Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] Kickstarter, Early Access!
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- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Sent you a PM. I think you're stuck trying to find an item I feared people would have trouble finding (reminded me of that item behind the curtained mirror in the intro of 999, which kind of frustrated me too... haha.)
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
I think I'm also stuck . . . I solved the diary puzzle and retrieved some items, but I don't know what to do with them. I've looked at the cipher, too. No luck there. A gentle nudge in the right direction would be most appreciated!
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
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- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Sent you a PM. I think it's the same item you're missing.
- Duskylli
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
@ ktalkimist- Has anyone figured out the meaning behind the first room puzzle yet?
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
You mean the one related to the diary? I can help you, provided it's okay with ktalkimist.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
I think Duskylli is referring to the nature of that room itself, and how Yu is acting in there which some people find strange. It would be interesting to read a discussion about it.
- Jason
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
I finished the room and the opening, but I got an error afterwards D;
Code: Select all
I'm sorry, but an uncaught exception occurred.
While running game code:
File "game/ngt1.rpy", line 41, in script
File "renpy/common/000statements.rpy", line 543, in python
File "game/scr1.rpy", line 3, in python
File "game/item.rpy", line 174, in python
IndexError: list index out of range
-- Full Traceback ------------------------------------------------------------
Full traceback:
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\bootstrap.py", line 265, in bootstrap
renpy.main.main()
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\main.py", line 332, in main
run(restart)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\main.py", line 90, in run
renpy.execution.run_context(True)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\execution.py", line 509, in run_context
context.run()
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\execution.py", line 288, in run
node.execute()
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\ast.py", line 1531, in execute
self.call("execute")
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\ast.py", line 1544, in call
renpy.statements.call(method, parsed, *args, **kwargs)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\statements.py", line 100, in call
return method(parsed, *args, **kwargs)
File "renpy/common/000statements.rpy", line 543, in execute_call_screen
store._return = renpy.call_screen(name, *args, **kwargs)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\exports.py", line 1616, in call_screen
show_screen(_screen_name, _transient=True, *args, **kwargs)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 487, in show_screen
renpy.exports.show(name, tag=_tag, what=d, layer=_layer, zorder=d.zorder, transient=_transient, munge_name=False)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\exports.py", line 325, in show
sls.add(layer, img, key, zorder, behind, at_list=at_list, name=name, atl=atl, default_transform=renpy.config.default_transform, transient=transient)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\core.py", line 734, in add
self.hide_or_replace(layer, remove_index, "replaced")
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\core.py", line 756, in hide_or_replace
d = oldsle.displayable._hide(now - st, now - at, prefix)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 189, in _hide
hid.update()
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 266, in update
self.screen.function(**self.scope)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\screenlang.py", line 1217, in __call__
renpy.python.py_exec_bytecode(self.code.bytecode, locals=scope)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\python.py", line 1297, in py_exec_bytecode
exec bytecode in globals, locals
File "game/scr1.rpy", line 3, in <module>
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\display\screen.py", line 595, in use_screen
screen.function(**scope)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\screenlang.py", line 1217, in __call__
renpy.python.py_exec_bytecode(self.code.bytecode, locals=scope)
File "C:\Users\Czel-IX\Downloads\exo_0.17-win\exo_0.17-win\renpy\python.py", line 1297, in py_exec_bytecode
exec bytecode in globals, locals
File "game/item.rpy", line 174, in <module>
IndexError: list index out of range
Windows-7-6.1.7601-SP1
Ren'Py 6.15.6.372
Exo-G 0.17 0.17
Innomen Team Presents: Sierra Ops
We're a very small team of developers from all over the world, with most of the founding members in Philippines.
We're a very small team of developers from all over the world, with most of the founding members in Philippines.
- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Did you happen to be holding a diary page when you left the room? That looks like an inventory problem. >.<
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Well, I finished playing through the demo last night. I took many, many notes.
The setting, plot, and characters seem interesting, though not much has yet been revealed about Durchhalten. I'm looking forward to seeing you plumb their emotional depths. (Eiji is my favorite by far.)
The art and user interface are top-notch---I liked that the backgrounds weren't static. That sign in Eiji's bar made my jaw drop.
You've already heard my suggestion regarding the first puzzle, but I ran into more trouble later that could be easily solved with a quick prompt.
I noticed your garden variety typos, missing words, and grammatical problems, but two things in particular have me worried. The text often switched tenses, as shown here:
The other issue is much larger in scope and is officially my primary concern. Throughout the demo, I encountered spates of over-description and poorly structured sentences. Sometimes I had to take a break from reading in order to figure out was being said or described. There is such a thing as too much detail, or detail poorly implemented. Details and descriptions should enhance the text, not weigh it down until it becomes a bloated, plodding mess. A visual novel is still a novel, and I can tell you that any publishers worth their salt will not publish a book in this state, no matter how pretty the dust jacket is.
Some examples:
The main thing to remember about description is to show, not tell. And less is usually more. I know this post sounds harsh, but I have to speak up, especially since this project is promising in all other respects. If I let the writing stay as it is, I'd hate myself.
