... I've tried a NUMBER of times to do it, but it's just not for me. I'd really like to make a game though... so I turned to VNs. I figured I'd start with that. I'm not an amazing writer, but I figure I can at least come up with something.

I want to make a fun slice of life anime/manga... but WAIT I'm not good at drawing... yes I've tried. I suppose if I keep working at it, I can get pretty good, but it's just not my thing... so I turned to 3D graphics. I'm not perfect at that either, but I still have something I can work on.

Even after saying that though, if you work hard at something and don't give up regardless of how long it takes, you'll et good enough at it to do what you want. You won't be PERFECT... but o one's perfect so forget about that. It just has to be good enough.

And lastly, just so ya know, you are a part of a Coming-Of-Age story... it's called YOUR LIFE.
So I'll end this with a quote from a rhythm game called DJ Max "You need more practice. Never give it up!" Oh and just so you know, even when you get really good, that phrase will STILL apply.

OMG There's DLC to this post!!

All I know is I don’t know what to do now or what I even want to do. Starting that visual novel I had in mind seems like a stretch.

Well sometimes looking at the big picture can be hard. So break it down into tiny goals.

goal 1: START
goal 2: Write basic plot of story
goal 3: Do your best to draw the characters or if you know an artist, see if they can help with some rough concepts.

I'll leave it at that for the moment. Looking at one huge goal can be daunting, so breaking it down into a few little, easier to obtain goals is what you do. This goes for EVERYTHING you said you wanted to do. I've been playing piano for a while now and unless I sit and practice for a GOOD amount of time, ANY classical piece I play is going to have a TON of mistakes in them.

As said before, You Need More Practice! Never Give It Up!

We ALL need more practice, so don't fret. [insert really lame guitar pun here]

[Reikun]

I feel very frustrated/overwhelmed/stressed lately because my family keeps trying to pressure me into doing things I don't want to do >___> They keep talking about my future as if everything is decided already without any input from me. It's frustrating because they are very forceful and persistent about it. They keep telling me which career path will be "easy" for me and it's so annoying because they are NOT ME!!! I cannot understand how people can believe that they know what's "easy" for someone other than themselves??? And it's even more frustrating because I already talked to my father (the main perpetrator of this behavior) about pursuing a BFA and he said OK and now he's going back on it? It's getting to the point that I'm just so pissed off most of the time I start unconsciously taking it out on other people and when I realize what I'm doing I just feel guilty u___u