The setting, plot, and characters seem interesting, though not much has yet been revealed about Durchhalten. I'm looking forward to seeing you plumb their emotional depths. (Eiji is my favorite by far.)
The art and user interface are top-notch---I liked that the backgrounds weren't static. That sign in Eiji's bar made my jaw drop.
You've already heard my suggestion regarding the first puzzle, but I ran into more trouble later that could be easily solved with a quick prompt.
I spent several minutes clicking on the biochip before I figured out what exactly I was meant to click. Please provide some indication of what to do in your puzzles. By the time I reached the radio, however, you seemed to have learned this lesson, because Yu told me when I was clicking on the buttons in the incorrect order.
The writing, unfortunately, simply doesn't measure up overall. It was as if I read work from two distinctly different people---one with a penchant for snappy dialogue and one who needs to rewrite his first draft.I noticed your garden variety typos, missing words, and grammatical problems, but two things in particular have me worried. The text often switched tenses, as shown here:
You need to decide whether Yu traversed the streets or traverses them. If you're describing everything Yu experiences in the present tense, stick with the present tense. If you're using the immediate past tense, make sure you don't deviate from it (unless of course you have to use future tense in dialogue, etc.)."“Yu traversed the dark streets of Akihabara, noticing as he gets closer to the city's center that there are more people walking around in Novus Tokyo now than a few years ago.”
The other issue is much larger in scope and is officially my primary concern. Throughout the demo, I encountered spates of over-description and poorly structured sentences. Sometimes I had to take a break from reading in order to figure out was being said or described. There is such a thing as too much detail, or detail poorly implemented. Details and descriptions should enhance the text, not weigh it down until it becomes a bloated, plodding mess. A visual novel is still a novel, and I can tell you that any publishers worth their salt will not publish a book in this state, no matter how pretty the dust jacket is.
Some examples:
Possible rewrite: "Yu glanced at his homemade telecommunicator. Midori was calling. Not surprising at all, he thought. After the Durchhalten fell apart, she and Toshio were the only ones who kept in touch with him."“Yu looked at the screen of the homemade device his group used for telecommunication. The caller, unsurprisingly, was the girl Midori who's the only one other than Toshio who always kept in touch with him after the Durchhalten fell apart.”
Possible rewrite: "Survival of the fittest, Yu thought ruefully. He would never see Miho again."“In a world where survival of the fittest ruled, he could not hold a grudge. He succumbed to the predators and slowly faded away, his last thoughts being that of his sister whom he'll never see again.”
Possible rewrite: "Yu was dumbfounded. What was she wearing?"“Yu could not shake off the dumbfounding feeling he had as he looked at the girl's peculiar dress.”
Possible rewrite: "Nobu grunted and gave Haru the chip."“The other man just grumbled incomprehensibly as he seemingly conceded, handing over to his drinking buddy the chip and tools needed to modify it.”
Possible rewrite: "I see a stranger whose arms are covered with scabs." (Everyone knows what a scab is!)“I see a stranger whose arms are covered with scabs---dark crusts of temporary skin indicative of healing wounds.”
Possible rewrite: "Yu was silent. Eiji's question didn't deserve an answer."“Yu did not say anything, nor did he think Eiji's query warranted a reply. He did have a gut feeling that the event struck Eiji to the core. Could it have been purely an emotional response to a tragedy that kept Eiji mum? Yu kept to himself as he tried to find an answer in his mind.”
The main thing to remember about description is to show, not tell. And less is usually more. I know this post sounds harsh, but I have to speak up, especially since this project is promising in all other respects. If I let the writing stay as it is, I'd hate myself.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
It's not harsh at all! Definitely gonna show this to our editor. We've actually already made some improvements based on feedback, some with a bevy of screenshots and all.
- Duskylli
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Yep thats what I meant- don't you think the whole situation and Yu's comments are weird?ktalkimist wrote:I think Duskylli is referring to the nature of that room itself, and how Yu is acting in there which some people find strange. It would be interesting to read a discussion about it.
But thanks for the kind offer Mad Harlequin
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Oh, there's one more thing I forgot to mention! Since Yuudai Hayashi is the player character's name, wouldn't his nickname be written as Yuu and not Yu? You appear to be using the "wapuro romaji" style (which omits macrons) to transliterate his name, so . . . yeah. It's a minor quibble in the grand scheme of things, perhaps, but I still have to ask.
Duskylli: It is a rather strange scene. Perhaps we'll find out why later on!
Duskylli: It is a rather strange scene. Perhaps we'll find out why later on!
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
We've found that "Yuu" gets a lot more "How do you say that?" responses than Yu, so...
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
Fair point. I'll just have to tell my brain to shut up regarding that discrepancy.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
- ktalkimist
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Re: Exogenesis - Perils of Rebirth [post-apoc] DEMO RELEASED
So the thread's gotten a lot more views since the demo was uploaded. We'd love to hear from those who've tried it before we go for a wider release.
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